Ted (TV Series)

Subways, Bicycles and Automobiles (2024)

Seth MacFarlane: Ted

Photos 

Quotes 

• Professor Lucas Damon : As Boraz said, "With every goodbye, you learn."

  Blaire Bennett : As Steinbeck said, "Farewell has a sweet sound of reluctance. Goodbye is short and final. "

  Ted : As Hemingway said, "I wonder what this gun tastes like."

• Ted : Oh, my God, Blaire, it's so obvious! He invites you to his place, he gets you drunk...

  Blaire Bennett : Okay, I'm *not* drunk.

  Ted : What are you talking about?

  [mimics her reaction to the professor's salad:] 

  Ted : "I love that there are no croutons."

  Blaire Bennett : Yeah, it's called being polite.

  Ted : When did you become...

  Blaire Bennett : You should fucking try it.

  Ted : ... anti-crouton just for this *buttnut?*

  Blaire Bennett : I'm trying to make fucking conversation.

  Ted : And by the way, I'm guessing this is the first time he's seen you dressed *like this,* as opposed to your usual fashion, which is basically Melissa Etheridge at a flea market.

  Blaire Bennett : I know when I'm being hit on, okay? I have seven uncles.

  Ted : You know what else? I'm just gonna say it. That salad tastes like Dustin Hoffman's balls!

• Ted : [bathing, singing Macarena, then:]  Ah, where's the goddamn conditioner?

  [pulls back bath curtain] 

  Blaire Bennett : [blindfolded, arms outstretched, hands grasping - playing Watcher In The Woods]  Help me!

  Ted : Ah!

  Blaire Bennett : Be my designated driver!

  Ted : Jesus Christ, Blaire, what the fuck!

  Blaire Bennett : Well?

  Ted : What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm naked!

  Blaire Bennett : You're always naked.

  Ted : Yeah, but I'm bathroom naked. I'm washing my bear parts. Get lost!

  [draws bath curtain closed in a huff] 

• Ted : So you have a few drinks, big deal! You know what nobody ever talks about with drunk driving? How fun it is!