Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Kieran Culkin: Wallace Wells

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wallace Wells : Hey Jimmy do they rock or suck?

  Jimmy : They have not started playing yet...

  Wallace Wells : That was a test Jimmy, and you passed.

• Wallace Wells : If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott. Break out the L-word.

  Scott Pilgrim : Lesbian?

  Wallace Wells : The other L-word.

  Scott Pilgrim : ...Lesbians?

• Crash : This song is called "I Am So Sad. I Am So Very Very Sad." It goes like this.

  Crash : [the song last only a couple of seconds]  Thank you.

  Wallace Wells : [yelling out]  It's not a race, guys!

  Crash : [annoyed]  Ok this next song goes out to the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony. It's called "We Hate You, Please Die."

  Wallace Wells : Sweet!

  [to Jimmy] 

  Wallace Wells : I love this song!

• Scott Pilgrim : Amazon.ca! What's the website for that?

  Wallace Wells : Amazon.ca

• Scott Pilgrim : Wait! We're fighting over Ramona?

  Matthew Patel : Didn't you get my email explaining the situation?

  Scott Pilgrim : I skimmed it.

  Wallace Wells : [shaking head]  Mm-mm.

  Matthew Patel : You will pay for your insolence!

• Wallace Wells : [to Scott]  Everything does suck.

  [phone rings] 

  Wallace Wells : Or does it?

  [picks up the phone] 

  Wallace Wells : Hello? Oh, hey Knives. What's that? You're outside?

  [Scott stands up quickly] 

  Knives Chau : [Knives knocks on the front door] 

  [Wallis opens the door] 

  Knives Chau : Is Scott here?

  Wallace Wells : Uh, you know what?

  [Scott dives through a window behind Wallis] 

  Wallace Wells : He just left.

  Knives Chau : Really?

  Wallace Wells : Yeah.

  [Scott reaches through the window and grabs his jacket] 

  Wallace Wells : Sorry.

  [Scott runs away behind Knives] 

• Computer : You've got mail.

  Scott Pilgrim : [Turns To Wallace]  Dude, this thing claims I have mail.

  Wallace Wells : [groggily]  It's amazing what we can do with computers these days.

  Scott Pilgrim : [Turns back]  Dude, now I'm totally reading it.

  Wallace Wells : [sarcastic]  I'm so happy for you.

• Stacey Pilgrim : 17-year-old? Scandal.

  Scott Pilgrim : Who told you.

  Stacey Pilgrim : Wallace, duh.

  Scott Pilgrim : That gossipy bitch.

  Wallace Wells : [on the phone listening]  You know me.

• Wallace Wells : I want to have his adopted babies.

• Lucas Lee : [before doing a grind on his skateboard]  Somebody bring me my board!

  [Wallace taps Lucas on his shoulder holding his skateboard] 

  Wallace Wells : Hi, big fan.

  Lucas Lee : [cracking his neck]  Why wouldn't you be?

• Wallace Wells : Guess who's drunk!

  Scott Pilgrim : I guess Wallace.

  Wallace Wells : You guess right!

• Scott Pilgrim : You know what really sucks?

  [Spells out "sux" with refrigerator magnets] 

  Wallace Wells : What?

  Scott Pilgrim : [Rotates a magnet numeral 8 on its side, the mathematical symbol for infinity]  Everything...

• Crash : Good evening. My name is Crash, and these are the Boys.

  Wallace Wells : [yelling out]  Is that girl a boy too?

  Crash : Yes!

  [girl drummer flips him off] 

• Wallace Wells : You doing okay there?

  Scott Pilgrim : Yeah, good, good, good. She changed her hair.

  Wallace Wells : So, it looks nice blue!

  Scott Pilgrim : Yeah I know, but she did it without making a big deal out of it or anything... She's fickle, impulsive, spontaneous... God what am I going to do?

• Wallace Wells : Hey, what's up with his outfit?

  Guy in Crowd : Yeah, is he a pirate?

  Scott Pilgrim : Are you a pirate?

  Matthew Patel : Pirates are in this year!

• Knives Chau : Is Scott here?

  Wallace Wells : Uh, you know what...

  [Scott jumps through the window] 

  Wallace Wells : He just left.

  Knives Chau : Really?

  [Scott reaches back in and grabs his jacket] 

  Wallace Wells : Yeah... sorry.

  [Scott runs away behind Knives] 

• Wallace Wells : Look, I didn't write the gay handbook. If you got a problem with it, take it up with Liberace's ghost.

• Scott Pilgrim : Oh God!

  Wallace Wells : What is it, Scott?

  Scott Pilgrim : I had this totally weird dream...

  Other Scott : Oh God!

  Wallace Wells : What is it, Other Scott?

  Other Scott : Can we skip the dream time? Color me not interested.

  Scott Pilgrim : But there was this girl...

  Wallace Wells : Girl...

  Other Scott : Is this an envy-related dream again?

  Wallace Wells : You don't use the "e" word in this house.

• Wallace Wells : Scott, you know I love you. But I need my own bed tonight. It's for sex.

  Scott Pilgrim : Right.

  Wallace Wells : I may need it for the rest of the week too... and the year.

  Scott Pilgrim : Right, I get it.

  Wallace Wells : Hey, maybe you can move in with Ramona.

  Scott Pilgrim : [pause as Scott shakes his head]  She's with Gideon now.

  Wallace Wells : Ah, that sucks, but you know it's probably just because he's better than you.

• Wallace Wells : Kick her in the balls!

• [phone rings; Some Guy picks it up offscreen] 

  Some Guy : [whispering]  It's for Scott.

  Wallace Wells : [takes the phone from Some Guy and passes it to Scott]  It's for you, big guy.

  Scott Pilgrim : [takes the phone]  Hello?

  Gideon Gordon Graves : Hey, pal! I just wanna say I feel terrible about earlier. I don't want any hard feelings, so I figured, why not be the bigger man, and just give you a call.

  Scott Pilgrim : Is Ramona with you?

  Gideon Gordon Graves : I dunno...

  [to a brainwashed Ramona] 

  Gideon Gordon Graves : Are you with me?

  Ramona V. Flowers : [deadpan]  Yeah.

  [Scott screams in agony on phone] 

  Gideon Gordon Graves : Geez, buddy, it's gonna be all right!

  Scott Pilgrim : No, I just spilled hot cocoa on my crotch!

  Gideon Gordon Graves : Mm-hmm... Listen, as you know, I'm opening a new Chaos Theatre in Toronto, and the Sex Bobs are playing our grand opening tonight, and it would feel really weird for all of us if you weren't there. They just did a soundtrack, and the acoustics here are *amazing*!

  Scott Pilgrim : [looking intense]  Yeah, maybe I'll see you there.

  Gideon Gordon Graves : I hope so amigo. I don't want any more bad blood between exes. What do you say?

  Scott Pilgrim : Mm-hmm

  Gideon Gordon Graves : OK, laytaz'!

  [hangs up] 

  Wallace Wells : What a perfect asshole.

  [Scott notices that Wallace was listening in on another phone] 

  Wallace Wells : Forget what I said earlier.

  [hangs up phone] 

  Wallace Wells : Finish him.

  [Scott dramatically gears up, and runs off to the Chaos Theatre for the "final level" as Wallace and Some Guy watch from inside] 

• Wallace Wells : Okay, presumeably, you may have just seen a dude's junk, and I'm very sorry for that... so is he.

• Wallace Wells : What a perfect asshole.

• Wallace Wells : I didn't write the gay rule book... take it up with Liberace's ghost.

• Wallace Wells : Ask them what it's like to get his sloppy seconds!

• Wallace Wells : [to Knives]  You're too good for him. RUN.

• Scott Pilgrim : They make movies in Canada now?

  Wallace Wells : Yes, Scott.

• Wallace Wells : I hate you. Even I would think twice about dating a 17-year-old.

  Scott Pilgrim : Well, she's only allowed out when the sun is up, so I wouldn't call it dating. It's more like...

  Wallace Wells : Playtime?

• Wallace Wells : Hey, buddy, look, if she really is the girl of your dreams, then you have to let her know. You have to overcome any and all obstacles that lie in your path. You can do it. Be with her! It's your destiny! Plus, I need you to move out.

  Scott Pilgrim : What?

  Wallace Wells : Yeah. I'm kind of banking on her calling you back so I don't have to evict you and feel all guilty and shit.

• Wallace Wells : Scott, just because Envy's back in town doesn't make it not over.

  Scott Pilgrim : Double negative. It's tricky.

  Other Scott : It's over. Move on.

• Wallace Wells : Well, if you strike out in the next hour, come find me at the Castle.

  Scott Pilgrim : If I strike out?

  Wallace Wells : Okay, when. See you in 60.