Al: [reads a book title] Thirty Seconds To Martial Arts Mastery. This sounds cool.
[reads]
Al: To begin your martial arts training, look behind you.
[looks]
Kuni: [Kung Fu yell] Hello, little Sensei. My name is Kuni. I'll be your judo instructor for the next thirty seconds.
Al: Oh, okay. Well, what do I...?
Kuni: No questions! We are on a very serious schedule here. Now, the martial arts I am to teach you are only to be used for defense, not for attack. Let's begin. Attack me.
Al: [pause] But you just said that...
Kuni: I know what I said - attack me!
Al: Okay...
[Al charges at Kuni, but Kuni flips Al across the room]
Al: Well, that was kind of painful.
Kuni: What did you expect? You attacked me.
Al: But you told me to!
Kuni: Ah. With pain comes wisdom, little wood tick.
[He flips Al again]
Al: Ow! Hey! That wasn't for defense!
Kuni: Ah, but it was. You are my opponent, and as my opponent, I correctly assumed that at some time, you would attack me. Therefore, I can anticipate the need for defense.
Al: [pause] I don't think I want to take judo from you.
Kuni: But your training has just begun, little dung beetle.
[His watch beeps]
Kuni: Oops, sorry, time is up. Course is over.
Al: What? I didn't learn very much.
Kuni: That is right, little cockroach. It takes time to master any skill. You did not learn because you did not study. YOU'RE SO STUPID! Bye-bye.
[Exits]
