Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

Steve Coogan: Phileas Fogg

Photos 

Quotes 

• Phileas Fogg : I am a British Citizen, I have nothing to fear!

  [Gunshot goes off in background] 

  Phileas Fogg : ... except bullets.

• [Monique, Phileas and Passepartout are disguised as women in India] 

  Phileas Fogg : I feel faint.

  Monique La Roche : Phileas, women are not that weak.

  Phileas Fogg : No, but I am.

• Phileas Fogg : Have you seen our companion?

  Wilbur Wright : You mean the half-naked Chinese man with a cow skull on his head singing Frère Jacques?

• Phileas Fogg : This is what happens when you leave home. You meet... people.

• [Passepartout is fighting while the caged Phileas coaches him] 

  Phileas Fogg : Watch out to the right!

  [Passepartout misses] 

  Phileas Fogg : No, my right.

  [Passepartout is hit] 

  Passepartout : Stop helping me!

• Phileas Fogg : [the Black Scorpion leader threatens him with his bracelet]  Your threats do not frighten me, nor does your silly bracelet.

  [a blade pops out of the bracelet] 

  Phileas Fogg : All right, it's not silly.

• Phileas Fogg : Rules are made to be broken... or stabbed by a spikey shoe.

• Phileas Fogg : Alms? Alms for the poor?

  San Francisco Hobo : Arms? You've already got arms. It's money you need.

  Phileas Fogg : Wonderful; I can't even scrounge properly.

• Phileas Fogg : [about Passepartout hitting buildings and statues of Paris while hanging on the rope of the balloon]  Very impressive. I'd have let go by now.

• Prince Hapi : You two men may leave but Miss La Roche stays here.

  Phileas Fogg : Why does she stay?

  Prince Hapi : She will be my wife. One of seven.

  Monique La Roche : Surprised. You have seven wives?

  Prince Hapi : One for every day of the week. Do Tuesdays work for you?

• Monique La Roche : [just after Philieas has discovered the truth and is leaving]  Don't let him go. He'll be lost by midnight. Go.

  [to Passepartout] 

  Phileas Fogg : [outside, surrounded by thugs with swords to his neck as Passepartout finds him]  More of your relatives, I suppose.

• Passepartout : [in the warehouse, seeing the Statue of Liberty in pieces]  That's a big man.

  Monique La Roche : It is a lady. A French lady.

  Phileas Fogg : [turning to see General Fang and her henchmen]  She looks like an evil Chinese warlord to me.

  General Fang : Your journey has caused quite a stir, Mr. Fogg. But I'm afraid it ends here.

  Passepartout : Leave them alone, Fang. This has nothing to do with them.

  General Fang : On the contrary, Lau Xing. Lord Kelvin and I have made new arrangements to conquer Lanzhou. Unfortunately for Mr. Fogg, they entail his... permanent detour.

• Monique La Roche : I'm sorry, Phileas.

  Phileas Fogg : Don't be, my cheri. I saw the world. I learnt of new cultures. I flew across an ocean. I wore women's clothing. Made a friend.

  [he takes Monique's hand] 

  Phileas Fogg : Fell in love. Who cares if I lost a wager?

  Queen Victoria : I do! I've got 20 quid riding on you.

  Phileas Fogg : Your Majesty, it has gone 12 noon.

  Queen Victoria : Correct. Which gives you 24 hours remaining.

• Phileas Fogg : One day, I will build a machine that will allow a man to fly!

  San Francisco Hobo : Flying men? Where? Where?

  Phileas Fogg : Nowhere!

  San Francisco Hobo : Where are the flying men? Where are the flying men?

  Phileas Fogg : They're over there!

  San Francisco Hobo : Beware the flying men! Beware the Flying men! The Bird men are coming!

• Phileas Fogg : Here comes Mr. Grumpy... and the Leather-ettes.

• Phileas Fogg : Unlike you and your colleagues, money does not inspire me.

  Lord Kelvin : I believe every man has his price. Even you, o noble Phileas Fogg. There must be something I could offer that would be worthy of your time.

  Phileas Fogg : There is. Your position as head of the Royal Academy.

  [chattering begins] 

  Phileas Fogg : I could lead Britian and the rest of the world into a new age of progress and discovery.

  [everyone begins laughing] 

  Lord Kelvin : Fair enough.

  Phileas Fogg : What?

  Lord Kelvin : I, Lord Kelvin, hereby vow to surrender my position as minister of science to Phileas Fogg if he can circumnavigate the globe... in no more than 80 days. But if he cannot, he must never set foot in the academy again, he must tear down that abhorrent eyesore he calls a labatory, and he must swear... never to invent again.

  [Phileas is taken aback by this vow, not knowing what to say] 

  Lord Kelvin : Just as I always suspected, Fogg. You promise so much, yet you deliver... oh,nothing.

  [more laughter] 

  Phileas Fogg : [quietly]  I'll take your wager.

  [the room goes quiet] 

  Lord Kelvin : What did you say?

  Phileas Fogg : [louder]  I'll take your wager!

• Phileas Fogg : [after drinking too much Chinese sake]  I am going to be abominably ill.

  [he runs off] 

• Lau Xing's Father : [to Lau Xing, in Chinese]  Lau Xing, you have returned our sacred Buddha to Lanzhou. It has brought hope back to our village.

  Lau Xing's Mother : [interrupts to Lau Xing's father, to everybody in the table]  Drink!

  [everybody drinks the liquor, while Phileas is feeling disgusted by the flavor] 

  Lau Xing's Father : [speaks again to Lau Xing, in Chinese]  Thanks to your courageous efforts, we will live in...

  Lau Xing's Mother : [interrupts again to Lau Xing's father to drink]  Drink!

  Phileas Fogg : [he holds up his drink and says in a disgusted way]  ''Kampai''.

  Lau Xing's Mother : [speaks in Chinese and makes Phileas to drink the liquor, as Lau Xing and Monique laugh quietly at him] 

  Phileas Fogg : I've had quite enough.

  [Lau Xing's mother makes him drink the liquor as he gets a ''bit nauseated''] 

  Lau Xing's Father : [speaks again to Lau Xing, in Chinese]  Thanks to your courageous efforts, we will live in peace and...

  Lau Xing's Mother : [interrupts again to Lau Xing's father, starting to annoy him]  Drink!

  [Lau Xing's mother forces again Phileas to drink the liquor, leaving him a bit dizzy] 

  Lau Xing's Father : [speaks fast in Chinese to not be interrupted again]  Thanks to your courageous efforts we will live in peace and harmony, AND FOR THAT WE ARE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!

  [he finishes to talk, and takes away the liquor bottle and cheers for a last time] 

  Lau Xing's Mother : [to everybody]  Drink!

  [everybody drinks] 

  Phileas Fogg : ''Kampai!''

  [he drinks as he gets drunk and nauseated] 

  Phileas Fogg : [everybody finishes drinking] 

  Phileas Fogg : [nauseated]  I am going to be abominably ill.

  [Phileas stands up quickly to go the bedroom to rest but he accidentally breaks a Chinese jar, then Lau Xing's mother continues with the drinking] 

• [Jean Michel is sitting inside a Heath Robinson contraption, wearing a tin helmet] 

  Phileas Fogg : Today is the day I will finally achieve what has been deemed impossible: man *can* break the fifty mile per hour speed barrier. And you, you're lucky enough to be part of it here.

  Jean Michel : [unconvincingly, looking very frightened]  It's jolly, sir.

  Phileas Fogg : Yes, we will make history - or we will die trying.

  Jean Michel : Die?

  Phileas Fogg : This is *very* exciting.

  Jean Michel : That's it! I refuse to be catapulted, electrocuted or have my internal organs disrupted any longer! I quit!

  [Jean Michel takes off his helmet and backpack, and storms off] 

  Jean Michel : He is a very sick man.

  Phileas Fogg : The electrocution was not my fault. You refused to wear the rubber underpants.