Chappelle's Show (2003–2006)
Charlie Murphy: Self, Self - Host, Buc Nasty, Various, Frankenstein, Rodney 'Quills' Dinkins, Stinky, Thug, Tyree, Weed Smoker
Photos
Quotes
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Rick James : Now, Darkness, the tables are turned.
Rick James : [to his bodyguards] Do with him whatever you like.
Charlie Murphy : Motherfuckers take one more step, I'm kicking this nigga out the motherfucking window.
Rick James : Cubbie, freeze!
Charlie Murphy : You know you was wrong for what you did to me earlier. Look what you did to my face!
[soft piano music playing...]
Rick James : I'm sorry, Charlie Murphy, it was an accident. I was having too much fun. I offer you a truce. The stickiest of the icky. You want to smoke with the old boy Rick James?
Charlie Murphy : Yo, man, my forehead is bumpin', man.
Rick James : Now that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. But I got the medicine.
Rick James : Bitches... Come over here and have sex with Charlie Murphy.
Rick James : I'm Rick James, bitch.
[Rick claps twice]
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Rick James : [as Charlie and Eddie Murphy beat up on his legs] YOU DARKNESS, YOU BLACK - LATE NIGHT - EVIL MOTHAFUCKAS - BLACK MAGIC, DARKNESS! YOU RAW... DARKNESS... YOU... DELIRIOUS... MOTHAFUCKAS. YOU WAS COLD AS ICE.
Charlie Murphy : [narrating] But still, after taking a beating like that, Rick's like...
Rick James : Fuck yo couch, nigga.
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Charlie Murphy : I knew what hotel he was stayin' at. I told my boys I'd catch up with them later. So I shot over to the hotel, went up to his room...
[Cuts to Rick James sitting on a dresser talking to himself]
Rick James : So then... he comes in there and I says, "Listen, bitch, I'm Rick James."
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Charlie Murphy : [when Prince challenges them to basketball] We can call it the shirts vs the blouses.
[Prince looks on the verge of tears]
Charlie Murphy : I don't know what he was crying about. He knew where he got that shirt and it certainly wasn't in the men's department
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Charlie Murphy : Things like escalated to the point where, you know, my man got too familiar and I ended up having to whip his ass man, you know, cause you know, he would step across the line. Habitually. He's a habitual line stepper.
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[after Rick James has slapped him for no particular reason]
Charlie Murphy : I'm standing there I'm thinking, "This nigga really has lost his fucking mind." First of all, you don't slap a man. Ok. I mean, even when slapping was fashionable, ya know, they did it in Paris, some guy would come up, "I challenge you to a duel." They would have a gunfight after that, somebody had to go!
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Charlie Murphy : My brother, he's a lot more compassionate than I am, you know. We were looking at Rick getting in the limo, and as it drove off, Eddie says, "Man... Rick really needs help". I was like, "Hey man, we just gave him some help. We busted his motha fuckin' legs. I bet he won't come back and disrespect again." WRONG, WRONG... We're talkin' bout Rick James, man.
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Charlie Murphy : I mean, you know where you got that shirt. And it damn sure wasn't the men's department.
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Charlie Murphy : Because of my complexion, he use to call me Darkness. He calls me and brother Darkness. The Darkness Brothers. See, this is long before Wesley Snipes. Back then... we was the blackest niggas on the planet according to Rick James.
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[one white man has been forced to live with five crazy black people]
Chad : Tyree, you stabbed my dad! And you had sex with Katie.
Tyree : Hey man, you got that all wrong. I ain't had sex with Katie. Lysol had sex with Katie. I just filmed it.
Katie : No, Tyree, you had sex with me too.
Tyree : Correction: I had sex with Katie.
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Tyree : My name is Tyree, and yeah, I went to prison!
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Tyree : Man, can you hold it down? I'm tryin' to make love over here!
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Quills : [screaming] All right, nigga! Get butt naked right now!
Leonard Washington : [calm] First of all, I think y'better watch your tone son. I'm Leonard Washington. I don't get butt naked for nobody.
[holds up wad of money]
Leonard Washington : You want this roll, nigga? You gonna have to shoot me for it.
Quills : OK
[shoots him in the knee, takes the money]
Leonard Washington : GOD DAMN, NIGGA! WHAT THE HELL WRONG WITH YOU! THAT'S WHY BLACK PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING! YOUR MAMA AIN'T SHIT!
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[during a basketball game with Prince]
Charlie Murphy : Hey Prince, you got a towel? It's kinda hot in here.
Prince : Why don't you purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka?
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[seeing Silky Johnson sporting a fancy suit and cane at the Player Haters Ball]
Buck Nasty : Man, you should take that cane, and beat whoever made that suit to death.
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Slave Master : You'd better watch your mouth!
Buck Nasty : Yo, you'd better watch your's, white boy, before I shove these 'gators up your ass and show your insides some style.
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Charlie Murphy : [after being beaten by Prince in a basketball game] Challenge him, i-ight. Make sure your crew is there to witness it, cuz you just might get embarrassed.
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[Charlie has just hit Rick after Rick slapped him for no reason]
Rick James : Darkness, why you hit me like that?
Charlie Murphy : You hit me!
Rick James : Nigga, that was weeks ago!
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Miss Harvey : Look at that, Calvins got a job! Hey, Calvin!
Calvin : Hey Miss Harvey! Just got my first paycheck.
Miss Harvey : That's good, Calvin very good!
Neighbor : Way to go young brotha, gettin' paid, gettin' paid.
Thug #3 : Yo, I heard Calvin got a job.
Thug #1 : Man, I'm proud of him!
Thug #2 : [pulling ski mask over his face] Let's rob that nigga, man.
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Charlie Murphy : Hey man. Wheres Dave?
Neal Brennan : Africa.
Donnell Rawlings : Africa?
Neal Brennan : Yep.
Donnell Rawlings : Oh no. I'm broke biotch!
[Donnell faints but Charlie catches him]
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Charlie Murphy : The first thing I seen is O.J. Simpson, and I remember thinking to myself 'wow, that's O.J. Simpson, he has a big fucking head, man'
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Charlie Murphy : Eddie and everybody else thought that that was the funniest shit. And that threw me in a weird space cause I'm like, "Yo, this is Rick James and he's a star. Maybe I'm overreacting." I actually went there like, "Maybe I shouldn't do nothing." But my ghetto side was going, "Yo, stomp this motherfucker out right here. What the fuck is wrong with him?"
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Charlie Murphy : Well, I gotta admit... Um... It was a good game.
Prince : I wish I could say the same for you and your crew of flunkies. You guys want some grapes?... Bitches.
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Charlie Murphy : But that showed me never judge a book by it's cover. Prince could really ball!
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Charlie Murphy : [referring to the Prince basketball game] That cat could ball, man.
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[from the Charlie Murphy/Prince "True Hollywood" story]
Neal Brennan : What happened next after the game?
Charlie Murphy : He took us back inside and made us pancakes.
[shot of Dave as Prince serving pancakes]
Charlie Murphy : [pause, dead serious] Pancakes.
Prince : [serving pancakes] Nice game, bitches.