- Stan Bobbins: We'll become the McDonalds of babies.
- Jean Bobbins: [sarcastic] Great, we'll be known as McBaby.
- Kahuna: Switch the mind control message to freedom control, they don't have to sit around watching TV all day.
- Crowe: Don't you worry, little baby, I'll feed you, I'll take care of you, I'll even change your diaper.
- Bill Biscane: I'm warning you, Crowe, I'm Bill Biscane and if you touch my diapers you're fired.
- Bill Biscane: Kahuna? Kahuna is here! Suddenly I'm feeling weak.
- Tascha: Then sit down.
- Crowe: Oh, sir...
- Bill Biscane: Get me something!
- Crowe: What can I get you, sir?
- Bill Biscane: A soda pop.
- Crowe: Diet or regular?
- Bill Biscane: What's the difference?
- [to Tascha]
- Bill Biscane: Feel my head. Is it hot? Is it cold? Tell me the truth.
- Tascha: It's perfectly normal.
- Bill Biscane: Normal? What do you know? You are not a real doctor... where's my soda pop?
- [gets his soda pop with an umbrella]
- Bill Biscane: Give me my globe. I don't want this umbrella.