User reviews

Okay, it is quite horrible. Yet, despite the overall harsh criticisms found on here, it is nothing at all near being one of the worst movies I have ever seen - in my lifetime, this year, or even this month. Bad? Yes indeedy! But God Awful? Not quite(though perhaps closer than I am letting on to). Steve Howey plays Stan Helsing who works at a video store. Halloween night is here and Stan meets up with two incredibly hot girls and his buddy Kenan Thompson(you figure out which one is unlikely to be in that quartet in reality). Thankfully Kenan is there, because he has a few of the few laughs that are in this film(the others belonging to octogenarian and living legend Leslie Nielsen dressed as a hideous barmaid). It seems Stan is destined to live up to his ancestry and slay monsters - what monsters you may ask? Well, ridiculously and inept looking ones NOT from classic horror but from modern "classics"(I shudder even putting THAT in parentheses!) We get Pleatherface with a leaf blower and a line when he no longer has it, "It looks like no one will get blown tonight." Stop your sides from aching now with laughter. We get Chucky looking like a guy with painted x's and o's on his face. A Pinhead double from Hellraiser. Anf let's no forget the Michael Myers, Jason, and Fweddy doubles as well. All of these look so stupid and like someone from a fifth grade art class got to work on their wardrobe and costumes. There are other horror references and a story that defies logic - and explanation here for lack of need. Really, Stan Helsing is like Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, and Date Movie. It has a few laughs but not enough to even keep this lame crap afloat long at all. The humor is mostly adolescent and sophomoric with at least four references to bathrooms and all that great humor that comes from noises and the other fertile comedic ground that is inherent in feces and urine. Does the movie have any saving graces? Well, Kenan Thompson and good ole Leslie Nielsen are good some of the time. There are a few jokes that land roughly but in place. Then there are the female cast members who for the most part are very, very pleasant to look at like the three gals playing vampire strippers and Diora Baird and Desi Lydic as the two female leads. Neither can really act though Lydic has comedic potential. Baird has some fine assets to keep abreast of nonetheless. If you are looking for clever or witty humor, you must look elsewhere. If you have an IQ near that of a quasi-literate teen - you might think it is totally rad or some such feeling. Phewwww!

Stan Helsing, a video clerk for a certain video chain store, is ready for a Halloween party with three of his closest friends. But before the party, he has been asked to deliver a bag full of movies to the store's manager, who lives in a gated community. What lies beyond the gate: karaoke, monsters and gay porn studios. This is going to be a long night.

Let me be blunt, when you tell me a film is coming from the same people, or the same sort of people who brought us "Scary Movie", "Date Movie", "Disaster Movie" and so on... I'm inclined to believe this is one more film that was a waste of time for the actors, a waste of money to make, and a waste of brain cells for anyone who watches it. Mysteriously, despite this bias, I enjoyed "Stan Helsing".

Sure, the humor is juvenile, revolving almost entirely around hookers, strippers, porn and the same gratuitous sex that we've come to expect since at least "American Pie" (you can say such humor dates back at least to "Porky's", but don't tell me that the new wave of it has any wit behind the smut). Somehow, with my mind turned off and my stomach full of Corby's brand whiskey, I found this film humorous and enjoyable from the first five minutes.

It has some disappointments. The monsters are such a minor part of the plot, sadly, and even Leslie Neilson has a role that isn't as funny as it should be. But such simple jokes as the porn title spoofs got me laughing ("Glad He Ate Her"? Classic) and I don't mind a few gorgeous women on my screen from time to time.

But as I say, if you're looking for a clever monster spoof, it's not here. The monsters sing a karaoke song, but their origins are not explained and they have maybe ten to fifteen minutes of screen time, contrary to what it would appear by the cover. But if you like dumb humor, like "Dude, Where's My Car?", this would be worth your time... especially with a friend and a bottle of Feckin Irish whiskey.

The IMDB Bottom 100 List consists of the one hundred worst rated major motion pictures of all time....and many of them are very similar parody films marketed to very dumb young people. They all feature extremely crude humor, bad writing and make your brain dumber as a result of watching them. "Disaster Movie, "Epic Movie", "Meet the Spartans", "Date Movie" and "The Starving Games" are just a few of these incredibly bad movies that made the list...as well as "Stan Helsing". However, after watching "Stan Helsing" I was surprised. I was a bad film....crude, stupid and generally unfunny...but NOT to the level of awfulness of these other films. In fact, I'd have a hard time putting this on a bottom 1000 list...let alone bottom 100. Unlike many of these films, there actually is a bit more plot and cohesion than the other movies. Not much...but more...though NOT enough that I'd recommend it to anyone I like!

The film is the story of four idiots who get lost on a Halloween night and end up stumbling into a cursed town of the dead. Various psychotic murders like Jason, Freddy Kruger and Pinhead wander through the place...looking to kill these four idiots. And, apparently, Stan is their only help...though he certainly doesn't realize he's the hero of the film.

Crude, stupid and annoying....but a few of the jokes actually made me smile and the film was only about 94% terrible!

I think these guys don't even try anymore to make not a funny one, but even watchable movie anymore....

There is no need of spoilers or taking even a deeper look at this ''movie''. There is no plot not script no acting, nothing really present that this would qualify this as an actual movie.

When i sat down to see this movie i knew about what i was going to see. A cheap laugh. But as i realized i noticed that a actually barely smiled during the movie. I spend most of my time looking at my watch wandering when the movie is going to end. Anyway...

One hint to the producers...

STOP MAKING THIS TRASH ANYMORE. I am not an American, but i would personally be very offended if this kind of movies are supposed to reflect the cultural level of young American people.

You can easily compare this to the greats like Date Movie and Disaster Movie and everything by Aaron Seltzer! Bo Zenga is another addition to the "well it sounded good when we threw it around the idea table" club. Of course how can you expect much when one of his last pictures was the comedic gem Soul Plane. If your one of those people who hate that someone close to you drinks too much get back at them by playing the drinking game to this movie. It's simple the rules are you drink every time something funny actually happens in the film. This film is guaranteed to leave you sober. However i can't guarantee you both won't drink yourself silly to try and forget the movie you just watched.

Bottom Line folks, i wasted an hour and a half of my life so you won't have to.

This is not a movie that you will find ANY enjoyment in and the lack of humor in a spoof shows that the director/producers/actors were just phoning it in to collect a paycheck. Personally, I was embarrassed for Keenan Thompson and Steve Howey. To take this job without reading the script was definitely a wrong move. And to honestly try to incorporate spoofs of horror movies that others have done better is a real crime. If you see this of your own desire, you can't blame anyone when you want to poke your eyes out afterward. If you want to see funny horror, try anything else but this. In fact, try the movies that this one tries to lampoon. But please, don't waste your time or energy on this. Be forewarned - see at your own peril!

Its rare that I actually despise a movie as much as this one. Now before you say I am coming down too hard on this movie...if you don't believe me just watch it. The movie starts out 'ok' like a decent rip off of Scary Movie; however, it quickly descends into a downward whirlpool of bad acting, poor direction and a plot that makes little sense.

Basically this movie is a spoof on horror movies. There were a few parts where I laughed- near the beginning, but after that it seems as though the film budget ran out of money or something because after the halfway point it completely looses direction. I kept expecting a story to develop or some kind of back history on 'Van Helsing' to appear. It didn't. The characters are poorly written...and even with the comedic assistance of Leslie Neilson it still flops hardcore.

Leslie Neilson must be really hard up for acting spots to have taken a spot in this stinker. My recommendation is that you don't watch this one....in fact don't even rent it. Its really that bad.

This is a good example of what happens when decent comic actors accept parts in a terrible movie vehicle. They probably need the work, so they do their best even if they can't hide that the movie stinks. For one, Kenan Thompson has a real comic flare, I only hope he gets better films to feature it in. And the other three leads showed comic potential too. I admit there were some genuinely funny moments that made me laugh, like the Karaoke scenes and some of the lines by the blond character (Desi Lydic). Unfortunately what comes between these few funny scenes, and makes up the majority of the film, was terrible. The over all film almost made me forget any of it had made me laugh. The bathroom humor, for instance, was just plain stupid.

And Leslie Neilson, what were you thinking doing this bomb? Hard to believe the same man who starred in classics like 'Forbidden Planet' has resorted to this for a pay check. He was funny in other comedy films, but why do this? My advice is to skip this one.

Nothing like Scary Movie at all. As spoofs go this movie doesn't do anything to make you laugh. And isn't that the point of a movie like this. There was a real potential in making this a fun movie. But somehow I guess that the director and producers couldn't be bothered. I can't blame the cast since they obviously try their best to make this work. But you can see the desperation in the main character's eyes when he has to do another pointless dialog. Shutting your mind of isn't an option either since there is no slapstick comedy to be enjoyed. Well there are some redeeming elements or maybe even the only reason to watch this. The two girls. One with very nice boobs (Diora Baird) and the other one extremely hot blonde (Desi Lydic). Sadly this just isn't enough to be tortured through the whole movie. (My advice skip to the sexy scenes with the girls and forget about everything else). Ignore previous comment and don't waste your time. Avoid this movie!

People have no clue what comedy is. This movie was never made to be a great blockbuster movie. Understand what you're watching before you watch it

I'm going to say I like it. Don"t get me wrong its a bad movie but it doesn't mean its not enjoyable. Its not to much like Meet the Spartans or date movie were they parody scenes from the movie they parody and make them stupid. They did do that with the monsters by making them look like morons and give them really dumb names but beside that they do have some funny scenes and dialog. And they do try to make the a bit like the people they are base off of. Like when they use their weakness is like what fans made fun of the real people they copied. To defeat Freddy get rid of his glove. Pinhead push the nails in. The mask think with Jason and Myers is not their weakness but it showed how similar they are and that Jason was a ripoff of Myers. Leatherface wait till his chainsaw runs out of gas. And Chucky he is a doll. If you missed that then you have no business making fun of this movie. And the other main characters I thought was a good casting choice and they were really funny. Finally they didn't a a truck load of over the top reality breaking jokes. They have those but its more down played. I'm just saying rethink this one.

This movie is very funny! Mia is hilarious as the ditsy blonde, and her lines will make you laugh a lot. It is exactly as it describes itself: a parody, and this is one of the better ones. I recommend this to anyone who likes parodies, if you don't laugh at this, then you are seriously lacking in the humor department. Four stars! I've watched this movie several times, and laugh at each viewing. It's not for those who are seeking intelligent humor, it's geared to those who just like cheap laughs. The girls are definitely hot, and Mia changes costumes several times, each one will make any guy's libido stand at attention. After watching this on cable I purchased the DVD, and look forward to laughing again and again. My compliments to the chef who cooked up this winner.

Wow, just got done watching this "parody" and it was so bad I feel like throwing up...not kidding! At first it grabs you, thinking it might be a funny spoof, like Scary Movie and the like, but if you can tolerate this thing till the end, you will see it is nothing of the sort. The acting is terrible. There is nothing funny at all, it just drags on and on and you'll find yourself begging for the end. Not even to see how it ends, just because of the sweet release of watching. I could never sit through this movie again. I can't express how bad it is, possibly the worst movie of all time. The 2 main female characters are pretty hot, and that's the ONLY good thing about the movie. I NEVER put posts on this website, but had to with this one, just because it is so bad. Avoid at all costs.

First off, I want to thank the writers and directors of this movie. Because of you, I want to become a screenwriter, because I know that no matter how terrible an idea I have for a movie, some idiot will fund it.

I went into this movie knowing next to nothing about it. My secret vise is awesomely bad movies, and I didn't want bad reviews to dissuade me from watching it, because I know awesomely bad movies are not for everyone. My God, if only I had read the reviews.

This movie was terrible. There was no plot, horrible acting, and the jokes were groan-worthy. Stan is a video clerk in the first 10 minutes of the movie, but that plot line drops as dead as the actors' careers, and turns into random wth moments. The other hour and twenty minutes are spent running away from a host of horror ripoffs and a franken puppy. Yeah, that's about it.

Thank God I didn't spend any money on it, it was on Encore. Don't watch this garbage. You'll regret it.

There are some comedies that just try too hard, and Stan Helsing falls into this category. Written and directed by Bo Zenga who has more producing credits and making his directorial debut, Stan Helsing stars a cast of relative unknowns hobbled together to forcefully create laugh-a-minute sequences that don't always hit their marks, but instead fall quite short in not being silly for silliness sake.

One thing's for sure though, is that Zenga dug deep to throw plenty of movie references from the horror genre into his comedy, especially when the villains turn out to be cheap knockoffs of their real cult counterparts, with Fweddy (Freddy from A Nightmare from Elm Street), Mason (Jason from Friday the 13th), Needlehead (Pinhead from Hellraiser), Pleatherface (Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Lucky (Chucky from Child's Play) and Michael Crier (Michael Myers from Halloween), and not including minor ones such as the Hitcher, and a giant cockroach. But ultimately there's nothing here to make this film anywhere near being horrific, except that the end product is quite horrific in itself.

On the other corner of the ring of good, we follow the adventures of a foursome consisting of the slacker Schlockbuster video clerk Stan Helsing (Steve Howey) whom everyone mistakes from Van Helsing the monster exterminator, who has been tasked to drop off some videos en route to his Halloween party with hottie ex-girlfriend Nadine (Diora Baird), his best friend Teddy (Kenan Thompson) and an exotic dancer cum massage therapist (interpret this as you will!) Mia (Desi Lydic), on a road trip filled with last minute detours leading from point to point and incident filled. The entire journey unravels with inexplicable coincidences relying on cliché after cliché to bring on some cheap laughs, which when proved inadequate there's always the odd toilet joke to stink bomb everything.

Dialogue is full of sexual double meanings, with Mia being the group idiot to fall for, or become the butt of the jokes. Nothing in the narrative ever makes much good sense other than to react or create a hilarious situation for our foursome to get into, and filmmakers perhaps need to stop and take stock of the comedy genre now that spoofing pop culture, or pop icons, are no longer a quick and easy way to surprise and satisfy an audience, and not when the impersonations was far from their mark.

Don't get me wrong that I've lost my funny bone, but this relatively cheap production didn't have much to laugh at. What's more painful is that it starred the late Leslie Nielsen in drag and makeup as a bar waitress, and seemed more like a desperate role meant for paying the bills. Filled with jokes with some being naughty while others nonsensical and silly, probably the scenes set within the video store bookending the film with patrons providing sight gags and trash talking became the main highlights.

Okay, I thought "Disaster Movie" and "Superhero Movie" were terrible. However, they did have several mild laughable moments throughout that somehow made it manageable to watch on TV.

This movie has no laughs. I think I smirked twice, and that was about it. It's a really disappointing movie. I didn't expect much of a plot or character development, I expected dumb, usually lacking laughs akin to those you would find in Scary Movie 3-4.

This movie honestly had none of it. I can't believe anyone could mock horror's greatest legends so poorly.

Honestly, please watch something better. Try "Airplane!" or its sequel, "Scary Movie" 1 and 2 -- anything but this.

Needles to say, needles to do... Do not waste any second of you life watching this... It is an CRAP... And I like crappy movies, but this, no no no no Needles to say, needles to do... Better watch some porn or stuff... Iti is totally mess. Should I say that made me go to WC twice, and not to leak. Why people do this, why they spend money, that is the question. And the lead actor is so dumb that is horror. Me leave. So nice to have u home son, ya mama, it is. Me glad, me go home so soon. Take me to see some stupid movie and you may put me down i say no no . This is wrong i am an actor an i made some good ads for milk, not so fancy but rather tasty and u see, that didn't change me at all. No mama

Quite silly, but not as bad as it is made out to be. Horror movies deserve to be parodied and this does that fairly well at times and has some really funny moments. A lot of it is also quite lame though.

Cast includes Leslie Nielsen in one of his last roles. Diora Baird ensures that the movie has your attention and that it is reasonably entertaining in the end.

There are a lot worse ways to spend 90 minutes.

While the reviews on here says it sucks, I actually thought it was pretty ok. I would at least give it a shot before taking these ' advice and skipping over. I do feel like the whole Scoobie Doo schtick was a bit overplayed though. And I still wish they had more on the vampire strippers lol.

Despite some of the other reviews, this film wasn't so bad. Of course it isn't a master piece, but that is never what it set out to be. I don't rate direction, camera angles, and soundtrack. I'm a normal guy who rates a film, Good or Bad.

This film was watchable, not extremely funny, but then again, not extremely terrible.

The jokes are laddish and sometimes silly, but that doesn't make it bad.

If you watch this movie and are just 'going along for the ride' and not going out to criticise, then you will take some enjoyment from this movie.

The plot.....isn't really there....but then again, that isn't the point of the film, it's to make you laugh, which it does in some areas.

Disengage the brain and enjoy. It's worth a watch if you like films like Scary Movie (although, in my view, it isn't as good as the Scary Movie films)

Stan Helsing: A Parody (R, 1:30) — Other: Comedy, bargain basement, formula

2 background facts:

(1) In Bram Stoker's classic novel Dracula, the intrepid Dutch adventurer who was the vampire count's nemesis was Abraham Van Helsing. ("Bram", incidentally, is a diminutive of "Abraham".)

(2) By vote of knowledgeable fans at the 2003 World Science Fiction Convention, the 3rd best SF film of the 20th Century was Forbidden Planet. It was released in 1956. It starred Leslie Nielsen as the heroic spaceship captain.

I have listed this film as a comedy, since that's what it purports to be. Certainly it's full of formulaic horror-movie stereotypes, which you would expect from a self-proclaimed parody. And I laffed out loud a couple of times, which means it can't sink to the absolute rock bottom of my ratingometer. That's about it for the singing of praises, tho.

The protagonist is the slacker video clerk Stan Helsing (family name simply Helsing, not Van Helsing), who keeps getting mistaken for his ancestor by people who are particularly well informed on this issue while otherwise showing a remarkable tendency to drown while gazing upward open-mouthed during a rainstorm.

Stan (Steve Howey) and 3 friends set out for a Halloween party. One of the group, Nadine (Diora Baird) is Stan's ex-girlfriend, she's pretty emphatic about the "ex" part, and we see in flashback why she feels that way, as Stan is one of the most insensitive lunkheads on the planet. This raises the question "Why the hell is Nadine going to a party with this schmuck?"

No attempt is made to answer that or explain the many other improbabilities. The viewer is left to infer that the various horror-movie creatures wandering around wreaking havoc are going unnoticed because everyone else thinks they're just costumed for Halloween.

Poor Nielsen plays Kay, an overworked waitress, in lipstick and drag. This was just painful to watch.

Among many random occurrences thrown into the plot in no particular order are gratuitous panty and boob shots; a monsters vs. heroes karaoke contest; Freddie, Jason, and a little kid in a hockey mask who gets seriously whacked in a case of mistaken identity; and a hard-to- miss giant cockroach that the lesbians in the next toilet stall nonetheless managed to miss.

Somebody evidently thot this would be funny. By "somebody" I don't mean me.