Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

Aaron Taylor-Johnson: Dave Lizewski, Kick-Ass

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Quotes 

• Dave Lizewski : You're gonna pay for what you did to my dad.

  Chris D'Amico : Your dad? You blew up my dad with a bazooka.

• Dr. Gravity : This is the zero-G device I invented. It can levitate any object up to a ton.

  Dave Lizewski : For real?

  Dr. Gravity : Hell no, man! This is a baseball bat wrapped in tin foil, but it fooled you!

• Mindy Macready : Hit me.

  Dave Lizewski : You're a 15-year-old girl.

  [Mindy slaps Dave] 

  Dave Lizewski : What the hell?

  [Mindy slaps Dave again] 

  Mindy Macready : Act like a bitch, get slapped like a bitch.

• [Mindy kisses Dave] 

  Dave Lizewski : What was that?

  Mindy Macready : That was my first kiss. Be nice or I'll rip your ass out through your mouth.

• Dave Lizewski : What's the matter, Chris? Shit hit your shorts?

  Chris D'Amico : Yeah, and I'm gonna wipe my ass with your face.

• Dave Lizewski : [in disguise]  I'm the whitest pimp ever.

• Dave Lizewski : I want to team up, like Batman and Robin.

  Mindy Macready : Nobody wants to be Robin.

  Dave Lizewski : What's wrong with Robin? Weren't you like Big Daddy's Robin?

  Mindy Macready : Okay, Robin wishes he was me.

  Dave Lizewski : What I'm trying to say is we should be partners, you and me, like the dynamic duo.

  Mindy Macready : I'm in the NFL, Dave, and you play pee-wee.

  Dave Lizewski : So train me. I want to walk the walk, and you're the closest thing I know to a real superhero. Aren't you tired of being on your own? Don't you want to know someone's there for you? Someone who's got your back?

• [first lines] 

  Mindy Macready : A handgun bullet travels at more than 700 miles per hour.

  [Mindy pulls a gun out] 

  Dave Lizewski : Hey, whoa! Absolutely not! No.

  Mindy Macready : Look, if you don't want to do it, you don't have to do it.

  Dave Lizewski : Okay, good. I don't want to do it!

  Mindy Macready : Fine.

  [Mindy shoots Dave in the chest] 

• Dave Lizewski : What is wrong with you, dude? This is not a comic book. This is real life! When you're dead, it's done. There's no sequel.

  Chris D'Amico : You made this real. You started it, and I'm going to end it! I'll be immortal, like an evil Jesus!

• Katie Deauxma : You remember Malik?

  Dave Lizewski : Dude who volunteers at your needle exchange?

  Katie Deauxma : His baton is so much bigger than Kick-Ass'.

  Dave Lizewski : No.

  Katie Deauxma : Yeah. And by baton, I mean penis.

  Dave Lizewski : Yeah, I got that. Thanks.

• The Tumor : Eat a dick!

  Mindy Macready : You're going to eat yours if you don't start talking.

  The Tumor : Go ahead and shoot me, you little bitch. There's nothing you can do to make me talk.

  [Mindy pistol whips The Tumor] 

  Dave Lizewski : Hold on. I can't do this right now. It's my dad's funeral.

  Mindy Macready : Dave, your father loved you... just like my daddy loved me, and I know it hurts but maybe... maybe that's the real meaning of being a superhero. It's taking that pain and turning it into something good. Something right. Remember what you told me? This is your life. You've got to live it. Now help me find some pliers. I'm going to make this guy eat his own dick.

  The Tumor : Seriously?

• Dave Lizewski : [voice-over]  If I was even thinking about a Kick-Ass sequel, I had to get serious.

• [last lines] 

  Dave Lizewski : [voice-over]  When Mindy left, that's when I finally understood where my life was going. Just like it had to eventually happen, that real people would try to be superheroes, eventually it had to end too. Superheroes can't exist in the real world for a reason. It's because the real world needs real heroes, and not some punk in a wetsuit playing dress-up, but a genuine badass who can really kick ass.

• Dave Lizewski : [bumping into Goth Kid]  Ow, watch it.

  Goth Kid : Watch me end your life!

  Marty : Come on, forget it, it's just one of those dickheads that follows the Motherfucker on Twitter.

  Dave Lizewski : Who?

  Marty : The Motherfucker. He's some guy planning to be the world's first super-villain. He's got, like, a thousand followers already.

  Dave Lizewski : What an asshole.

• Dave Lizewski : You're not scared to die?

  Mindy Macready : Are you scared you're never gonna grow into your big boy pants?

  Dave Lizewski : I'm serious. What if Spider-Man or Batman got killed one night? Like, it could happen.

  Mindy Macready : If you're scared of dying, one thing is certain - you are going to die. My daddy was never afraid of dying.

  Dave Lizewski : Look where that got him.

  Mindy Macready : He knew he might have to make the ultimate sacrifice one day, and that's why he made me promise I'd never stop defending this city. Cross my heart, hope to die.

  Dave Lizewski : Your dad was insane. You know that, right?

  Mindy Macready : You're wrong, Dave. My daddy was the first real superhero. Not you or Red Mist. It was my daddy, and it was an honor to serve by his side.