2025 Armageddon

Almost 10 minutes near the beginning developing characters I can't recall the names of? Asylum! Thinking you're the Bard? It timed out at 00:08:18 of non-monster/alien spaceship footage; enough to make me almost give up and ask, "Is this truly an Asylum movie?"

I'm glad I hung on. It delivered. Pure "cr*ppy monster movies" (their script, verbatim) of the expected studio signature, where the plot holes require 20m planks to traverse, the self-deprecation of the studio's reputation for pure schlock, the deep investment in their known tropes of family reunification, numerous camara angles within each scene to capture each emotional wince delivered from their stellar cast, and the total absurdity of the story arc. And hats off to the steady camerapersons for mimicking the currently popular stylistic choice of handheld over boom or trolley-based filming, while still holding focus on characters tight enough to reduce nausea to the viewer; not that the wizards at the studio didn't reveal their competency with some very professional camera work slipped in throughout the roller coaster montage of mashups from previous Asylum classics.

But seriously, how the heck did The president survive the helicopter crash, his LtC daughter survive a face off with a 100m long piranha, and his doctor daughter survive an alien spaceship crash? Such mysteries, if ever filmed, did not make the final cut, and are left to the viewer's imagination.

Torn between rating this a 2 or a 10, I go for the 2 in hopes of qualifying it for future selection by MST3K. Such film must be remembered.