- Sally: What happened to Jonathan?
- Helena Shebritch: I've been all over it with Crystal. He left me for another woman.
- Sally: No!
- Helena Shebritch: A deceased one. They're always the stiffest competition... No pun intended.
- Sally: [to Roy bitterly after meeting Charmaine] That cheap tart is what he left my mother for? Actress, my foot! The only acting she's ever done is faking an orgasm.
- [first lines]
- Narrator: Shakespeare said, "Life was full of sound and fury, and in the end, signified nothing". Okay, let's begin with Helena...