The Departed (2006)

Jack Nicholson: Costello

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Quotes 

• Frank Costello : Who let this IRA motherfucker in my bar?

  [the man looks startled] 

  Frank Costello : [laughs]  Just kidding. How's your mother?

  Man in Costello's Bar : Oh, she's on her way out.

  Frank Costello : [walks away]  We all are. Act accordingly.

  [smiles and his straightens tie] 

• [narrating first lines] 

  Frank Costello : I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. Years ago we had the church. That was only a way of saying - we had each other. The Knights of Columbus were real head-breakers; true guineas. They took over their piece of the city. Twenty years after an Irishman couldn't get a fucking job, we had the presidency. May he rest in peace. That's what the niggers don't realize. If I got one thing against the black chappies, it's this - no one gives it to you. You have to take it.

• [upon learning the Police have found Delahunt's body and that he was a cop in Costello's bar] 

  Fitzy : I don't believe it.

  Mr. French : What can't you believe?

  Fitzy : I spent all fucking night dragging the poor bastard in there. Tell me how they find him so fast? Somebody walking a fucking dog ? What fucking size a dog is that? Has to be a big fucking dog, man. I spent all night doing it man.

  [pause, Frank stares at him] 

  Fitzy : I'm embarrassed. I still don't believe he was a cop, I don't believe it.

  Frank Costello : The COPS... are saying he's a cop... so I won't look for the cop. Are you soft, Fitz? When I tell you... to dump a body in the marsh, you dump him *IN* the marsh. Not where some guy from John Hancock goes every Thursday, TO GET A FUCKING BLOWJOB!

  [Fitzy laughs, Frank hits him with his cap] 

  Frank Costello : Don't laugh! This ain't Reality TV!

• Frank Costello : [to Colin]  One of us had to die. With me, it tends to be the other guy.

• Frank Costello : Have a seat, Bill.

  [Costigan sits down at Costello's dinner table] 

  Frank Costello : [while eating crab]  Do you know John Lennon?

  Billy Costigan : Yeah, sure, he was the president before Lincoln.

  Frank Costello : Lennon said, "I'm an artist. You give me a fucking tuba, I'll get you something out of it."

  Billy Costigan : [sarcastically]  Well I tell you Mr. Costello, I'd like to squeeze some fucking money out of it.

  Frank Costello : Smart mouth. Too bad. If you'll indulge me...

  [sees Gwen leaving] 

  Frank Costello : Now what?

  Gwen : Choir practice.

  Frank Costello : [annoyed]  Choir practice.

  [Costello pulls out a severed human hand] 

  Frank Costello : The point I'm making with John Lennon is - a man could look at anything, and make something out of it. For instance, I look at you and I think "what could I use you for?"

• Frank Costello : I got this rat, this gnawing, cheese eating fuckin' rat and it brings up questions... You know, see, Bill, like you're the new guy. Girlfriend... Why don't you stay in the bar that night I got your numbers. Social Security numbers. Everybody's fuckin' numbers.

  Billy Costigan : Is there something that you just wanna go ahead and ask me? 'Cause I'll give you the fuckin' answer, all right? Frank, look at me. Look at me. I'm not the fuckin' rat. Okay? I'm not the fuckin' rat.

• Billy Costigan : [to Frank Costello in Frank's bar]  You accuse me once, I put up with it. You accuse me twice... I quit. You pressure me to fear for my life and I will put a fucking bullet in your head as if you were anybody else. Okay?

  [Frank drops something. He reaches under the table and pulls up a gun. He looks at it as if he's never seen it before and then points it at Billy] 

  Frank Costello : You got something you wanna... ask me?

• Frank Costello : When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?

• Billy Costigan : [in Costello's bar]  Frank, how many of these guys have been with you long enough to be disgruntled, huh? Think about it. You don't pay much, you know. It's almost a fuckin' feudal enterprise. The question is, and this is the only question, who thinks that they can do what you do better than you?

  Frank Costello : The only one that can do what I do is me. Lot of people had to die for me to be me. You wanna be me?

  Billy Costigan : I probably could be you, yeah. Yeah, I know that much. But I don't wanna be you, Frank. I don't wanna be you

  Frank Costello : Heavy lies the crown... sort of thing.

• Frank Costello : [talking about Costigan]  Do you trust him?

  Mr. French : Well these days, who's reliable?

  Frank Costello : His uncle Jackie was. Yeah, you can't trust a guy acts like he's got nothing to lose.

  Mr. French : I'm reliable.

  Frank Costello : Arnold, you're one in a million.

  Mr. French : Ten. Ten million.

  Frank Costello : What about your wife, Arnold?

  Mr. French : Well, I thought she was.

  Frank Costello : [laughing]  She wasn't!

  Mr. French : Well, she got reliable.

  [flashback showing French strangling his wife] 

• Frank Costello : I'm concerned about a Chinaman who thinks it's wise to come to a business transaction with automatic weapons.

  [to the Chinese translator] 

  Frank Costello : For his own good, tell Bruce Lee and the Karate Kids none of us are carrying automatic weapons. Because here - in this country... it don't add inches to your dick. You get a life sentence for it.

• Frank Costello : What we generally do - in this country... is one guy brings the items and the other guy pays him. No tickee, no laundry!

• Frank Costello : [after talking on the phone with Colin]  Sweetheart, you're giving me a hard-on.

  Gwen : Are you sure it's me? Not all that talk about whiffing and crawling up asses?

  Frank Costello : Watch your fuckin' mouth!

  Gwen : No, you watch it. Let me straighten you out.

• Frank Costello : [in a restaurant]  You know, if your father were alive, and saw you here sitting with me, let's say he would have a word with me about this. In fact, he'd kill seven guys just to cut my throat, and he could do it. That's maybe something you don't know about William Costigan, Sr.

  Billy Costigan : [asking if his father never murdered anyone]  So he never? I mean, never?

  Frank Costello : No. He kept his own counsel. He never wanted money. You can't do anything with a man like that. You're Uncle Jackie - he also would kill my entire fucking family if he saw me here with you. And I think about this.

  Billy Costigan : [confused]  So what the fuck are we talking about here?

  Frank Costello : Did you ever think about going back to school?

  Billy Costigan : School?

  [laughs] 

  Billy Costigan : All due respect Mr. Costello, school is out.

  Frank Costello : Maybe someday you'll wake the fuck up.

• Colin Sullivan : [standing in front of him]  You're an FBI informant? Are you fucking kidding me?

  Frank Costello : [sitting on the blade of a bulldozer]  Grow up!

  [laughing] 

  Frank Costello : Of course I talked to the FBI.

  Colin Sullivan : Do they know who I am?

  Frank Costello : I... I never gave up anybody... who wasn't going down anyway. Nobody knows nothin'.

  Colin Sullivan : Frank... Frank. Do they know about me?

  Frank Costello : I know about you, Colin. You know I'd never give you up. You're like a...

  Colin Sullivan : What, like a son? To you? Is that what this is about? All that murderin'... and fuckin'... and no sons?

  [They shoot at each other] 

• Frank Costello : [during a flashback]  Jeez. She fell funny.

  [chuckles at the dead bodies] 

  Mr. French : Francis, you really should see somebody.

• Mr. French : In the future, I tell ya to do a thing, you fucking do it, you got that?

  Billy Costigan : I got it, okay?

  Frank Costello : [sneaks up behind Costigan, snifffing]  Excuse me, uh, French, I forgot my...

  Mr. French : Okay, Francis.

  Frank Costello : ...cigarette.

  [puffs, slaps Costigan's shoulder] 

  Frank Costello : Eat something.

• Frank Costello : [slams a fly on the table]  You know what I like about restaurants?

  Billy Costigan : The fucking food. I don't know, what?

  Frank Costello : You can learn a lot, watching things eat.

  [licks fly off palm] 

• Frank Costello : [after talking to Madolyn on the phone]  Was that that shrink cunt that answered the phone?

  Colin Sullivan : Remember I told you that we were gonna... she was gonna move in?

  Frank Costello : Yeah.

  Colin Sullivan : She moved in.

  Frank Costello : You better get organized, quick.

  Colin Sullivan : Hey, last time I checked, I tipped you off and you're not in jail.

  Frank Costello : Are you listening to me?

  Colin Sullivan : Yeah.

  Frank Costello : Do you like Little Miss Thing suckin' on your cock?

  Colin Sullivan : [looks at Madolyn]  Yes. Yes, I do.

  Frank Costello : So earn it. I'm getting the feeling we got a cop in my crew.

  Colin Sullivan : Yeah, I know. I'm kinda getting that feeling too.

  Frank Costello : He's one of yours. Inside. Have you seen anything?

  Colin Sullivan : Frank, I got no access to Queenan's undercover files. He and Dignam run the snitches. I'm doing my best...

  Frank Costello : Your best? What do you think we're in, the fuckin' haberdashery business?

  Colin Sullivan : Look, Frank, if you don't relax, if you don't relax, I can't relax. All right? Now what I need you to do is you get me information on the people who were with you last night. Your crew. Get me Social Security numbers, get me...

• Frank Costello : Get you? Give you? Who the fuck do you work for? What?

  Colin Sullivan : All right, all right. Frank, Frank, Frank, I'm sorry, Frank. If you could, please. What I need are SS numbers, DOBs, just all the pedigree information so I can run it on my end and we can ID the prick. If you can just get me that information, what I can do is I can just - I - I - we're gonna handle it. I - I - I can handle it.

  Frank Costello : Colin, calm down, or you'll shoot in your pants.

  Frank Costello : I'll get you the records and what not. But listen to me, son. Don't disappoint me on this or some other guy will be putting their fat cock up little Miss Freud's ass.

  Frank Costello : [hangs up] 

• Frank Costello : Arm.

  Billy Costigan : Arm? What fuckin' arm?

  Mr. French : [French pulls Costigan to a pool table]  Show me your arm. Flip it. mmhmmm, mmhmmm...

  [French slams Costigan's arm on the table until the cast breaks, while Costigan screams in pain] 

  Frank Costello : It makes me curious to see you in this neighborhood. And if I can slander my own environment, it makes me sad. This, uh, regression. Plus, I don't know if it's beyond some fucking cop prick like Queenan to pull you out of the Staties and send you gift-wrapped to me. I just can't know. I wonder what they do in that particular department, anyway.

  [Costello slams on Costigan's broken arm with Costigan's boot] 

  Frank Costello : [yelling]  Are you still a cop?

  Billy Costigan : [in severe pain]  No!

  [Costello whacks his arm again] 

  Frank Costello : [yelling]  Swear on your mother's grave you're still not a cop?

  Billy Costigan : [painfully]  I'm not a fucking cop!

  [Costello whacks his arm again, this time re-breaking it] 

  Frank Costello : [yelling]  Are you going to stop doing coke deals with your jerk-off fucking cousin?

  Billy Costigan : [weakly]  Yes, yes, yes!

  Frank Costello : Alright, alright. You're okay, you'll be alright. Get your hand taken care of.

  [Costello throws down some money] 

  Frank Costello : I'm sorry, but it was necessary. As for our problem with Providence - let's not cry over some spilled guineas.

• Dignam : I can't wait to wipe that fucking smirk right off of your face.

  Frank Costello : Wouldn't you rather wipe my ass for me?

• Frank Costello : You want some coke? There it is. Don't move till you're numb.

• Frank Costello : [Answers cell phone]  What?

  Colin Sullivan : Yeah, you got a tail. Two cars, not very subtle. They're not gonna be very subtle from now on. That's what I've been trying to tell you.

  Frank Costello : So get rid of 'em.

  Colin Sullivan : There's no need to go yourself, Frank.

  Frank Costello : GET RID OF THE FUCKING TAIL!

  Colin Sullivan : [after brief pause]  All right.

  [Hangs up] 

• Frank Costello : Church wants you on your place. Kneel, stand, kneel, stand. If you go for that sort of thing, I don't know what to do for you. A man makes his own way. No one gives it to you. You have to take it. "Non serviam."

  Young Colin : James Joyce.

  Frank Costello : Smart, Colin. Guineas from the north and down Providence try to tell me what to do. And, uh, something maybe happen to them. Maybe, uh, like that.

  [cuts to Costello executing two people on beach] 

• Billy Costigan : [in Costello's bar]  You're seventy fucking years old. One of these guys is going to pop you. As for running drugs, what the fuck. You don't need the pain in the ass, and they're going to catch you. And you don't need the money.

  Frank Costello : I haven't "needed the money" since I took Archie's milk money in the third grade. Tell you the truth, I don't need pussy any more either... but I like it.

• Frank Costello : You do well in school?

  Young Colin : Yeah

  Frank Costello : Good. So did I. They call that a paradox.

• [Costello meets with Sullivan in a porno theater, posing as a movie-watcher and suprising him with a black dildo] 

  Colin Sullivan : Frank? What the fuck is wrong with you?

  Frank Costello : [laughing]  See anything you like, Colin?

  Colin Sullivan : I almost fucking shot you!

  Frank Costello : You're not indulging in self-abuse, are you? I hope you're not turning into one of them sob sisters who wants to get caught. You're not cracking up, are you?

  Colin Sullivan : I don't crack up.

  Frank Costello : Picking a place like this, where any cop can see you. Jesus.

  Colin Sullivan : If it was such a fucking bad idea, why'd you show up?

  Frank Costello : [turning to face Sullivan]  I own the place.

  Colin Sullivan : [laughs]  Why am I not fucking surprised? Look, I gotta tell you...

  Frank Costello : You're getting re-assigned. I know.

  Colin Sullivan : How the fuck do you know that?

  Frank Costello : Where'd they put you?

  Colin Sullivan : Hey Frank, I gotta find myself.

  Frank Costello : You're telling me, sonny boy.

  Colin Sullivan : I gotta find the guy you got in the department.

  Frank Costello : With everybody looking up their own ass, and you looking for yourself, I'd put my money on nobody finds nothing.

  Colin Sullivan : I know, but Frank - look, for me, you gotta lay low. Right now.

  Frank Costello : Colin, laying low is not what I do.

  Colin Sullivan : Okay, fucking big daddy Frank. Fucking perfect. But what good am I to you if you don't listen to me?

• Frank Costello : [in a restaurant]  Good day, father.

  Older Priest : Good day, Francis.

  Frank Costello : You recall our chat? Little boys. Sucking on their peckers, etc... and so forth. I am as God made me. Is that your rationale? May I remind you - in this archdiocese, God don't run the bingo.

  Young Priest : May I remind you - that pride comes before the fall.

  Frank Costello : How's Sister Mary Teresa doing? Had a tasty relationship before she took her vows.

  [Costello hands the priests a nude drawing of the nun] 

  Frank Costello : Enjoy your clams, cocksuckers.

• Frank Costello : Now whenever you make a call ask for Mikey, MIKEY!... huh... you ask for a Mikey 'cause there is no Mikey.

• Frank Costello : [to Carmen]  Just keep it. Buy yourself some makeup.

• Colin Sullivan : [Colin and Barrigan stand at Mrs. Kennefick's door trying to question her about her son's murder]  Now Mrs. Kennefick, I knew your son. I knew Miles. Now he was a little younger than me but he was behind me in school. I wanna get these people who did this to him. Would you like to help us? You wanna help us catch the people who forced your son to do a robbery and then killed him?

  Mrs. Kennefick : Allegedly.

  Colin Sullivan : ..."Allegedly".

  Mrs. Kennefick : If he was killed, he probably did something wrong.

  Colin Sullivan : [sarcastically]  But not the robbery. That's not wrong. He do something else wrong?

  Frank Costello : [Mrs. Kennefick then sees a car pulling up with French driving and Frank and Gwen sitting in the backseat looking at her; Frank says to Gwen]  Wave to your girlfriend, honey.

  [Gwen waves] 

  Mrs. Kennefick : [suddenly terrified, turns to Sullivan angrily]  I mean, fuck yourself!

  [slams the door on them] 

  Colin Sullivan : Did you get that?

  Barrigan : "Allegedly" or "fuck yourself"?

  Colin Sullivan : Welcome to the neighborhood.

• Frank Costello : I'm going to have my associate search you.

  Billy Costigan : No, no one's fucking searching me. Searching me for what?

  Frank Costello : Contra-fucking-band. Take your shoes off.

  [French slams Costigan into a chair] 

  Mr. French : Shoes.

  Frank Costello : [to Costigan]  I knew your father.

  Billy Costigan : Yeah? You know he's dead?

  Frank Costello : Oh, sorry. How'd he go?

  Billy Costigan : He didn't complain.

  Frank Costello : Yeah, that was his problem.

  Billy Costigan : Who said he had a problem?

  Frank Costello : I just said he had a fucking problem. There's a man who could have been anything.

  Billy Costigan : Are you trying to say he was nothing?

  [French slams Costigan onto a pool table and continues his search] 

  Frank Costello : I'm saying he worked at the airport.

• Colin Sullivan : I can get the rat. You just gotta let me do it my way, Frank.

  Frank Costello : Okay.

  [hands Sullivan "Citizens Trust" envelope] 

  Frank Costello : But Colin - I hope I don't have to remind you that if you don't find that cheese-eating rat bastard in your department, most likely it won't be me who suffers for it.

  Colin Sullivan : Now why would you have to remind me of that? Would I be any good at what I do if I didn't fucking already know that? Frank, you gotta trust me. Alright, just trust me Frank. Hey, it fucking involves lying and I'm pretty fucking good at that. Right?

  Frank Costello : Maybe because it's always been so easy for me to get cunt, that I never understood jacking off in a theater.

• Frank Costello : If these chinks wanna nuke Taiwan anytime in this century, they better shape up and show me $1 million dollars! What we generally do - in this country - is one guy brings the items, and the other guy pays him. "No tickee, no laundry"!

• Frank Costello : Carmen's developing into a fine young lady. You should be proud. You get your period yet, Carmen?

• Frank Costello : There is no need to remind you that if you don't find that cheese eating rat bastard in your department... it won't be me who suffers for it.

  Colin Sullivan : What I be any good at my job if I didn't fucking already know that?

  Frank Costello : Just get him and smoke him the fuck out.

  Colin Sullivan : I'll get the rat... you just gotta let me do it my way, Frank.

• Mr. French : [quietly, in Costello's ear]  Francis, we're ready for the sushi bar.

  Frank Costello : [covered in blood up to his elbows, shouts]  Jimmy, bring a mop. And a pail!

• Frank Costello : [over the phone]  What the fuck is it with and your phone? Uh?

  Colin Sullivan : You know.

• Frank Costello : [in a car]  Fucking rats. It's wearing me thin.

  Mr. French : [while driving]  Francis, it's a nation of fucking rats.

• Frank Costello : Excuse me. I got a date with some angels.

• Oliver Queenan : I'm gonna get you.

  Frank Costello : If you coulda, you woulda.

• Gwen : Is Your Highness gonna drop me off at confession before work, or fuck me, or what?

  Frank Costello : What have you got to confess to that anointed pederast?

• Frank Costello : Don't get your balls in an uproar, Collie. That Irish piss ant he's so hot for me, we give him a whiff of my ass, he'll crawl right in it. Let's give him a whiff.

• Frank Costello : Ex-wife. Old girlfriend. Or, stupid. That is what brings you down in this business.

  Billy Costigan : Stupid, huh? Well, I guess that leaves me out.

• Frank Costello : Get in the car. I wanna show you something.

  Gwen : What's got you all hot and bothered?

  Frank Costello : Get in the car. You'll see.

• Billy Costigan : I don't know if he's a bookie or what the fuck.

  Frank Costello : Well, you do know what a bookie does, don't you?

  Billy Costigan : Yeah. Yeah, he pays you.

• Frank Costello : I smell a rat. Jesus Christ. You got a girlfriend?

• Frank Costello : You can't trust a guy who acts like he has nothing to lose.