User reviews

if it wasn't for face paint and implants, the three leads would be pumping mocha mixer into Java at an L.A. convenience store for tips.

and the screen writer should be making change for the same franchise.

unfortunately; pulp fiction, spawned a legion of foul-mouthed wannabee scribblers, and this script is a glowing, specious example of that diseased, copy-cat genre.

the one redeeming thing in this film is the cinematography. it is very well shot. the format is well used, and the d.p. understands that the secret to good visuals is good lighting--something often overlooked by d.p.'s who jumped rungs on the ladder and skipped the lighting department. because of this, i actually watched most of this feature, even beyond the five minutes it took me to become bored with having that much silicone rubbed in my face.

a modern Thelma and Louise it ain't.

It just goes to show no matter how low you set the bar, incompetence can still make you come up short. This film is so bad I actually had to start an IMDb account to let people know just how terrible it really is.

The reality is, it wouldn't have taken much for this to be a decent film. The box cover promises sex and violence and delivers far too little on both. The cheesy direction, bad acting, bad dialogue and low- budget effects are laughable...and that would normally be okay! It's exactly what's expected. All the film had to do was deliver on the action and skin. The film gets a 3 out of 10 for the action and a big 0 for the skin. Was this film made for the Spike channel? There's NO NUDITY in this film to speak of despite the fact that it's exactly what the box promises. Yes, three, hot vixens in an exploitation movie and none of them get naked. There are hotter sex scenes in the 10 pm network TV slot. How does a director fail this badly? And the "unrated" label was just another ploy to let the viewer think they're getting something edgy. Either that or the money man saw how bad the film is and wouldn't pony up a few grand more for an MPAA rating.

If there was a filmmaker jail, Jacobson would be on death row. Shameful.

I will rate this movie a two. One star given because the audio works, and one allocated because the screen footage operates alright. Apart from that, there really isn't much else to this movie. There is no clever plot, I think the complete bad storyline of this movie must have been thought up within a whole 5 minutes. This movie is solid evidence that it doesn't take much to be a successful movie scriptwriter. There are no lovable or dynamic characters whom the viewer is able to connect with, instead just boring airhead characters who provide little more than a mere chuckle. You can toss away any expectations of a deep and meaningful message, as this movie lacks that completely. Any belief of strong female characters which appear in this movie is completely fictional. If a female stripper is one you consider "strong" I believe that is very wrong. For female main characters which are considered strong I recommend watching something good like Kill Bill or Million Dollar Baby. It is a much more better way to spend time then painstakingly sitting through this film. If you have a decent IQ and will want to see a movie which actually requires some brain power, you'll want to give this one a miss.

This is a total awesome movie to watch -with not only cool camera work, tacky lines, totally tacky leads, but over the top sex action and nonsense that makes this more fun than the Tarantino movies that it is compared to.

Certainly focused on women as eye candy, it doesn't try in any fashion to be anything but. There's somewhat of a story and it eventually gets there, but really - watching tits and ass in fine form will detract and distract you from the plot.

Guns, strippers, creative camera work, split screens make this seem like a comic book and it probably actually is based on a comic book story - who knows.

Perfect movie for those who aren't politically correct in terms of how women should behave. This is what the "Spice Girls" movie would be like if it was really a movie -not just a bunch of giggling girls.

With totally ridiculous humor, over the top drama / action and women that truly bring the "Girl Power" on, this is a movie that is fun to watch - even with your girlfriend.

Easy potential to be a series or a music video.

I loved it.

This movie is about the most awful that I have seen in a while. The only worthwhile experience of watching this film are the sensual forms of Cummings, Voth and Olivo - Voth in particular if you ask me. These woman are really very pretty, but when it ends up carrying the weight of the film, the makers should've aimed for a porno instead. It's just not good enough to watch the same cheap tricks for the length that the movie has (e.g. over-obvious continuously present breasts, needless inklings on the female genitalia, and so on...). Once or twice is funny, thousands of times is just stupid. It appears to me Jacobson intended to make the film using a 'Planet terror-like' style, i.e. to present the film in a somewhat absurd way to allow for the storyline to be the complete nonsense that it is. Unfortunately this doesn't work at all, and the editing is annoyingly present at each instant in the movie. Adding to that the bad acting and the storyline which is ridiculous and confusing at the same time, this movie is a very long sit-through, of which I barely made it to the end.

Really horrible. Only for the true Voth/Cummings/Olivo aficionados - but even still it's a long sit-through.

I think this movie is an excellent example of its genre . Great non-linear story-line , over the top insanely intense characters , lots of action. Very "Quintin-esk". great twists in the story.

Yeah I get it. This is a spoof of B movies.

I feel dumber for watching as much as I did before I started to fast forward to see if it gets any better. The ladies are truly magnificent. The acting, writing, effects and wardrobe were sadly not magnificent. How this movie got more than a ** Two star rating is a mystery. I do look forward to seeing any of the actresses in something more legitimate.

Also the policeman would have called it in. He sought no opportunity to gain revenue for the county. This is very unrealistic, especially for a Nevada policeman. The writer should have known this and added it in as a complication to the plot.

This movie wants so badly to be like grindhouse or a Tarrentino flic, but the strength of the dialog is just not there.

What, you say? You didn't know Robocop was a satire? Hmm, then you might want to skip Beyotch Slap (note: thanks, IMDb's profanity filter). Much in the tradition of the brilliant cinematic satirist Paul Veerhoven who did Robocop and Starship Troopers, Beyotch Slap is a cheeky, sarcastic jab at the hyper violence genre with a poignant message just below the surface.

The story unfolds in a teasing, non-linear way, beginning with an apocalyptic aftermath and then jumping back a few hours where most of the story takes place but frequent jumps to the weeks and months prior. That is, nothing is spelled out, and it's almost 3/4 through the movie before you realize why these 3 buxom babes are out in the middle of the desert with dead bodies piling up.

Beyond the twisty mystery, racy plot, witty dialogue ("Lick my love pump!"), cool action scenes, great cat fights (complete with a screeching cat sound effect or two when one of the ladies happens to get punched in the fun bun), what really makes this film is the fantastic dynamic between the 3 very different personalities of our protagonists and the excellent way each of the 3 leading ladies brings her character to life. There is the leader "Hel" who is the brains of the bunch, "Camaro" who is the muscle as well as sheer psycho element, and then there's "Trix" who is the ditzy tagalong who, despite being a sultry hot stripper, has the air of being someone who still believes in the Easter bunny.

Throw the 3 together along with a couple of awesome criminal characters, a few buckets of blood, a bunch of unapologetically gratuitous cleavage shots and a slow motion water fight, and of course the aforementioned biting satire of every chixploitation flick from the 70s, and you've got one bona fide cinematic work of art. I'm not even being sarcastic when I say that. If you grasp the tongue in cheek nature of this film, you'll find yourself very impressed and thoroughly satisfied at this gem of a movie.

I'm shocked that IMDb has rated this so low (4.5 as of the time I'm writing this), and my only guess is that the people rating this movie so low are the same people who think Spinal Tap is a real band.

An entertaining film. I about gave up on it a time or two, but I hung in there and it redeemed itself. Better than any Russ Meyer film I have seen, and maybe even a notch above Tarantino. Much effort went into this film especially by the three female leads, well chosen for their role. There were the boobs and blood and all-out raucous catfights. If Tarantino style turns you off, you may not like it, but if not I suggest you watch this one and watch it to the end. The plot twists and ending are worth it. And a worthwhile and revealing view of women which one of the female trio expressed as "We are all just bitches in the end". I like that and late in the film a quote from a several hundred B.C. Chinese text which begins "All warfare is based on deception . . .", a thoughtful commentary giving a certain meaning to the film and raising it above the usual grindhouse fare for those paying attention to more than just the action.

This movie was absolutely awful! The ladies Trixie and Camaro were definitely attractive to an extent but not enough to keep you interested in the movie. I fought to see it through to the end. Just a bunch of horse hockey with nice lighting is all I can give it. 2 thumbs down. This movie puts me in the mind of Kill Bill because of the horrible acting, Sin City because mostly green screen was used, Titanic because it was long and drawn out and last but not least like any of the Porno's from the 90s because the plot absolutely sucked butt!!! If I can save someones time just by typing this little comment then that is definitely what I will do because it is a complete waste of time. I don't understand why no one else above me seemed to think so, ::Shrugs:: Oh well.

This "direct to DVD" disaster is what happens when you combine "Assault of the Killer Bimbos" (1988) and "Undercover Brother" (2002) with a few sequences stolen from assorted exploitation movies. Make things worse by using a director with even less acting for the camera directing skills than Tony Scott showcased in "Domino" (2005). Just give him a script and a post-production editing style interchangeable with "Domino" and you end up with its unfortunate look and feel. I can recommend "Assault of the Killer Bimbos" and "Undercover Brother". I can't say the same for "Bitch Slap" or for "Domino"; it would take a second viewing of both movies to determine which is worse and I don't crave that level of self-inflicted punishment. So here are some random thoughts from my twisted mind:

The plot in exploitation films like these four is of little consequence, they are made for a target audience perfectly willing to suspend disbelief and ignore basic logic considerations about all manner of things in exchange for some high-energy action, mild comedy, and most importantly a lot of erotic thrills. Say what you will about "Assault of the Killer Bimbos" (1988) and "Undercover Brother"; but along with a decent level of comedy these films actually delivered some great erotic exploitation moments. You would think that "Bitch Slap", given that exploitation was its sole purpose, could manage the same.

The problem is that while Julia Voth is genuinely hot, the other two actresses have an aging soccer mom look, with testosterone features and manjaws. America Olivo has even higher mileage than Erin Cummings, an orange skin, and an almost staggering lack of acting for the camera skill. Rather than erotic energy, she is such a turn-off that her scenes (even catfights) range from sterile to repellent. Director Rick Jacobson was associated with the short-lived television series "Cleopatra 2525", which featured Victoria Pratt. Pratt's acting style and strangely "less than zero" sex appeal appear to be the qualities he was seeking when he cast Olivo. And they wonder why these things lose money.

The quickly "television toast" "Cleopatra 2525" (a sort of female "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century") suffered from the exploitation curse of a clueless wardrobe manager. The far more wholesome target audience of "Buck Rogers" was treated each week to sharp focus close-ups of curvy actresses parading around in tight spandex and boots. Cleopatra's heroines had to get by with a thrift shop quality wardrobe that managed the seemingly impossible feat of making Jennifer Sky look like something out of "The Grapes of Wrath" (1940). "Bitch Slap" mostly goes for this same thrift shop look except for a slicker look in several brief flashback scenes. And they wonder why these things lose money?

Jacobson's idea of parody is to simply steal an idea and duplicate it in his movie; defying logic by doing it in a "less" rather than "more" over-the-top manner. Some clueless producer must have thought this would impress any viewers who did not see the original and pass it off as parody to those more knowledgeable (as justification for the lack of originality). For example, "Bitch Slap" simply appropriates "Kill Bill's" Japanese school-girl uniform assassin idea, replacing the teenage Chiaki Kuriyama with a bored looking middle-aged Asian actress. And they wonder why these things lose money.

Jacobson was also associated with "Xena: Warrior Princess" and the action sequences he directed for "Bitch Slap" are of the same hyper-edited style. Like that series, the fight sequences simply do not engage a viewer, as without exception they consist of separately shot one-second moves taped together in post-production.

There are a few other Tarantino and Russ Meyer elements in "Bitch Slap". All suffer in comparison to the originals. None rise to the level of good self-reflexive parody. Don't believe any comment favorably comparing this film to Meyer's "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" (1965). There are no Lori Williams' or Susan Bernard's in this cast. Although Olivo shares Bernard's Playboy Magazine connection, in her case it mostly serves as an illustration of the ability to digitally enhance a photograph. And they wonder why these things lose money.

STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning

Whatever Tarantino and Rodriguez do turns into instant 'cool', and whatever's cool many want to imitate. Grindhouse, really cheap, trashy films made in the 70s, are as low budget as they come anyway, so even cheaper no name straight to DVD entries like this are even more game for slating. What I'm basically saying is, if you're a fan of Grindhouse, this should just about pass for you. If not, you can only pick it apart for what it is, the ultimate in cheap, trashy exploitation, with the threadbare, almost none existent plot, only there to serve as an excuse for the amply chested lead babes to get their chests sprayed wet at any given moment, or for another act of gratuitous violence to occur, or whatever. Grindhouse is in style at the moment, so if you're for it you're for it, or if you're not you should avoid this. **

At last, a film aimed at the 18 – 35 year old white male demographic, Hollywood has been ignoring us for years.

This is supposed to be some sort of ironic "if it looks like sexploitation then you don't get it. We win."

I do get this. "This" is just a bad movie with some cleavage. So was "I know what you did last Summer", only even that was better than this.

Now if you make a movie called Bitch Slap and pick the cast with cleavage taking priority over looks and acting ability, as an 18-35 white male this is what I expect:

T & A Hotness Action Laughs

And being honest Bitch Slap tries for these, valiantly, it just doesn't have the tools to get the job done.

T & A

The very first scene (after credits) plays out like this; two chicks peel themselves from their classic car, wearing high heels and cleavage, all in slo-mo and backed by cheesy rock music.

Like I said, they tried.

There are sexy outfits, sexy talk, even one sexy girl-on-girl scene. There are also numerous girl-on-girl fistfights, most necessitating removal of clothes and two a supposedly hot Asian baddie.

Despite all the above there is not one nipple on show, aside from a glimpse in a crowded strip club on an extra.

Grade – F. There is more T & A on a Beauty & the Geek ad!

Hotness

There are three primary "babes" and the afore-mentioned Asian chick.

Camaro – The undeniably hot one (America Olivo). Clad in a tight-white tank top and lowwww cut jeans. Also seemed to remember most of her lines and pulled off a couple of convincing expressions that suited the scene. Good effort. +'s Much cleavage. -'s No nudity of any kind.

Trixie – Trixie is whiny, clueless and annoying for much of the film. She does wear a tight fitting dress and jiggle about for much of the film, but it just can't call her sexy or hot. (Without an inch of dust she's probably hot as hell in real life.)

+'s Cleavage, a tight dress and much bouncing. -'s No nudity of any kind.

Hel – The boss of the three. Dresses like a businesswoman or mildly sexy accountant. The cleavage is once again on display but this woman just does nothing for me. And I have no idea of her vintage but she also looks old.

+'s Cleavage, a vaguely alluring business outfit. -'s No nudity of any kind. (Almost another + really.)

Token Asian chickie – I love the schoolgirl outfit and the tiny skirt, but as someone once said you could carve a roast on her face… and it looks like someone did. Also, for anyone who finds the non-English babbling sexy or hilarious you have issues.

+'s Cleavage, schoolgirl outfit with the shortest skirt on a smokin' body. -'s No nudity of any kind. The skirt never rides up enough to allow…

Grade – C (Barely). Realistically only Camaro provides value, Trixie is adequate and the Asian chickie and Hel disappointing. I guess reality shows drew in all the hottie skanks willing to do anything for fame.

Action

If you want an action movie run in the other direction. Some people are shot, there are fistfights played for sexiness over action.

Disappointing effort indeed.

Grade – D. A great action movie this is not.

Laughs

I think I have a sense of humour, I didn't laugh once in this. Either my sense of humour was broken for 110 minutes, or 732 references to female genitalia, an Asian woman spouting gibberish and a staged water fight aren't as funny as this film assumes.

This was obviously aiming for a cult audience by having women talking crassly to each other. Good luck with that, it worked for Sex and the City.

Grade – F. A 2 hour laugh free skit based upon a busted premise.

Even though it isn't a major factor I might as well discuss the story. Three chicks are looking for a hidden stash of stolen gems, other guys are against them. Guys are evil and must be treated badly and punished.

There. Discussed the story. Moving on…

The filmmakers basically tried to make a Sin City clone in the totally annoying and unnecessary flashbacks that take up maybe 15 minutes of running time in an attempt to make the film look bigger and more impressive. Doesn't work, Sin City looked stylish, this looks cheap.

So overall, a C, a D and two F's gives me no choice but to rate Bitch Slap a massive fail. What should be an easy task, creating a T & A tease flick backfired so horribly that the only audience I can see who would appreciate this mess is the early teens, and only if their parents have strict internet blockers that screen everything vaguely attractive… and if they have no friends or all their friends have similar parents.

Small group.

I'd rather watch a real exploitation flick than this wannabe cult classic. I went in expecting very little, even a C grade film would have killed some time, even with my reduced expectations I was severely let down.

Final Rating – 4.5 / 10. You want action watch any action film. You want laughs watch any comedy. You want hotness and T & A buy an FHM magazine or even just stay up late and watch those slutty ads on cable TV.

You want ANY of the above AVOID this. (And thank America Olivo for at least 4 of those points.)

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Starts off like a cheap porn movie, but turns out as quite a good action movie, Tarantino style. Lots of blood and violence. A lot of nice (mean but also in a good way) and nude girls. A story that rather falls in the background by what you get to see. Funny special effects that are not all that bad and fit the movie quite well. Lots of nice girls. Cat fights among hot girls. More girls, and yeah well, naked girls. This movie lives up to its title "bitch slap" rules this movie. And it has got Hercules, Kevin Sorbo in it. All in all if you are bored and got 1 1/2 hours to kill, give this movie a go but don't expect an A movie, more of a good B movie.

I have to agree with my D, I don't know how anyone could give this a rating higher than 3. This movie sucks, yeah it has some hot ladies in it, but other than their cleavage, there's nothing good that comes outta them. I've seen late night B movies on HBO with better acting, better story, and A LOT bigger budget. How this even made it to theaters is beyond me. If your looking for a movie you can watch with some guys and get all high/drunk and make fun of a movie, this is it. Your jokes and laughter will be more entertaining than this POS. And yes, half of this move is filmed in front of a green screen. The only good thing (other than the ending) was when 2 of the girls have this lesbian make out session in a dilapidated mobile home. But if you need to watch this movie to see that, you need to get out more.

Bitch Slap sees a gang of scantily clad ladies journey into the desert in an attempt to steal 200 million dollars worth of diamonds. If you're a fan of trashy exploitation flicks and love guns, cleavage, and women getting out of cars in slow-motion, then Bitch Slap was made with you in mind. It's fun, it's hyperactive, and it's a film that does not disappoint. Never promising to be more than it is, it succeeds in being more fun and funnier than one would expect. It's the kind of film where they take a break from the plot in order for the women to just pour water over each other. Many memorable scenes take place as a ridiculous but engaging plot unravels. I hope we can see more films like Bitch Slap over the next decade.

This is a stupid movie and it knows it! And that's why it works. It's over the top, ridiculous fun with a couple of classic lines and some memorable scenes. The special effects are designed to be noticed and WTFu**ed and it works really well especially the yo yo shuriken (classic) Also look out for the classic department logo and tagline 'Homeland security...we bomb them so you don't have to' sooo good.

Where the movie kind of fails is in it's sexuality, its grindy and sleazy but ultimately pointless. Any teenager looking to 'enjoy' that will be watching internet porn instead anyway. So either skip it or ramp it up.

Recognizing this was made in 2009, if it was made now I'm totally confident they would have worked a shark into the movie somehow and they would have gotten away with it!

Put your brain in the fridge and whoop it up :)

Once upon a time there were three very different women with three things in common: they are really hot, the wear revealing clothing, and they kick ass, especially on each other.

This is what Charlie's Angels dreamed of being if they had the guts.

Sure, it is just as crazy and ridiculous as the aforementioned film, but it is also hilarious and fascinating at the same time.

And, you know what, it just keeps getting crazier as it goes back in time and adds stories that make it impossible to remember just what was happening.

Could have used a little more nunsploitation with Lucy Lawless.