Greetings again from the darkness. Goodness, this review has been so difficult to write. Not because of anything wrong with how this documentary was made or filmed - in fact, from a technical standpoint, it is very well done. Rather it was due to my personal opinions and bias, which were what I had to fight against while watching.
Filmmaker Cecilia Aldarando makes the decision to relive her 1990's adolescence, and to film the proceedings. The tagline reads, "She's doing high school again", yet it's really more than that. This plays like a deep therapy project centered around her admission that she didn't fit in, and to this day remains scarred by memories of PE class, crushes on boys, school bullies, and prom night. Ms. Aldarando still carries the anxiety of not being admitted to the "in" group of girls from whom she so desperately wanted acceptance.
Timed to coordinate with her high school reunion at the Country Club in Winter Park, Florida, there is actually very little footage shown from the event. Instead, much of the time is spent on reenactments designed to recreate painful and vivid memories. Cecilia also meets face-to-face with her high school crush, Joel, who barely remembers her and had no idea that she was silently pining for him. She even reads him a poem from her 1994 journal, making the encounter that much more awkward.
Bad memories are a fact of life after high school, and most of us learn to live with these and move on. Cecilia Aldarando needs closure, and one of those horrific memories is recreated by selecting young actors to help re-live a night at camp where, Jo Anne, the one girl that was treated worse than her, was humiliated by the same group of girls Cecilia so wanted to be like. Making this segment more impactful is that she had tracked down the adult Jo Anne to provide input and observe. It's a tough scene for us to watch, and especially tough for Jo Anne.
Cecilia even includes her real-life partner, Gabe, as well as her older sister in reenactments, some of which work better than others. The Tori Amos video segment seemed to drag on longer than it should have, and the "My So Called Life" piece was a bit creepy. Cecilia's long ago best friend Caroline is discussed frequently, and it's clear that Cecilia views her own failures as a friend as a critical element in telling her story. This is likely the most revealing aspect of the process for the director.
"Hating" one's self during the teenage years is not uncommon. What we hope is uncommon is the need two decades later to address the misery of those years. Cecilia's sister asks the question that needs to be asked: why does she give the past so much power? The film was co-directed and edited by Sarah Enid Hagey, which was necessary due to Cecilia being on screen for most of the film. It is interesting to note the role movies played in childhood, and how so many of her crushes were directly from period pieces (aka unattainable). Home movies are included here as well, and Cecilia admits the desire and need to exorcise those adolescent demons. We are also left questioning the accuracy of those long-ago memories, which here are explained as bad memories containing specific details, while good memories are a montage of the times. Here's hoping most of us dwell on the montages.
Available on HBO beginning November 8, 2023, and streaming on Max soon after.
