- Bam Margera: What country are we in?
- Bam's Uncle: Switzer-Land Bam.
- Bam Margera: And what are ya wearing?
- Bam's Uncle: The Liederhosen you gave me.
- Bam Margera: Where are you going?
- Bam's Mom: Paris. I've been telling you guys for three weeks! We're going for our anniversary
- Bam's Crew: I wasn't listening
- Bam Margera: Neither was I
- Bam's Uncle: I wanna get leaning leaning tower of pizza and I'll be happy
- Bam Margera: The Leaning Tower of what?
- Bam's Uncle: Pizza
- Bam Margera: Spell It
- Bam's Uncle: P-I-Z-Z-A. Pizza. It's like a spelling bee you know. Pizza.
- Bam Margera: Vito the whole world is laughing at you right now
- Bam's Uncle: No they're not Bam. That's how you spell pizza. P-I-Z-Z-A.
- Bam Margera: Yeah, that's how you spell "pizza" it's not The Leaning Tower of pizza, jackass!
- Bam's Uncle: That's where it came from, Bam, Italy. You don't know nothing abou Italy.
- Bam Margera: [Hangs head laughing]
- Bam's Uncle: [In Pisa, Italy] The whole goddamn city is named after pizza
- Bam Margera: It's Pisa
- Bam Margera: Yeah, but that's "pizza" in Italian
- Bam Margera: Looks like we're ready for Monaco. Ready to go outside?
- Bam's Uncle: Yeah Bam I just wanna go to the beach.
- Bam Margera: Do you know the rules of Monaco?
- Bam's Uncle: Naw they got stupid rules...
- Bam Margera: You cant talk loud.
- Bam's Uncle: ...itza stupid kazixta stupid country, datzall i know.
- Bam Margera: -whispering- Whisper.
- Bam's Uncle: Whisper What?
- Bam Margera: -whispering- Whisper, Shhhhh.
- Bam's Uncle: What whisper then we'll get outta this town, and I can get outta this suit if I whisper?
- Bam Margera: -whispering- Yes whisper.
- Bam's Uncle: -whispering- I'll whisper lets go... I hate Monaco... Pistachio... Pistachio.
- [from the opening creditd]
- Announcer: Bam Margera. What will he do next?
- Bam Margera: Whatever the fuck I want.
- Bam's Crew: How are we going to spot 'em?
- Bam's Crew: Are you kidding? We're looking for Phil. He's not too hard to pick out.
- Bam's Crew: He's like the size of three Frenchmen!
- Police Officer: Don't do anything stupid
- Bam Margera: I wasn't planning on it
- Police Officer: Good... 'cause I'll arrest your ass!
- Bam's Crew: [Sitting in bath full of cocoa and marshmellows] This is kind of nice
- Bam's Dad: Turned out alright didn't it?
- Bam's Crew: Yeah
- Bam's Dad: It's comfortable in here!
- Bam's Mom: [after Bam and friends fill April's car with snow] I'm gonna have to call a cab
- Bam Margera: There is no cab companies in West Chester
- Bam's Mom: I'm gonna call the Purple Cab Company
- Bam's Crew: I've never heard of Purple Cab. There's only Rainbow Cab.
- Bam's Mom: [Few moments later April drives up the drive in Bam's purple Lambo] -in mocking tone- "There's no Purple Cab company"
- Bam Margera: [Everybody laughing] Get out of that!
- Bam Margera: [Bam chases the car for a moment as April drives away] I was gonna throw a snowball at it but then I remembered it was mine!
- Bam Margera: Well if Bran and Rake aren't going then I gotta call my friends, The Dudesons!
- Bam's Crew: That one guy doesn't shut the hell up. Please don't call!
- Colin Morrison: [drives his bike through a glass door in the house]
- Bam's Mom: Am I the only normal one here?
- Bam's Uncle: No, Ape, I'm normal.
- Bam's Mom: Oh, God! You're so not normal!
- Jimmy Pop: Have you ever tried calling you? I called you like 17 times. And I even left messages, and I even say dirty things on it to think that will make you mad and all fired up, and you'll call me.
- Bam's Dad: [after April kisses Bam goodbye] If she kisses you, I can kiss you. I hope you know that. Bye Bye.
- [Tries to kiss Bam]
- Bam Margera: Ew! Get away!
- Bam's Dad: When she kisses I kiss
- Bam's Crew: This guy's not even in France yet, and already he's acting all weird
- Bam's Crew: H.R Kissnshit!
- Bam's Crew: [after putting frogs in Bam's tent] I guess he didn't find his prince. Maybe he should have kissed one.
- Bam Margera: Dico, you coming to Mexico?
- Brandon DiCamillo: No, all the video games suck ther. What am I gonna play, Outre Kombat? El Street Fight Grande?
- George Ex CIA opperative: Friend, you ever have a polygraph before?
- Brandon Novak: Yes
- George Ex CIA opperative: Did you? How'd you do? Really good, I bet.
- Brandon Novak: Uh... I got six months.
- [everybody laughs]
- Bam's Crew: We just had to carry with fat Vito...
- Bam's Crew: [kisses Raab]
- Bam's Crew: That makes it all better
- Oderus: [shouts] Where is Bam Bam?
- [after Vito made Bams Hummer drive off that cliff thing]
- Bam Margera: Vito... I'm proud of you! You thought this all through!
- Bam's Uncle: I'm gonna kill your plane, you watch!
- Johnny Knoxville: Jesus, That's... That is so hateful...!
- Bam's Uncle: Come near me again, I'll kill ya.
- Jarpi: [Jarpi is jabbering away in Finnish]
- Bam Margera: He just said every Finnish word in the fucking dictionary in a matter of five minutes
- Bam Margera: [turns to Jarpi] All right. All right, enough. No more Finland talk!
- Jared 'Evil' Hasselhoff: Don't worry. We can fix this. My dad's a tv repairman. He's got the ultimate set of tools.
- Brandon DiCamillo: The food train has arrived, sire. Who ordered a side of style? At home, we call this "portions galore"! Enjoy.
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