Reno 911! (2003– )

Nick Swardson: Terry Bernadino, Terry

Photos 

Quotes 

• Terry : There's was this guy at the store with this flamethrower, and he like grabbed this lady's baby and he's like, "Oh, I'm gonna kill this baby!" It was so sad, I was like crying...

• Terry : I heard a rumor.

  Deputy Trudy Wiegel : What's that, Ter?

  Terry : Mexican werewolves are coming up from Mexico and selling crack.

• Deputy Trudy Wiegel : What are you doin out here today, Terry?

  Terry : What?

  Deputy Trudy Wiegel : What are you doin out here today?

  Terry : Just out... watching over stuff.

  Deputy Trudy Wiegel : Mmk. Looks like maybe you're doin a little uhh prostitution out here today, Terry, is that possible?

  Terry : No, no I'm not. I'm sooo not.

  Deputy Trudy Wiegel : Terry, are you on anything today?

  Terry : I'm not. I quit. I don't even... I don't even drink.

  Deputy Trudy Wiegel : You seem a little jittery right now, Terry. Are you trying to tell me you're not on any substances?

  Terry : I had skittles.

  Deputy Trudy Wiegel : You're jittery from skittles?

  Terry : Yes.

  Deputy Trudy Wiegel : [looking at Terry's eyes]  Interesting. You're eyes are real dialated and they seem sort of joggin around a little bit.

  Terry : Well have you ever had skittles? It's all sugar.

• Terry : [At an empty baseball field]  Hit it! Dammit, now we're losing.

  Deputy S. Jones : You know who else is losing?

  Terry : [pauses]  Iraq

• Terry : I'm in five gangs now. I started two. I started the Kitties and the Grape Slushies.

• Lt. Jim Dangle : Have you been giving tug jobs in the bathroom?

  Terry : No! Why would I do that?

  [Putting hand to chest] 

  Terry : I would never do something like that. First of all, I have a girlfriend, who I love very much...

  Lt. Jim Dangle : Her name is?

  Terry : [pauses]  Michelle.

  Deputy Travis Junior : Michelle? What she look like?

  Terry : She's, uh, super tall.

  Lt. Jim Dangle : Uh huh.

  Terry : And shes got...

  Lt. Jim Dangle : How tall?

  Terry : Sweet boobs.

  Lt. Jim Dangle : Uh huh, I always knew you were a sweet booby man Terry.

  Terry : I put my wiener on them.

  Lt. Jim Dangle : Yep?

  Lt. Jim Dangle : Yep.

  Terry : Ya did?

  Terry : Yeah its true.