Left 4 Dead 2 (2009 Video Game)
Eric Ladin: Ellis
Quotes
-
Ellis : ["Dead Center"; Streets, in the Hotel's saferoom] My buddy Keith tried camping out on top of a building once. He was shooting crows, but the police were too busy tear-gassin' him to ask what he was doin' up there. He screamed for an entire *year* every single time when he opened his eyes! Oh, man! At first it was funny, then it just got sad, but then it got funny again! Oh, man!
-
Ellis : ["Dark Carnival"; arriving at Kiddie Land] Holy *shit,* guys - KIDDIE LAND!
Coach : Sometimes, it feels like we *baby-sittin',* doe'n't it?
Rochelle : He *is* making the best of a bad situation.
Nick : [alt. line] He's like a five-year-old. With guns. And a comprehensive grasp of every swearword in the English language.
Rochelle : [alt. line] I wish I could be that happy... ah, to hell with it. *WHOO! Kiddie Land!*
-
Coach : ["Dark Carnival"; Stadium saferoom] Okay, here's the plan. First, we look around for supplies. then we start the Midnight Riders' finale. It's all kinds of fireworks, smoke pots 'n' lights 'n' shit. That chopper pilot can't *miss* it!
Ellis : [barely able to contain his excitement] So we gotta set up to rock, and then fight zombies? This is the best day of my life!
Nick : Coach, that is about the stupidest idea I've ever agreed with. I've never seen the Midnight Riders, but okay - let's try it.
Coach : Then let's do it! Everybody grab a weapon and let's go!
-
Coach : [reading CEDA notice] "Report unusual behavior"...
[Nick opens the cash register with his magnum, smirks]
Coach : "Barricade your homes"...
[Ellis opens up a weapon rack, a devilish grin spreading across his face]
Coach : "Avoid all contact with infected individuals"...
[Ellis passes a pistol to Rochelle, who is checking a map for any possible evac points]
Coach : "Wait for official instructions."
[laughs and throws paper away]
Coach : [getting up, walking to the camera's right with chocolate bar in hand] Wait, my ass.
Ellis : [camera reveals him to be fully-loaded: a first-aid kit, Grenade Launcher and Hunting Rifle strapped to his back; and holding a SPAS-12 combat shotgun] Kill all sons-a-bitches.
[cocks shotgun, grinning]
Ellis : That's *my* 'fficial instructions.
-
Nick : ["Hard Rain": beginning] Wanna hear a prediction?
Ellis : Nope.
Coach : *No!*
Nick : There's not gonna *be* any gas. Watch.
[the group moves through the Burger Tank and reaches the gas station]
Coach : [reading the sign] Outta gas. *Shit.*
Nick : No gas. See, what'd I say?
Ellis : Looks like we're gonna have to walk to this Ducatel place.
Nick : What makes you think *they* still have gas?
Coach : 'Cause if they don't? We gonna be stuck here *forever,* Nick.
-
[ridden by a Jockey]
Coach : Jockey on me!
Coach : Jockey on my back!
Coach : Gah, that thing's on me!
Coach : Ellis - Ellis, is that you? What the hell?
Ellis : Get this off my *back!*
Ellis : I got a Jockey on me!
Ellis : Sum*bitch* is on my back!
Ellis : This ain't right havin' this THING on me!
Ellis : *Git* this *thing* - *off* - *me!*
Ellis : This thing is *ridin'* me!
Ellis : *Is this thing humpin' me?*
Nick : Shoot this thing on my back!
Rochelle : I can't see! This thing is on me!
Rochelle : It's on my face!
Rochelle : [struggling] Let go! *Let* *go!*
Rochelle : LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO!
[seeing a Jockey riding a fellow Survivor]
Coach : That ain't right for a man to be *ridden* like that.
Coach : *Damn*... that ain't right.
Ellis : Oh, looks like a monkey on a mule!
Ellis : Hey, where's that thing *goin'* with 'em?
Ellis : That's just humiliating!
Ellis : That don't look dignified!
Nick : Ten bucks says he takes 'em to the right.
-
[friendly fire]
Ellis : I'm not a *zombie.* Shoot the *ZOMBIES.*
Ellis : C'mon, man, it's not funny anymore!
Ellis : Would you *mind* not shootin' me, please?
Ellis : What was *that* for?
Ellis : Y'all take leave of your senses?
Ellis : *Damn,* man, quit shootin' me!
Ellis : You're shootin' me!... Well, that just dills my pickle!
Ellis : Why'n the hell you guys keep shootin' me?
Ellis : Hey, that's not cool. *Seriously.*
Ellis : You do that again an' I'll knock you into next week.
-
Ellis : [recovering from the Smoker attack, Ellis looks out the elevator window. His expression of disgust changes into shock as he sees hundreds of common infected in the mall's atrium] Holy *shit*...
[Coach offers his hand to Ellis, who takes it]
Rochelle : [giving Ellis a grenade launcher right after Coach helps him up] Hey. "Kill all sons-a-bitches", right?
[Ellis nods, grinning at his new toy]
-
Ellis : ["Swamp Fever"; start of Plank Country] Nick, what the hell? You shot the pilot!
Nick : Well, he wasn't doing a good job once he became a zombie, now, was he?
Coach , Rochelle : That's true. If I had to pick a low point in the flight, it was probably when he stopped flying the chopper and attacked us.
Ellis : [alt. line] True, true, he *was* a zombie, but he was also our *only pilot!*
Nick : I shot a *zombie.* He was a *zombie,* Ellis. He must've gotten bitten before he picked us up.
-
Nick : [when the group finds a working elevator] Technically, you're not supposed to use an elevator in a fire. But that might not apply during a *zombie apocalypse.*
[the group enters the elevator, where one member hits the button for the lobby]
Nick : [as the doors shut] Nick. Name's Nick. You all did good. What're your names?
Coach : People just call me Coach.
Rochelle : [to Ellis] Hey. Name's Rochelle. You?
Ellis : Ellis. It's a pleasure to meet you, Rochelle.
-
Nick : ["The Parish"; the group climbs out of a sewer... into the middle of an impound lot] Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch where you shoot!
Ellis : *Shit.* They all got alarms.
Rochelle : Careful, alarm cars everywhere...
Coach : Everybody take it slow, now...
[the group starts moving through the lot]
Nick : Careful... *careful... *
-
Ellis : [Swamp Fever; on the ferry boat in Plank Country] If y'all ask me, these swamp people got it all figured out. No cops, no rules...
Rochelle : No indoor plumbing?
Ellis : They figured out how to stop goin' to the bathroom? *Man,* that is a*maz*in'...
[understanding and disgust make his expression of impression go away]
Ellis : ... oh. No, wait... oh, I just got that. *Shit,* that's gross as hell.
-
Ellis : ["The Passing"; seeing the Witch bride, whispers:] Oh, man... You think she's cryin' 'cause she got left at the altar?
-
["Swamp Fever"; the group finds a dead parachutist]
Coach : Shit. Why would you ever jump out of a plane?
Ellis : What's a parachutist doin' out here?
Ellis : Why would he parachute out here?
[later, they come across a crashed passenger plane]
Coach : All right. *Now* I understand why you would jump out of a plane.
Coach : Looks like we weren't the only people crashin' today.
Coach : Nick, you didn't shoot this pilot too, didya?
Ellis : Holy *shit*... Well, this explains our parachutist.
Ellis : Had to be *scary* to be on this flight.
Nick : I guess walking isn't so bad.
-
Ellis : [inside a Rescue Closet] Oh, come on, man! I'm gettin' *bored*! Get me outta here!
-
Ellis : [picking up a nightstick, singing] Gonna beat me a zombie to death with a nightstick!
-
Ellis : [upon seeing a Tank] Tank! Run! No, no, no, don't run - SHOOOOT!
-
Coach : ["Dead Center"; initial encounter with Infected in the Hotel] Y'all know what the hell these things are?
Nick : These don't look like people...
Ellis : Zombies are real! I *knew* them movies were true!
Rochelle : You hear about them, but... until you see them...
Nick : I dunno about you, but I'm killing these things.
Coach : It's them or us.
-
Ellis : ["Dark Carnival"; as the group passes through the Fairgrounds] Would you *look* at all these rides? And no LINES! Wish we weren't in such a hurry!
-
[Ellis follows the others into the elevator as Infected close in. A Smoker appears and lassoes Ellis with its tongue just he passes through the closing doors]
Ellis : Agh! What the he - ?
[Then a couple of Common Infected grab Ellis, keeping the doors from shutting]
Ellis : AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Nick : [grabbing Ellis and pulling him away] No!
Coach : [approaching with a chainsaw] God*damn*it! EAT THAT SHIT!
[Coach shreds through the Common Infected and the Smoker's tongue, pulling back just as the doors close]
-
[when gooed by Spitter]
Coach : Wha - *SPIT!*
Coach : Damn Spitter got me!
Coach : God*dam*mit - GOO!
Ellis : I got Spitter shit on me!
Ellis : Ah, hell, man, Spitter goo!
Ellis : Goddamn GOO!
Nick : [multiple versions] I got hit by the burning goo shit!
Nick : God - *dam*mit, I'm - covered in goo!
Coach , Nick , Rochelle : Get outta the goo!
[gooed in "Dead Center"]
Coach : That female zombie jus' *spat* somethin' on me!
Coach : You have *got* to be *kiddin'* me...
Ellis : What the *hell?* 's he spittin' *fire?*
Ellis : Oh, great, now they're spittin' shit at us!
Ellis : Yo, somebody's gotta kill that zombie spittin' shit!
Nick : Ugh, what in the hell did that *thing* just *do?*
Nick : Ugh, *what* is this *shit* on me?
Nick : Ugh, *what* am I *covered* in?
Rochelle : Oh, geezus - this zombie spits burning shit!
-
Ellis : [as Coach and Nick catch up with Ellis and Rochelle on the deserted hotel roof] Hey, where is everybody? Hellooooo?
Rochelle : Oh, this is not happening...
Ellis : Anyone here?
Rochelle : [Three helicopters are seen flying away from the city] This isn't happening... this isn't happening...
Coach : [angered] Thought they were supposed to be savin' our asses!
Nick : Looks like there's been a change of plans...
-
["Dead Center"; grabbed by a Smoker]
Coach : I'm all wrapped up!
Coach : Hey! Where'm I gettin' dragged off to?
Ellis : Augh, I've been *lassoed!*
Ellis : I can't move - *help* - !
Ellis : I'm gettin' dragged away!
Ellis : Augh, where's this thing draggin' me?
Nick : What's this *shit?*
Nick : What th - ah, *gross shit!*
Nick : Freaking TONGUE?
Rochelle : Oh, shit! What the hell is goin' on?
-
[pummeled by a Charger]
Coach , Ellis , Nick , Rochelle : CHARGER'S GOT ME!
Coach : Shoot this damn Charger!
Coach : Goddamn - *one-a y'all gonna shoot this thing?*
Coach : Don't stan' there! Kill this thing!
Coach : Charger's - *poundin'* me into the ground!
Ellis : Charger's rippin' me UP!
Ellis : *Kill* this *thing!*
Ellis : *Shoot* the damn thing!
Ellis : Just *shoot it!* SHOOT IT!
Nick : Could somebody shoot this *goddamn thing?*
Nick : Shoot the big guy poundin' me into the ground!
Rochelle : [grunts in pain] Don't *bash;* shoot!
Rochelle : Shoot it, shoot it, shoot this thing!
Rochelle : I ain't playin' with this thing, *help!*
-
[when chased by a Witch]
Coach : The bitch is chasin' me!
Coach : Run! Run! Witch comin' through!
Coach : Shoot the Witch, *shoot the Witch!*
Coach : Oh, shit. WITCH! WITCH! WITCH!
Ellis : Comin' through! Witch on my ass!
Ellis : Run, I pissed 'er off!
Ellis : WITCH! WITCH! WITCH!
Nick : [2 versions] Ahhhhh I *pissed the Witch off!*
Nick : This bitch is chasin' me!
Nick : Witch coming! Witch coming!
Nick : Shoot the Witch! Shoot the Witch! Shoot the Witch! *What are you doing? Shoot her!*
Rochelle : My bad, my bad, my bad!
Rochelle : Kill the damn thing!
["The Passing"; when chased by the Witch bride]
Coach : Ugly bride is chasin' me, man! Ugly bride is chasin' me!
Coach : Kill the bride! Kill the bride!
Ellis : Runaway bride, RUNAWAY BRIDE!
Ellis : Help here! Here comes the bride!
Ellis , Nick : Here comes the bride!
Rochelle : Ohhh, I've pissed off another bride!
-
Coach : ["Dark Carnival"; at the carousel] A'ight, this is gonna open the gate, and *what* the hell else?
Nick : You know what? Somehow, I think it's gonna activate everything else around here.
[They open the gate, activating the carousel]
Coach : Ahh *damn,* the merry-go-round started!
Coach : [alt. line] *Shit,* that thing's makin' a racket!
[They start running their way to the switch, amid hordes of Infected]
Ellis : Turn that damn thing off!
-
Whitaker : [the survivors have entered Whitaker's gun shop and started to take weapons. He speaks over the intercom from the floor above] Hello there. Now, normally when four bloodstained looters break into my store, I would shoot them where they stand. But you happen to have caught me at an opportune time. Take what weapons you need and come on upstairs. I reckon we can come to an accordance. I'm guessing you four'd be heading to the mall for rescue. And I further guess you won't get there, as the road is blocked. I know because I watched CEDA block it. So here's what I propose: I've barricaded myself on the roof with provisions and guns enough to kill every zombie in the city five times over, and eat well while I'm doing it. But in my haste I forgot to pack cola. Cola and nuts is a weakness of mine-though I do not love it so much that I'd be fool enough to die in the attempt to procure it. So here is my proposition: If you go find me some cola at yonder food store, I'll clear that CEDA blockade for you.
Ellis : I can understand that. Man needs his snacks.
[quietly]
Ellis : Man, this guy's weird.
[alt. line]
Ellis : Sir, in exchange for the use of your weapons, I will get you some Cola.
[alt. line]
Ellis : Cola for guns; I think this is like the reverse of what my school did.
Coach : [one possible line] I have never killed zombies on a snack run, but today is a day of firsts. If you don't mind us using your guns to do it, we're good to go.
[alt. line]
Coach : Cola and nuts? Could go for some myself. Better not be diet cola because that I will not do.
Whitaker : No, sir. Diet don't get the right flavor. I better not see no cherry neither. It's straight cola or no deal.
-
Rochelle : [the survivors arrive at a radio at the plantation house] Let's try the radio.
Ellis : [presses the button] Howdy.
Virgil : Well bonjour! It's real, real good to hear from someone; it's real quiet 'round here. Hey, now where is you folks at?
Ellis : We're at a plantation house.
Virgil : All right now, stay right where you is; I'm gonna come get ya.
-
Coach : [hearing the radio] Those sound like soldiers! Somebody talk to 'em.
Nick : [alt. line] Hey, those are soldiers! Let's let 'em know we're here.
Nick : [picks up the radio] Um, Hello?
Ellis : [if Ellis picks up] Hello there!
Papa Gator : Rescue 7, that's coming from the bridge! Bridge, identify yourself.
[or]
Papa Gator : Bridge! Who is this?
Rochelle : This is someone who could use some help.
Coach : [if Coach answers] Hey! There's four of us on the bridge!
Nick : [if Nick answers] My name's Nick. There's four of us on the... on the west end of the bridge.
Ellis : [if Ellis answers] Name's Ellis! You?
[alternate line]
Ellis : Four people that could use some help, sir.
[alternate line]
Ellis : Uh, well well, shit, I'm Ellis, I got Rochelle here with me. Coach, and Nick.
Rochelle : [if Rochelle answers] Uh, sorry for using the radio, but, we are four survivors on the bridge.
[or just]
Rochelle : Four survivors on the bridge!
[or]
Rochelle : This is someone who could use some help!
Papa Gator : Bridge, are you immune?
Coach , Nick , Rochelle : [Coach, Nick, and Rochelle all say this line in different ways if they were the one who picked up the radio] We are NOT infected.
Ellis : [if Ellis answered] I ain't *sick*...!
[alt. line]
Ellis : I'm feelin' pretty good.
[or]
Ellis : I guess. I think so... Whaddya mean?
Rochelle : [if Rochelle answered] We're not infected! Listen, we...
[she is interrupted]
Papa Gator : [response to any of them] Negative Bridge. Are you IMMUNE? Have you encountered the infected?
Coach : *Encountered*? Boy, I am covered in zombie blood and puke and eyeballs and twenty other parts I don't even recognize. We are immune as SHIT.
Rochelle : Yeah, yes, yes, we are immune.
[or an alternate line]
Rochelle : Okay. We just ran up here covered in blood getting chased by zombies. Do you *think* we've encountered infected? LET US THROUGH THE DAMN BRIDGE!
Nick : [if Nick answered] Yeah, you could say that.
Ellis : [if Ellis answered] We fought zombies, yeah!
[or]
Ellis : Well hell, yeah, we fought zombies!
Papa Gator : Rescue Seven, are you equipped for carriers?
Rescue 7 : Affirmative, Papa Gator.
Papa Gator : Bridge, we have pulled out of that sector. Your only remaining pickup is available on the other end of the bridge. Our last chopper is leaving in ten minutes. You need to lower the span and get across the bridge. God be with you.
[alternate line]
Papa Gator : Bridge, that sector is clear of friendlies. Your only remaining pickup is on the east bank of the bridge. Our last chopper is leaving in ten minutes. You need to lower the span and get across to the east end. Be advised, the bridge is crawling with Whiskey Deltas.
[or]
Papa Gator : Be advised, the bridge is crawling with infected.
[end line]
Papa Gator : Good luck./Good luck, Bridge./God be with you, Bridge.
Coach : I hear ya, man. See ya soon.
[alt. line]
Coach : We gotcha. We used to that shit by now.
[alt. line]
Coach : Wind up the chopper, because here we come.
[alt. line]
Coach : We're on our way.
Nick : [if Nick turns on the bridge] You heard the man, let's get across the goddamn bridge.
Ellis : [if Ellis turns on the bridge] Allright, he says we gotta lower the bridge, be careful of the zombies, and they'll be waiting on the other side. Oh yeah - and he wishes us good luck.