I remembered when the movie was announced and of course I was planning to watch it. I mean, an insane title such as "Cocaine Shark" just screams of a movie you have to watch. Granted, I wasn't harboring any expectations to the movie at all, after having seen the trailer.
And now I finally had the opportunity to sit down and watch "Cocaine Shark". And let me just clarify that "Cocaine Shark" from writer Bando Glutz and director Mark Polonia is by no means a contender to the hilarious "Cocaine Bear" movie. Not even remotely. Nay, "Cocaine Shark" is an abysmal movie in every possible aspect.
The storyline in "Cocaine Shark" was pretty simplistic. The writing was bland and the narrative was amazingly mundane and sluggish. There was nothing thrilling or exciting about the storyline, unless you consider it being a massive dumpster fire as being exciting.
The acting performances in the movie were amateurish, wobbly, questionable and laughable at best. Needless to say that there wasn't a single famous performer on the cast list. Not even Nicolas Cage would touch this with a stick.
The special effects in "Cocaine Shark" were exactly that; special. Yeah, you have to see how crappy and poor the special effects, practical effects and CGI effects are throughout the course of the 76 minutes that the movie ran for in order to believe that something like that actually comes to see the light of day in 2023.
The movie's cover/poster over-sells the movie a million times. Yeah, there was no shark looking like that in the movie. Nope, not even remotely. The sharks in the movie were either toy sharks or horribly rendered CGI sharks that wouldn't even fool a blind man.
There are plenty of horrible and laughable shark-themed movies out there, but "Cocaine Shark" is definitely a contender for the top three of crappy shark movies.
Do yourself a favor and stay well clear of "Cocaine Shark". Some of us suffered through this, literally, so you don't have to.
My rating of "Cocaine Shark" lands on a one out of ten stars.
