- Gomez Addams: [to Cousin It] Tell that Billie Eilish she's a little too sunny for my taste. But I'm still a fan.
- Gomez Addams: Different is what the extra D in Addams stands for.
- Wednesday Addams: I thought it was dismemberment.
- Gomez Addams: [after a tree branch crashes through the window] Why does no one in this family use the front door?
- Wednesday Addams: So, Mr. Strange.
- Cyrus Strange: Please, call me Cyrus.
- Wednesday Addams: I'll stick with Mr. Strange.
- Wednesday Addams: When I tested your hair for the DNA test, it said conclusively that you were not my father.
- Gomez Addams: [laughs] Oh that's simple. I had a teeny tiny accident with a napalm bomb a few years ago,
- [blows his thumb and makes his hair fly off his head]
- Gomez Addams: I had to replace it with genuine Sasquatch fur.
- Morticia Addams: I don't think Wednesday believed us, Gomez.
- Gomez Addams: I am sure she would say something if she didn't, that's one thing you can always count on Wednesday for, total honesty. She always tells me when I'm not wanted, or hovering, or uncool.
- Wednesday Addams: [talking to Cousin Itt] A rebellious phase?
- [Itt responds]
- Wednesday Addams: You shaved off *all* your hair?
- Gomez Addams: I love it when your murderous maternal instincts kick in, Tish. We're back in the parenting business!
- Uncle Fester: [after scaring everyone out of the water by dressing as a shark] See? That's how you attract attention.
- Wednesday Addams: It will be torture, and not the fun kind like sticking leeches in Pugsley's briefs.