- Febre the Man in Black: What if I absolutely must kill someone?
- Cardinal Richelieu: Well, if you must, you must.
- D'Artagnan: This is not what you think.
- Francesca bon Ansau: You have no idea what I think.
- D'Artagnan: I-I wish to explain.
- Francesca bon Ansau: You behave as though you've never seen a naked woman.
- D'Artagnan: Never one quite so... naked.
- [sighs]
- D'Artagnan: Or so, uh, beautiful.
- Francesca bon Ansau: You've seen many ugly naked women?
- D'Artagnan: That's not what I meant!
- Rochefort, Richelieu Henchman: You're mad!
- Febre the Man in Black: That's the second time this evening I've been called mad, and I'm beginning to resent it.
- Cardinal Richelieu: So you plot the course of history, now. You're indeed mad!
- Febre the Man in Black: That's three times. It must be so.
- Buxom Woman at Banquet: Nice sword.
- D'Artagnan: Thank you, Mademoiselle.
- Buxom Woman at Banquet: Is it a long sword or a short sword?
- D'Artagnan: Well, long enough.
- Buxom Woman at Banquet: Do you keep your sword polished?
- D'Artagnan: Eh, when there's time.
- Buxom Woman at Banquet: And do you do it yourself, or do you have help?
- D'Artagnan: Myself, I, uh, won't trust my sword to anyone else.
- Rochefort, Richelieu Henchman: You have an interesting fighting style. Where did you acquire it?
- D'Artagnan: Here and there.
- Rochefort, Richelieu Henchman: Perhaps there. Certainly not here.
- Cardinal Richelieu: You've gone too far. I wish to scare the Spaniards, embarrass the King. I want political tension, not war.
- Febre the Man in Black: The Spaniards *were* scared. You could see it in their faces just before died. And I'm certain King Louis feels embarrassed.
- Aramis: Young Louis was given a baby crocodile from Egypt. The queen dropped it in a sewer, and it's been living off whatever it can find ever since.
- Porthos: Is that true, Bonacieux?
- Bonacieux: Something kept dragging the poor workers away. All we ever found were bones.
- Porthos: I'm very glad you and D'Artagnan lead this little group.
- D'Artagnan: Me too. Crocodiles attack from behind.
- Febre the Man in Black: And what will you do, Your Eminence? Damn me to hell? Well, I'm certain that's where I'm going. And I'm just as certain, we can finish this debate there.
- [D'Artagnan to the horse he "borrowed" for a desperate action:]
- D'Artagnan: I'm afraid you're going to regret we ever met.
- D'Artagnan: Don't look at me like that.
- Francesca bon Ansau: Like what?
- D'Artagnan: Those eyes.
- Francesca bon Ansau: They are the only eyes I have.
- D'Artagnan: It's unfair.
- D'Artagnan: I don't know what to say.
- Francesca bon Ansau: Sometimes it's much better to say nothing.
- [D'Artagnan kisses her]
- Francesca bon Ansau: Would you care to say that again?
- Aramis: Do not turn your back on me, D'Artagnan, for I will fight you!
- D'Artagnan: Do not fight me, Aramis, for I will kill you.
- Cardinal Richelieu: He has gone mad.
- D'Artagnan: He was always mad. But, when he was your madman it was overlooked.
- [the family is sitting around the meal]
- Young D'Artagnan: And we're waiting for Planchet?
- D'Artagnan's Father: Oh, I would... but my hunger won't.
- [the four musketeers are observing the stronghold where Cardinal Richelieu's army is entrenched]
- Athos: We'll take them by surprise!
- D'Artagnan: Yes... they're expecting an army...
- Aramis: Oh! Perhaps we shall not disappoint them!
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