Quotes

Return to the Batcave: The Misadventures of Adam and Burt

Valet parker: Hey, if you're looking for the Batmobile, it went that way.
Adam West: [noticing he's wearing an eye patch] You have a sharp eye, my friend.

[after Adam disarms a bomb]
Burt Ward: Good thing that bomb was a fake.
[the bomb explodes and Burt is sent flying out of the cave by the blast, Adam walks out unharmed]
Burt Ward: How come you didn't get burned?
Adam West: Stuntman.
Burt Ward: [disgusted] Dang!

[Adam and Burt are at a diner. Burt reads a menu]
Burt Ward: Holy lunch specials! Look at this.
Adam West: It appears to be a menu, Burt. Not an unusual thing in a place like this.
Burt Ward: But look what's *on* the menu, or rather *who*. A "Burgess Burger... "
Adam West: What?
Burt Ward: "Gorshin Franks and Beans... " "Cesar Romero Salad... " "Vincent Fries... " They even have drinks. Look, a "Julie New-Martini."
[Burt hands Adam the menu and Adam reads it]
Adam West: "Art Chili Con Carney... " "Zsa Zsa Gabor... " "Liberace... " All these people disguised as daily specials!
Burt Ward: Almost every actor who played a villain our characters battled.
Adam West: Battled? Yes, and triumphed over. Any one of them could still be harboring a grudge.
Burt Ward: Adam, they're only actors.
Adam West: I'm sure they'd like us to think so, Burt. But there's more here than meets the eye.
[Adam and Burt look around suspiciously]
Adam West: Very odd.
Burt Ward: What's that?
Adam West: [checking his watch] It's time for an act break, but that voice is strangely absent.
Burt Ward: *He* must be on a break.
Adam West: Possibly. But now that he's not here, I miss him.

Adam West: [after driving all night to the Arizona border in the search for the Batmobile] I think the clue is in our past, somewhere...
Burt Ward: What's this?
[removes flyer from under the car's windshield wiper]
Adam West: ...we still have to find it.
Burt Ward: [reads flyer] Hey Adam, look. The Highway to Arizona Bar is having a Happy Hour. Great place. Just down the street from the car museum.
Adam West: [grabs flyer and reads it with stunned disbelief] You... you... you *knew* about that place?
Burt Ward: [not getting it] Yeah. Why?
Adam West: [aggravated] Oh!
Burt Ward: [thinks about it and realizes they've driven all night for nothing] Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!

Adam West: [after meeting on the set for the first time] Why don't we take some time and discuss our approaches to the role?
Burt Ward: Well, I just plan on saying my lines.
[sees looks of surprise on faces of West and director]
Burt Ward: Is there more to it than that?
Adam West: [trying to put it delicately] Uhhh, well, yeah. Maybe a little

Adam West: [reading an invitation left on his front door] Alfred! I need you!
[opens closet]
Adam West: Ah, what to wear?
[sees one suit]
Adam West: Eh, too flashy.
[sees another one]
Adam West: Too stuffy.
[sees another one]
Adam West: Too formal.
[comes across his old Batman costume]
Adam West: Too retro.
Jerry the Butler: [patiently after coming into the room] It's not Alfred, Mister West. It's Jerry. Alfred was the guy on the tv-show.
Adam West: There's a charity event at the car museum tonight. It seems I'm expected.
Jerry the Butler: [reads invitation] A little last minute, isn't it?
Adam West: Charity doesn't punch a clock, my friend.
Jerry the Butler: I guess you'll be needing your tuxedo.
Adam West: Nooo. I think something a little more in keeping with the times. Something a little less formal. Something... Clooneyish.

[after the Batmobile's been stolen and leaves fire-tire tracks]
Charity Event Host: The Batmobile's been stolen.
Adam West: [holding up his car key] Using my key.
Burt Ward: Holy tire tracks! Look, they go from two to one. It went out on two wheels. That fiend.
Adam West: He may be a fiend, but he's an excellent driver.

[Burt's auditionin for the part of Robin]
Burt Ward: Uh, Robin?
Casting Director: Yeah, Batman's sidekick. You know the comic book character?
Burt Ward: You're kidding? I used to pretend I was Superboy when I was three. I'd be speeding around on my tricycle.

Casting Director: This is your resume? There's not a lot here. Actually uh, there nothing here.
Burt Ward: Yeah, uh i really didn't know what to list. I have special skills. I uh, I can ice skate. I've been skating in shows since I was two, world's youngest professional ice skater.
Casting Director: Ah.
Burt Ward: Uh, I have a black belt in Taekwondo, I can break boards with my bare hands, breaks too, in fact... uh...
Casting Director: Uh, anything else?
Burt Ward: I can read 30, 000 words per minute.
Casting Director: Not a lot of call for that.

Julie Newmar: Why would you want to rewrite this? The script is brilliant the way it is.
Robert Butler: Well, we're not talking about a major change, Julie, just the idea that she falls in love with Batman.
Julie Newmar: I'll do it however you want, but I really think it's a big mistake. Catwoman is, well, she's just--she's wicked. There's no room for love in her life. She teases him. She leads him on. She's a cat.
[She rises from her chair and walks over to Adam, teasing him]
Julie Newmar: She purrs but she has claws. She nuzzles but she bites. And she knows this is the one way to get to Batman: through his suppressed emotions. It's a sensual approach like a dancer, the way she moves, the way she tempts him but she never loses her heart and she never, ever sleeps with him.
Adam West: Never?
Julie Newmar: See what I mean?
Burt Ward: Maybe--maybe she should try tempting Robin, too.
[laughter]
Robert Butler: Adam, okay with you?
Adam West: She certainly causes curious stirrings in my utility belt.
[laughter]
Julie Newmar: So, where were we?

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Top Gap

By what name was Return to the Batcave: The Misadventures of Adam and Burt (2003) officially released in Canada in English?