Quotes
Tim Conway, Cher, Lorne Greene, Sheldon Leonard, Tiny Tim, Flip Wilson
Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In
- Cher: Actually, there have been a lot of successful show business marriages: Eddie Fisher/Debby Reynolds, Eddie Fisher/Liz Taylor, Eddie Fisher/Connie Stevens.
- Tim Conway: Well, if your heart belongs to me, how come the rest of you goes out with so many other guys?
- Judy Carne: It wasn't until I met Heathcliff that I realized why they called England the mother country.
- Goldie Hawn: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men had omelets!
- Tim Conway: Y'know, my wife just doesn't understand me.
- Eileen: Oh, you married men are all the same.
- Tim Conway: No, I mean it. She doesn't understand me. She's Swahili.
- Cher: Sonny and I are perfectly compatible. As soon as there's a problem, my psychiatrist contacts his psychiatrist and they work it out.
- Dick Martin: Curators of the London Art Museum announced today that they are still awaiting further developments of the long overdue bust of Twiggy.
- Dick Martin: Take it away, Dan Rowan, our man in the past.
- Dan Rowan: Well, it's been a few years, John Smith, since they had your head on the chopping block. How 'ya been getting along?
- John Smith: Real fine, Dan, real fine, here at the reservation, you know. As a matter of fact, the Indians even have a little name for me now.
- Dan Rowan: Oh really?
- John Smith: Yeah, they call me 'Running Chicken'.
- Dan Rowan: [laughs] When did you get that name?
- John Smith: Oh, right after they put my head on that chopping block.
- [drowned out by laughter]
- John Smith: I split.
- Dan Rowan: And Pocahontas?
- John Smith: Yes, I do.
- Dan Rowan: You're saving money in a mattress?
- Dick Martin: Sure, got 17.000 dollars in my mattress.
- Dan Rowan: No kidding. Hey, well, I imagine you sleep a little better at night, knowing you have all that money there, huh?
- Dick Martin: Well not really, it's all in coins.
- Goldie Hawn: [her first lines on the series] And now, it's time for the Rowan & Martin report, when each week, Laugh-In looks at the news, past, present, and future. Now with the news of today, here's Richard Martin!
- Jo Anne: Boris and I have the most violent political arguments. He thinks the Democrats can do no wrong, and, of course, I'm for Johnson.
- Henry Gibson: Do you know there's a small hotel in downtown Burbank?
- Cher: No, but if they hum a few bars, I can fake it.