Spider-Man 2 (2004)

J.K. Simmons: J. Jonah Jameson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Miss Brant : Boss, your wife's on the line, she said she lost her checkbook.

  J. Jonah Jameson : Thanks for the good news!

• [brainstorming a catchy 'super-villain' nickname for Dr. Otto Octavius] 

  J. Jonah Jameson : What are we gonna call this guy?

  Hoffman : 'Doctor Octopus'?

  J. Jonah Jameson : That's crap.

  Hoffman : 'Science Squid'?

  J. Jonah Jameson : Crap.

  Hoffman : 'Doctor Strange'.

  J. Jonah Jameson : That's pretty good.

  [Hoffman looks proud] 

  J. Jonah Jameson : But it's taken! Wait, wait! I got it! 'Doctor Octopus'.

  Hoffman : But... uh...

  [gives up] 

  Hoffman : I like it.

  J. Jonah Jameson : Of course you do. 'Doctor Octopus'. New villain in town: 'Doc Ock'.

  Hoffman : Genius.

  J. Jonah Jameson : What, are you looking for a raise? Get out!

• Peter Parker : Mr. Jameson, please, isn't there any of these shots you can use? I really need the money.

  J. Jonah Jameson : Awww. Miss Brant?

  Miss Brant : Yeah?

  J. Jonah Jameson : Get me a violin.

• J. Jonah Jameson : [John Jameson has just been left at the altar by Mary Jane]  Call Debra.

  Mrs. Jameson : The caterer?

  J. Jonah Jameson : Tell her not to open the caviar.

• J. Jonah Jameson : I drove Spider-Man away. My god, he was a hero. Spider-Man truly was an asset to this city. He was...

  J. Jonah Jameson : [a whooshing sound is heard and Jameson turns around - realizing that the Spider-Man costume is gone]  ... a criminal! That's who he is! A burglar! He stole my suit! I want Spider-Man!

  [sees an open window] 

  J. Jonah Jameson : I WANT SPIDER-MAN!

• J. Jonah Jameson : I'll give you $150.00 for all of them!

  Peter Parker : $300.00.

  J. Jonah Jameson : That's outrageous! Done. Give this to the girl.

• Miss Brant : [Walks in with Peter]  Chief, I found Parker.

  J. Jonah Jameson : 'Bout time, where were you? Crazy scientist blows himself up, and we don't have pictures!

  Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson : I heard Spider-Man was there.

  J. Jonah Jameson : [annoyed]  And where were you, photographing squirrels? You're fired!

  Miss Brant : [Peter turns to leave]  Chief, the planetarium party.

  J. Jonah Jameson : Oh, right. You're unfired. I need you. Come here.

• J. Jonah Jameson : Come here. Parker, what do you know about high society?

  Peter Parker : Oh... well, I...

  J. Jonah Jameson : Don't answer that. My society photographer got hit in the head by a polo ball. You're all I got. Big party tonight for an American hero, my son the astronaut.

  Peter Parker : [serious]  Could you pay me in advance?

  [Jameson laughs hysterically for a few seconds] 

  J. Jonah Jameson : You serious? What, pay you for just standing there? Tomorrow night, the planeterium, 8:00. There's the door.

• J. Jonah Jameson : Guy named Otto Octavius winds up with eight limbs. Four mechanical arms welded right onto his body. What are the odds?

• Garbage Man : [on bringing in Spider-Man's discarded costume]  Now look, uh, I think I deserve a little something for this.

  J. Jonah Jameson : Give ya fifty bucks.

  Garbage Man : I could get more than that on eBay.

  J. Jonah Jameson : All right, a hundred. Miss Brant, give this man his money and throw in a bar of soap.

• [repeated line] 

  J. Jonah Jameson : You're fired!

• J. Jonah Jameson : [to Peter Parker]  Get your pretty little portfolio off my desk before I go into a diabetic coma!

• J. Jonah Jameson : [discussing his son's wedding with his wife over the phone]  Flowers? How much? If you spend any more on this thing, you can pick the daisies off my grave! Get plastic!

• J. Jonah Jameson : Get a picture of a rancid chicken. Headline, "Food Poisoning Scare Sweeps City!"

  Hoffman : [walks in]  Some food got poisoned?

  J. Jonah Jameson : [glares over]  I'm a little nauseous, yeah!

• J. Jonah Jameson : Take a shot of my wife with the Minister here...

  [Both pose with Minister] 

  Mrs. Jameson : Beautiful tie!

  J. Jonah Jameson : Ohh, no get a shot with the DA.

  Mrs. Jameson : Beautiful dress!

  [Both pose with DA] 

  J. Jonah Jameson : Oh here get a shot of the Mayor and his girlfriend... wife.

  [Both pose with Mayor] 

• J. Jonah Jameson : [speaking to his wife over the phone]  Dear, we agreed to put on a wedding, not go into bankruptcy... Caviar? Who are we inviting, the czar? Get some cheese and crackers... some of those little cocktail weenies...