User reviews

If you enjoyed the drivel that was Jersey Shore you are in for a real treat with this gonorrhea infested cinematic equivalent of a lobotomy.

The single greatest piece of acting in this would hands down be the poor excuse for a mime we see for about 3seconds..

Wish this was one of those cursed movies where the whole cast dies mysteriously so they cant ever reproduce or try to act in anything again.

In all honesty, licking a public toilet seat is probably a healthier way to spend your time than watching this.

I have never been to Jersey Shore, but judging by the way jersey shore is portrayed in every aspect of television, I have to ask why they haven't been bombed into oblivion for Crimes against Humanity and Acts of Terrorism.

Hate this movie, and any one who says its good is ON THE LIST!!

Waste of time. That movie was garbage. First of all, most lines of the movie were sexist and racist. The plot of the movie was basic. The casting and the characters were awful. The only good thing was, the kills.

First of all, when I saw the title Jersey Shore Massacre, I thought it was a movie based on the Jersey Maneater from 1916 - the great white shark that killed a few people, which is what Peter Benchley based Jaws on. It kinda made sense since Shark Week just ended. I thought someone was trying to piggyback on the popularity of that series. Then I saw the poster. Way wrong!!!! From the poster and the description, it looked like an indie that was so bad it's funny, which could make it rather entertaining. Boy, was I wrong, again. The cast includes pornstar Ron Jeremy. He's only in it for a few minutes, but he's the best actor in it, which kinda gives you an idea of how bad the movie has to be. The opening scene includes a topless, big boob blonde, and it's produced by JWow, telling you all you really need to know. It has a stereotypical gay man in the beginning who has a feminine Spanish accent and gestures like a woman. Oh yeah, and he works as a hairstylist. I guess they thought it would be funny, it's not, just stupid. Gays should be insulted by the character.

I'm not sure if they could've hired six more repulsive girls - nine if you count the three Hispanic chicks who were only in it for a short time. The script was stupid. An example: "None of us eat meat," says one girl. Another adds, "Yeah, we're all veterinarians." Eye Roll. One of the girls wears a big, gold "SINGLE" charm on her necklace. Gee, I wonder why she's single. (sarcasm).

When the tramps...I mean girls go to the beach, they meet a bunch of guys who one might mistake for Sha-Na-Na, except these guys can't sing and can't act. One of the girls has to relieve herself quickly, so she runs into the ocean and does a number 2, which some guys proceeds to step on. Was that supposed to be funny? It wasn't. That was really gross, unnecessary, and it showed a total lack of any sort of talented writing, and that's 39 minutes into the movie, with almost another 50 minutes left :( In the nightclub, the tramps...sorry, I mean, girls are dancing, and they get into a fight, and the bouncers suspend them from the club. I was wishing they'd suspend them from the movie. Could they have drawn up characters that were more disgusting and obnoxious than these girls and guys? I have my doubts.

The movie has plenty of boobs, butts, blood, gore. The tough jocks are anything but tough when danger is near. There's a shower death, a tanning bed death, and many others. There were so many horror clichés used, they could've called this Cliché Massacre. Clichés are not necessarily bad, but there was nothing good about this movie. And no, it was NOT one of those "It's-so-bad-it's-funny" movies. I was rooting for the killer, even though they gave no reason for him killing people. When I brought up the Jersey Maneater at the beginning of the review, I really was hoping a shark, piranha, rabid squirrel, insane fleas, anything would kill these characters. They were poorly written, extremely underdeveloped, obnoxious as hell, and the storyline was anything but original. The script sucked. The acting sucked. It would be a shorter list if I say what DIDN'T suck. Actually, that list doesn't exist. I didn't expect to give this a 5-star rating, but I thought I'd be able to give it at least 2, maybe 3. Nope. This is a 1-star movie, and not even a solid 1-star at that :/

If I could rate this awful piece of crap movie a 0 or Negative rating I would. The whole production crew, writers, actors and director should be ashamed that they made this filth. How they sat around, and came up with this idea. Then said "Ya this sounds like a good movie to make!" All of you that read this that were apart of it PLEASE SLAP THE HELL out of yourself!!!!

I found "Jersey Shore Massacre" to actually be adequately fun and entertaining, and it was a great spoof on the slasher genre. Take the movie for what it is. I mean, don't expect this movie to challenge your intellect or to reinvent the wheel or anything like that.

The story is fairly simple, well, let's be honest, it is very simple. A group of ladies go to a remote house in a forest for a getaway, and they hook up with some guys who are quite self-obsessed and interested in one thing only. Left to their own in the woods, a deranged killer is stalking the young party-loving people.

Right, that was basically the entire storyline. And yeah, it is a no-brainer in every possible way. But for its simplicity, then there is something entertaining about the movie, as there is a good sense of comedy and thrill throughout the course.

The characters in the movie were very, very generic for the slasher genre, and that was one of the reasons why the movie worked so nicely, because the characters were the summary of every single generic and stereotypical character in slasher movies past, present and future. Personally, I didn't fully understand the need to put Ron Jeremy in this movie. And I also had problems dealing with the Freddy character (played by Chris Lazzaro); wow, that was one disturbingly annoying character.

The actors and actresses were also doing good jobs with their roles and characters, despite these characters being so generic and stereotypical. And the performances by the actors and actresses also helped to boost the movie and bring it a notch upward.

I will say that the gore, blood and splatter effects were actually quite good, and they really helped to keep the movie afloat. And there is a good amount of bloodshed and violence throughout the movie without it becoming too much.

"Jersey Shore Massacre" is entertaining enough for a single viewing. I give it a 5 out of 10 stars.

First off, you can see that it is someone without much experience trying to produce a low budget movie. The acting, if you can call it that is pathetic. I would venture to say, the producer had her friends get together and attempt to make this poor attempt at a horror movie. The intro didn't seem to have anything to do with the rest of the film, usually there is something that relates to what is coming up. This intro made it seem as though there was going to be another direction for the film to take. They tried to make a Mafia film, then turn it into a Friday the thirteenth sort of horror flick, with a bunch of no talent fairly unattractive New Jersey girls. Later we meet the just as dumb Jersey boys that are in the film, and sadly their attempt at acting is probably worse than that of the girls. Not all people from NJ, are complete idiots and talk like they only made it as far as the second grade. The plot was ridiculous, and to top it off you have Ron Jeremy as the only (Famous) lol, actor in the film. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME with this piece of junk.

I wish i had chance to give it minus point to not make a "movie" like this.

Part of me was semi-intrigued, being someone who is no stranger to slasher films and has liked quite a lot and the idea interested me somewhat despite being ridiculous. A large part of me was apprehensive though, having heard it was not good and that it looked like one of those cheap and overdone films with a muddled tone.

Which, when watching it, was what 'Jersey Shore Massacre' essentially was. It is not just not a good film, it's an intelligence insulting waste of time. If it was trying to entertain, scare or both, 'Jersey Shore Massacre' failed abysmally on both counts, making the film a terrible chore to sit through. Am not hating or trying to be malicious, it is just my genuine stance on a film that didn't do anything for me as well as many others.

The best thing is Ron Jeremy, who is fun to watch and the only thing halfway decent.

However, the rest of the acting, from particularly the leads, is both overplayed and stiff. In all fairness they were hindered by hammy direction, constantly awkward and limp dialogue and that the film has no interesting or likeable character whatsoever.

Script is childish, flabby and even improvisatory-sounding. The story is not much of one and takes forever to get going, when it finally does it is not for long and it is too late to care. 'Jersey Shore Massacre' seemed like a comedy mixed with slasher horror, and over-emphasises the comedy too much.

Unfortunately, the comedy is not even close to being strong enough to make this imbalance not matter, it is completely witless, childish and so overdone it gets exhausting. The more horror-like elements are a long way from tense or suspenseful, generating little interest even. The kills were not creative and would go as far to say they were too tame, while the things there to by the film's definition "spice things up" (especially the nudity) came over as gratuitous and abused.

'Jersey Shore Massacre' is a cheap looking film that even makes the scenery look tacky. Can't remember anything about the soundtrack.

Overall, terrible. 1/10 Bethany Cox

This movie was way better than I though it would be. I have seen a lot of crappy horror flicks but this one was not one of those. This movie was one of those Comedy Horror type movies. Lots of gore and lots of boobs. Plus this movie will be a plus for us Howard Sterns fans as they are some cameos by Stern staff and whack pack. if you have nothing to do on a weekend and want to see a decent horror flick than this wont disappoint.

Also I have to say that the acting in this movie was not to bad. You usually get really cheesy actors to do these types of movies. To my surprise it was actually pretty good. A thing that low budget horror flicks suffer from is crappy FX. This movie delivered when it same to special efxs. Listen hands down the movie is pretty decent for a view when there is nothing else to see and if you are a Howard Stern fan.

Guidos and guidettes meet their gory end, but not before they try to smash after fist pumping at the club. Yeah buddy! From the maker of Girls Gone Dead, Paul Tarnopol teams up with Jwoww Productions for the latest addition to the B-movie horror genre to give audiences Jersey Shore Massacre.

A group of girl friends head down the shore for a fun-filled Jersey staycation. When a mistake with their reservation causes their shore house to get snagged, they must venture away from Seaside Heights to a family member's secluded home in the boonies – also known as the Pine Barrens. The guidettes don't let that stop them, they head back to the club and try to find some nice juice-heads. These DTF bimbos find a group of GTL-ed jerks, go back to the house to get into the jacuzzi, but instead are hunted to bloody and gruesome deaths by a deranged killer stalking them.

Jersey Shore Massacre amps up and satirizes Jersey stereotypes just as much as you would expect from this B-movie. The hair, outfits and exchanges between characters, named and parodied off RHONJ, are stupid ridiculous. Interestingly the film tries to be authentic while being absurd by accurately retaining locational vernacular in the dialogue and filming in New Jersey. And with so many Italian actors and actresses cast in Jersey Shore Massacre it makes the opening credits feel like an immigration record from Ellis Island.

All for heavy handed outrageousness – the film starts off strongly. Momentarily Tarnopol's Jersey Shore Massacre is like witnessing the secret and dark fantasy realized – the Jersey Shore cast bludgeoned and dead (joking of course). Preposterously idiotic, but sufficiently better acted than most B-movies thanks to the two female leads portrayed by Angelica Boccello and Danielle Dallacco, Jersey Shore Massacre can't help but make you laugh from the stupidity of the conversations between the characters.

Unfortunately, the novelty of Jersey Shore Massacre fades quickly and interest wanes as it takes almost an hour for the film to switch from Jersey Shore knock off to horror flick. When the horror does get started it is excessively gory and bloody without the campy funny deaths wanted. It takes finesse to be a comedy pretending to be a horror and Jersey Shore Massacre is missing that magical balance.

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Sure some people love to give polarized scores, a 1 or a 10. This is a 1 for real. It's the worst parts of Jersey Shore and not bad enough, it adds a small amount of massacre. It's really not a massacre, it's massacre lite. The kills aren't very much fun, and the Jersey Shore part is so off putting you just can't enjoy anything about this movie.

Heading out for a vacation, a group of friends renting a house for a weekend getaway encounter a group of guys also looking to hook up for the evening and bring them back only to find themselves targeted by a vicious killer and must find a way of saving themselves from the maniac.

This was quite the enjoyable enough effort. One of the better elements featured here is the rather engaging series of setups that offer quite a bit of fun at their expense. Not only is the first scenes showing the group on the road with their car problems and the housing mishap while giving this the kind of setup with them appearing at the house which is quite goofy and silly with the way they all interact there at the house. Even going so far as the cheesy tour through the woods with the group of loser guys or the beach-side exploits where they meet the other group of guys there picking them up for later. There's even more to enjoy with the catfight at the nightclub that forces them back to the house where the fun starts. Once they're back at the house again, this one turns into quite the exceptionally fun slasher which has a lot of sleazy fun charms. This part of the film turns into a full-on slasher opus with some rather strong and enjoyable stalking scenes that provide a thrilling, nonstop series of attacks and encounters here, from the bathroom-based double-murder and the tense attack in the bedroom which all offer up some pretty thrilling action alongside the nice gore. The film's at its best in the scenes at the shack where the killer has them abducted and ready to torture the various captives there or the engage in the fantastic chasing around the house that leads into the shack for a nice finale. As well as the fine nudity provided by those well-equipped to provide it, these here hold it up over the few flaws. Among the few flaws to be found here is the fact that this one tends to really go all over the place in the first half with a wide variety of goofy plotpoints and tangents. These are just all over the place with them continually changing plans and going to different events or locations trying to have a good time don't really provide anything of any interest as they just speak of a chaotic series of scenes designed to enhance the running time. As well, there's also the issue about the really silly finale which is pretty ridiculous with the double-turns and the various odd explanations offered for the killers' rampage which is really ham-fisted and makes no sense. It tends to feature way too much obscure tangents and coincidences to really give this a sense of closure. These here are what hold this one back.

Rated Unrated/R: Extreme Graphic Language, Graphic Violence, Full Nudity, a sex scene and mild drug use.

If you're a fan of either the "horror" or "comedy/horror" slasher-flick genre, you'll most likely enjoy Jersey Shore Massacre. Although much about it is cliché (and sometimes even offensive), it certainly delivers potent doses of blood and gore (that are, thankfully, inflicted upon those simplistic parasitic narcissistic characters as depicted on MTV's Jersey Shore). Additionally, humorous elements exist throughout. The Bonus Features alone are worth the price of admission. For instance, the "short", entitled Fat Camp Massacre, is both original and very funny! Additionally, the music video, entitled Melt, albeit absurd, is also original and very funny!

It is a ridiculous movie. Silly, stupid, pointless, yes. BUT, it actually has some strong points for true horror aficionados:

1. It was self-aware, and mocked several New Jersey stereotypes in truly funny ways.

2. For how ridiculous and over the top the characters were, the acting was pretty good. Imagine having to play those characters with a straight face!

3. The gore effects are excellent. Not kidding.

4. It had Ron Jeremy in it! I mean, come on!

5. The ending mocked Friday the 13th in a funny way.

One huge flaw is that the villain had no real motive. "It's a Jersey thing." lol come on. Still, I swear it is really entertaining if you like campy horror, and if you know anything about New Jersey, it is really funny. Give it a chance!

I have 2 "Jersey Shore" Movies in my collection...not kidding. Jersey Shore Shark Attack and THIS.

Jersey Shore Massacre is hilarious and funny and outrageous and so comedic. When the guys are trying to get laid, you see the funniest lines being delivered and actions being performed. The girls are very girly and ditzy and the guys are horny an insulting. I mean...IT'S a MODERN HORROR COMEDY MASTERPIECE!

It's about a group of friends and other friends going to the shore to have fun. They have different reasons and motivations but it leads to a bloody good time, with bloody good intended humor based on male and female egos.

I honestly want to give it a 10 as it is so much fun. But gave it an 8 to 9...ultimately. There are a few slow plot necessary parts in the beginning but it ramps up to ludicrous speed soon after that and could stop laughing throughout.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED AND ENJOYABLE At least to me. It's a fun bad movie!

I feel like a lot of the other reviewers don't understand that Jersey Shore Massacre is a spoof on the reality television show Jersey Shore. I think this is a humorous movie and a pretty good spoof of Jersey Shore.

A group of girlfriends rent a home for spring break, but find out it's been double booked. One of the girls has an uncle who owns a luxury house 10-15 miles out of town.

The girlfriends go out for a night on the town, only to get kicked out of the local bar. They meet a group of guys and invite them out to the house to continue the party. This is when the trouble begins!

Once people start breaking off into couples, the killing begins.

They're are characters that mirror characters from Jersey Shore which make this that much more humorous to me. There's also plenty of gore wants the killing starts. Be the look out for Ron Jeremy and Jerry "the king" Lawer in small roles.

Not great, but worth a view!

If you like the show the jersey shore you will kot like this because you like terrible entertainment. This is so much better than the jersey shore because it's way more realistic and satisfying. After you watch this you will avoid all parts of New Jersey, which is a good lesson for life. The acting is better than the TV shows acting and the characters are more likable. This is top of the line A+ work. Great movie.