We Wish You a Turtle Christmas

I'd like to say I have no words to express the sheer hysterical horror of this Christmas special. The truth is, since it's only 23 minutes, I have almost too many words. Where to begin? The story gives us the turtles doing nothing turtlely. Don't expect any fighting or ninja moves. This is simply the 4 turtles singing, almost non-stop for 23 minutes, as they try and find a gift for Splinter. The suits are so atrociously bad. These creeps never stop smiling. It was more like some sinister horror movie. They have one facial expression, and that expression is "rape". It's also very hard to see where Splinter's face is supposed to be. I think they just stuck googly eyes onto some brown cotton wool. Next we should focus on the music, as this is a musical. It doesn't just focus on bad 90's hip/hop and pop. Oh no siree! This little gem is going to take down as many musical genres as it can, kicking and screaming. Within the first few seconds Leonardo breaks into Deck the Halls...in a Jamaican accent. It's on par with Sebastian from The Little Mermaid, but at least he also spoke with a Jamaican accent. Why is a turtle from New York singing a Christmas song in a Jamaican accent? The lyrics have also been changed to include turtle references. Later we are treated to Michaelangelo singing opera in the middle of New York, and let's not forget the classic Wrap Rap. If you find bad things hilarious, you must watch this. Even though, it never quite tops the opening number. Pure insanity to imagine that at some point a producer suggested a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles musical with no fighting.