Star Trek: Enterprise (2001–2005)

Connor Trinneer: Cmdr. Charles 'Trip' Tucker III

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Quotes 

• Commander Tucker : You aren't saying much tonight. Don't tell me you're still upset about me and Amanda.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I'm not upset.

  Commander Tucker : Sure sounds like it.

  Subcommander T'Pol : You're mistaken.

  Commander Tucker : Why would a few neuropressure sessions between me and a MACO be such a big deal. Unless...

  Subcommander T'Pol : Unless what?

  Commander Tucker : Unless you're a little jealous.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I don't experience jealousy.

  Commander Tucker : You're doing a pretty fair imitation of it.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I am not, in any way, jealous of you and Corporal Cole.

  Commander Tucker : You know, your voice is tensing up. That's a dead giveaway.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I didn't know you were an expert in vocal inflections.

  Commander Tucker : I don't need to be an expert to read you. Come on, admit it. You're a little jealous.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Are you implying that I'm attracted to you?

  Commander Tucker : That kind of goes along with the assumption, doesn't it?

• Commander Tucker : I don't like pushing the engines at 110%

  Subcommander T'Pol : They are rated for 120

  Commander Tucker : My underwear's flame-retardant, but it doesn't mean I want to set fire to myself to prove it.

• Commander Tucker : [after being cursed at by a Klingon and not understanding him]  Well I don't particularly like the way YOU smell, either.

• Subcommander T'Pol : I think you're mistaken about who's attracted to whom.

  Commander Tucker : Are you saying I'm attracted to you?

  Subcommander T'Pol : I don't need to say it, you already have.

  Commander Tucker : I don't remember that conversation.

  Subcommander T'Pol : It wasn't you, it was your clone, Sim told me.

  Commander Tucker : Sim?

  Subcommander T'Pol : He said he had feelings for me.

  Commander Tucker : He told you that?

  Subcommander T'Pol : [nodding towards the spot where Sim had stood]  Standing right there.

  Commander Tucker : What the hell was he doing in your room?

  Subcommander T'Pol : Your voice is tensing up.

  Commander Tucker : Now you're the vocal expert?

  Subcommander T'Pol : I don't need to be an expert to read you.

  Commander Tucker : I can't believe this. I'm... I'm jealous of... myself?

  Subcommander T'Pol : You're jealous?

  Commander Tucker : No. Absolutely not. Okay, maybe, maybe I am a little.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Which would mean you're attracted to me.

  [Trip gives her a look] 

  Subcommander T'Pol : It goes with the assumption.

  Commander Tucker : What just happened here? Did we? Are we?

  [T'Pol leans in and kisses Trip strongly] 

• Subcommander T'Pol : I've run a check through the Starfleet database. You might be pleased to know that this is the first recorded incident of a human male becoming pregnant.

  Commander Tucker : Just how I always wanted to get into the history books.

• [Upon waking up bound in a basement on Risa] 

  Commander Tucker : You think this is my fault?

  Lt. Reed : You were willing to follow two strange aliens into a basement.

  Commander Tucker : Gorgeous aliens. Don't forget they were gorgeous.

  Lt. Reed : They were male.

  Commander Tucker : Not at first.

• Commander Tucker : I never got the impression you cared that much about humans. Seems like you were always finding something new to complain about.

  Vulcan Ambassador Soval : I lived on Earth for more than 30 years, Commander. In that time I developed an affinity for your world and its people.

  Commander Tucker : You did a pretty good job of hiding it.

  Vulcan Ambassador Soval : Thank You.

• [Porthos has run from the shuttlepod to some trees on an alien world] 

  Commander Tucker : Going where no dog has gone before.

• Dr. Phlox : Tell me, did your visit to the Xyrillian ship involve any... uh... romance?

  Commander Tucker : What?

  Dr. Phlox : Were you intimate with anyone?

  Commander Tucker : Doc, I was over there to repair a warp reactor. What are you talking about?

  Dr. Phlox : Seems you did a little more than repair work.

  Commander Tucker : Meaning?

  Dr. Phlox : This is a nipple.

  Commander Tucker : I beg your pardon?

  Dr. Phlox : Ah, ah, the blastocyst is located between the sixth and seventh intercostals.

  Commander Tucker : What the hell are you talking about?

  Dr. Phlox : I'm not quite sure congratulations are in order, Commander, but you're pregnant.

• Subcommander T'Pol : Is there something else?

  Commander Tucker : You and Trip used to spend a lot of time here together.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I was instructing him in the practice of Vulcan neuropressure.

  Commander Tucker : I remember. We were lying right there

  [points to floor] 

  Commander Tucker : working the neural nodes on each other's feet, talking about the warp engines. How I was hoping to modify them.

  Subcommander T'Pol : How Commander Tucker was hoping to modify them.

  Commander Tucker : [dejected]  Right, Commander Tucker.

  [pause] 

  Commander Tucker : You know, he was really starting to enjoy those sessions with you.

  Subcommander T'Pol : They were helping him sleep.

  Commander Tucker : [voice getting quieter]  I'm not sure that's the only reason.

  Subcommander T'Pol : What do you mean?

  Commander Tucker : Was there ever anything between you and Trip?

  Subcommander T'Pol : If you are referring to a romantic relationship... no.

  Commander Tucker : The reason I ask is... well... you're all I think about, if you know what I mean. And, I'm not talking about an adolescent crush. That was... well, that was two days ago. This is much more serious, the way I feel about you. Anyway, what's driving me crazy is, I don't know if these feelings are mine... or his.

  Subcommander T'Pol : [voice cracking]  I can't answer that.

  Commander Tucker : I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I'm not uncomfortable.

  Commander Tucker : I just thought I should tell you this, while I still had the chance.

• Subcommander T'Pol : May I come in?

  [Sim nods OK] 

  Subcommander T'Pol : I just wanted to say how much your absence will affect the crew... how much it will affect me.

  Commander Tucker : I appreciate that. All in all, I guess I've a pretty good life...

  [T'Pol steps forward and gives him a short but sweet kiss] 

  Commander Tucker : I couldn't have asked for a better going away present.

• Commander Tucker : I'm getting punchy.

  Dr. Phlox : Why aren't you getting together with T'Pol to get your neural nodes stimulated? Too intimate?

  Commander Tucker : Nah, I don't have an hour a night to waste in T'Pol's quarters. Isn't there something else I could do.

  Dr. Phlox : There is Alderberan mud leeches.

  Commander Tucker : What the hell am I supposed to do with those?

  Dr. Phlox : Place one on your chest and one on your abdomen an hour before going to bed. Their secretions act as a natural sedative. Oh, uh, please be careful to sleep on your back. If you roll over, you might anger them.

  Commander Tucker : Maybe an hour a night with T'pol isn't so bad.

• Lt. Reed : So what is happening between you and Amanda?

  Commander Tucker : We are just friends. Is everyone on this ship watching us?

  Lt. Reed : You're hard to miss.

  Commander Tucker : That's what T'Pol said.

  Lt. Reed : Is it true that she's giving Amanda neuropressure now? I heard it was damage control from your tender touch.

  Commander Tucker : T'Pol's just smoothing out some of the rough spots.

  [very clipped voice] 

  Commander Tucker : That's all.

  Lt. Reed : Why were you giving Amanda Cole neuropressure anyway?

  Commander Tucker : [very defensive]  What's it to you?

  Lt. Reed : Well, from what I've been told it's a pretty intimate procedure. Sure you're just friends?

  Commander Tucker : I do it with T'Pol. Are you implying that there is something going on there, as well?

  Lt. Reed : That's the rumor.

  Commander Tucker : For the last time, there is nothing going on with any of us. Between any of us.

  Lt. Reed : Right. Just friends?

  Commander Tucker : That's right.

  Lt. Reed : I guess this Vulcan neuropressure isn't that intimate after all.

  Commander Tucker : Exactly.

  Lt. Reed : In that case, I've got this nasty little pain...

  Commander Tucker : [voice very clipped]  Just drop it.

• Commander Tucker : Have you talked to Lorian yet? He's a good kid, maybe you should get to know him.

  Subcommander T'Pol : No, I haven't and he is not a kid, he's over 100 years old.

  Commander Tucker : [laughs]  Only in the expanse could I have a kid three times my age. Who would have thought, you and me, huh? Lorian says we're going to be married in a traditional Vulcan ceremony. It's gonna take me weeks to learn to pronounce the vows. You know where we are going to have our honeymoon? Cargo Bay Three! He says, "I'll fill it up with sand that we dug up from a passing asteroid". I'm even supposed to,

  [laughs] 

  Commander Tucker : manufacture a palm tree.

  Subcommander T'Pol : It's ridiculous to assume that those events are going to happen. Hand me the flux coupler.

  Commander Tucker : Aren't you at all curious about how you and I are supposed to end up together?

  Subcommander T'Pol : The fact that our counterparts marry doesn't mean we'll do the same.

  Commander Tucker : You're afraid to admit that under the right circumstances, you could have feelings for me. Maybe you have them already.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I should've known this was a mistake.

  Commander Tucker : What?

  Subcommander T'Pol : Exploring human sexuality with you. You're obviously unable to have a physical relaionship without developing an emotional attachment.

  Commander Tucker : You know, all the other women on board must have been taken, because I can't imagine any other reason why I would've married someone as stubborn as you.

• Commander Tucker : Computer, begin recording. Dear Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, by the time you get this, Starfleet will have already told you about Jane. Since I worked so closely with her, I wanted to add my personal condolences. I have to admit, I've been putting off writing this for a while. I convinced myself that my duties on Enterprise took precedence. But the truth is I didn't want to face the fact that someone so young with so much promise could just be gone. But I'm facing it now. And I find myself thinking how important she was to me. She was a great engineer. And she was my friend. She won't be forgotten.

• Commander Tucker : We should have heard something by now. What if they failed? Earth could be...

  [T'pol puts a hand on his shoulder to calm him] 

  Subcommander T'Pol : Be patient.

  Commander Tucker : [looks at her hand]  My skin's healing faster than yours. I guess you Vulcans aren't so tough after all.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Dr. Phlox says we should all be back to normal within two to three days.

  Commander Tucker : I'm only kidding. You look nice like this, kind of like an old oil painting.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I am not old. I will only be 66 years old on my next birthday.

  Commander Tucker : I can't believe you told me that.

  Subcommander T'Pol : You accused me of looking old!

  Commander Tucker : That's not what I mean. I've been trying to get you to tell me your age since we left space dock. Why now?

  Subcommander T'Pol : To Vulcans, certain information is considered... intimate.

  Commander Tucker : Intimate? Hmm.

• Commander Tucker : Where did you put the phase pistols?

  Lt. Reed : You're going to shoot a bug?

  Commander Tucker : I'm just going to stun it.

• Subcommander T'Pol : You've dismissed all my proposals.

  Commander Tucker : When you come up with one which doesn't involve blowing ourselves up, I'll be a little more enthusiastic.

  Subcommander T'Pol : You might surprise me with an idea of your own.

  Commander Tucker : Maybe you haven't had time to meditate. I don't know. But whatever's going on with you lately, I've had enough. I'll work on this in Engineering. Call me if you have any more brilliant ideas.

  [he turns to leave] 

  Subcommander T'Pol : Commander... Trip!

  [he stops and comes back] 

  Subcommander T'Pol : Everything that's happened recently has caused me to become slightly emotional.

  Commander Tucker : I've noticed.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I apologize.

  Commander Tucker : Forget about it.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I wish I could. It may take some time for me to regain my control. It will be difficult for me to deal with, especially... on my own.

  Commander Tucker : This hasn't been easy for any of us. You know how much I appreciate what you did for me. When this is over, I'm all ears. Why don't we take another crack at this?

• T'Les : How long have you been romantically involved with my daughter?

  [off, Trip surprised face] 

  T'Les : How long have you been attracted to her?

  Commander Tucker : Since our first argument, I felt the chemistry between us. But, I had a feeling T'Pol wasn't going to mention it.

  T'Les : She didn't. I'm her mother.

• Commander Tucker : I've heard the women on Draylax have...

  Travis Mayweather : Three... it's true.

  Commander Tucker : You know that first-hand?

  Travis Mayweather : First-hand, second-hand, third-hand...

• Subcommander T'Pol : [about her marriage to Koss]  Trip, I have to do this... for many reasons.

  Commander Tucker : And how am I supposed to take this?

  Subcommander T'Pol : I'm sorry.

  Commander Tucker : You're sorry. You brought me 16 light years just to watch you get married to someone you barely know.

• Commander Tucker : You did all that... with a phase pistol?

  Lt. Reed : You're good at building things. I'm good at blowing them up.

• [Malcolm mentions he is going to reread Ulysses] 

  Commander Tucker : I'd rather realign every microcircuit on this shuttle than try to read through that baby.

  Lt. Reed : British schools have a core curriculum. It serves to provide a well-rounded education. Sometimes I think you North Americans read nothing but comic books and those ridiculous science fiction novels.

  Commander Tucker : I'll have you know that Superman was laced with metaphor. Subtext layered on subtext.

• Lt. Reed : What do you think of T'Pol, hmm? Do you think she's pretty?

  Commander Tucker : T'Pol? Are you serious?

  Lt. Reed : Well, she is a woman you know. I think she's pretty.

  Commander Tucker : You've had too much to drink.

  Lt. Reed : Don't tell me you've never noticed her, you know, in that way.

  Commander Tucker : Nah, she's a Vulcan.

  Lt. Reed : I think she's pretty.

  Commander Tucker : Oh, God.

  Lt. Reed : You ever noticed her bum?

  Commander Tucker : What?

  Lt. Reed : Her bum. She's got an awfully nice bum.

  Commander Tucker : [toasts]  To Subcommander T'Pol.

  Lt. Reed : Awfully nice.

• Subcommander T'Pol : Commander, are you feeling alright?

  Commander Tucker : People are gossiping T'Pol. Malcolm thinks we are doing more than neural pressure.

  Subcommander T'Pol : We are both senior officers. If we were pursuing a romantic relationship, it wouldn't be Lieutenant Reed's concern, would it?

  Commander Tucker : I suppose not.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Shall we continue?

• Subcommander T'Pol : How are your parents?

  Commander Tucker : They're... fine. They moved into a new house in Mississippi. It's not like the old place in Panama City, but it's pretty nice. Why do you ask?

  Subcommander T'Pol : You haven't spoken of them recently.

  Commander Tucker : There hasn't been a lot of time to catch up.

  Subcommander T'Pol : You also haven't joined us at the Captain's table since we left earth.

  Commander Tucker : What are you trying to say?

  Subcommander T'Pol : You've been avoiding me.

  Commander Tucker : Well, maybe I have. You've got to admit it's a little awkward. You're married. I know you did it to help your mother, but it's going to take me a little while to adjust.

  Subcommander T'Pol : I'm still adjusting to it myself.

  Commander Tucker : This is going to sound strange, but as tough as it was watching you go through the ceremony, I was proud of you for what you did. I guess it's for the best.

  Subcommander T'Pol : What do you mean?

  Commander Tucker : Come on. It's not like we would have made the ideal couple... a Vulcan and a human? Romeo and Juliet probably stood a better chance.

• Commander Tucker : Well this isn't what I expected.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Meaning?

  Commander Tucker : Well it's beautiful.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Vulcans appreciate beauty.

  Commander Tucker : [Walks around her]  Well you always were a snazzy dresser.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Commander Tucker, I suggest...

  [T'Pol's mother T'Les walks up behind them] 

  Subcommander T'Pol : Mother I didn't expect you home so early.

• T'Les : Have you informed T'Pol?

  Commander Tucker : Informed her of what?

  T'Les : You're in love with her.

• Commander Tucker : [seeing T'Pol in her brial gown]  You look amazing.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Thank you for coming.

  Commander Tucker : Wouldn't have missed it for the world.

  [He goes to leave, she stops him for a second to give him a kiss on the cheek and walks away] 

• Commander Tucker : You're supposed to be resting.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Dr. Phlox says I can resume my duties this afternoon.

  Commander Tucker : I'm glad they got that thing off with no problem.

  Subcommander T'Pol : There's a slight ringing in my left ear, but it should dissipate over time.

  Commander Tucker : Well, I'll let you get back to that.

  [He turns to leave] 

  Subcommander T'Pol : Vulcans don't have honeymoons.

  [He comes back] 

  Subcommander T'Pol : After the ceremony I went to Mt. Seleya to meditate

  [clears throat] 

  Subcommander T'Pol : ... alone.

  Commander Tucker : It's none of my business anyway.

• Dr. Arik Soong : [to T'Pol]  Sorry about that business with the Orions, I hope you wern't permanently injured.

  Commander Tucker : Why don't you stay focused on what you are doing.

  Dr. Arik Soong : Ooh! Someone's a little protective of Commander T'Pol.

  Commander Tucker : I just don't like you very much.

• Captain Archer : You missed T'Pol's latest battle with chopsticks.

  Commander Tucker : Darn. Dinner and a show.

• Commander Tucker : How many warning shots do Vulcans usually fire?

  Vulcan Ambassador Soval : None.

• Lt. Reed : I've also been working on a new alert signal. Tell me what you think.

  [pushes button, and a highly annoying sound goes off] 

  Lt. Reed : Or this one?

  [pushes another button, another irritating sound] 

  Commander Tucker : [looks highly annoyed, then deactivates sound] 

  Lt. Reed : Which one do you prefer?

  Commander Tucker : For what?

  Lt. Reed : A tactical alert!

  Commander Tucker : They both sound like a bag full of cats!

  Lt. Reed : Well, they were designed to get your attention!

• [the crew is watching a detective movie from the '40s in the mess hall] 

  Dr. Phlox : Something tells me we haven't seen the last of the detective with the bow tie.

  Commander Tucker : No, he died in a house fire.

  Dr. Phlox : Ah, did he? The autopsy was inconclusive. I wouldn't be surprised if the body belonged to the delivery man. With the strange limp. You never did see him leave the house.

  Commander Tucker : What about the gardener? He was there too.

  Dr. Phlox : Too tall. Even the primitive forensics of the mid-20th century would have determined that.

  Subcommander T'Pol : [annoyed by the distraction]  Perhaps we should watch and find out.

  Commander Tucker : Part of the fun of a mystery is trying to solve it before it ends, using logic. You of all people should appreciate that.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Then use logic more quietly.

• Commander Tucker : [about flying the alien vessel]  How difficult can it be? Up, down, forward, reverse. I'll figure it out.

• Commander Tucker : [to a Klingon]  You tell 'em, big guy.

• Ensign Hoshi Sato : Maybe it's a log. What do you think?

  Commander Tucker : Beats me. Could be a laundry list... or instructions on how to conquer the universe?

• Commander Tucker : Someone hasn't been taking very good care of my engines.

  Subcommander T'Pol : Speak with the Klingons.

• Commander Tucker : I'm gonna have to put you up on report.

  Lt. Reed : I saved your life.

  Commander Tucker : You disobeyed a direct order.

  Lt. Reed : If you put that in my file, it will be years before I am up for a pro...

  [notices Trip is laughing] 

  Lt. Reed : You're pulling my leg.

  Commander Tucker : [can't stop laughing]  Malcolm, you're just so easy.

• Commander Tucker : A single ship on a dark planet? Maybe they're on their honeymoon.

• Vulcan Captain : Captain Archer?

  Commander Tucker : Yes?

  [long pause] 

  Commander Tucker : Is there a problem?

  Vulcan Captain : You seem very young for a Starfleet captain.

  Commander Tucker : Healthy living. You have a message from Admiral Forrest?

  Vulcan Captain : I'm not certain what this means but Admiral Forrest asked me to inform you that "Cal beat Stanford seven to three."

  Commander Tucker : I'll be sure to tell him.

  Vulcan Captain : Tell who?

  Commander Tucker : I'm afraid it's confidential. Thank you for relaying the message. Archer out.

• Travis Mayweather : [Trip slips on some loose rocks]  Commander, are you all right?

  Commander Tucker : Just testing the rope.

• Commander Tucker : [Commander Tucker is having trouble with the computer at an alien repair station]  Where can someone go to file a grievance around here?

• Dr. Phlox : When was the last time you slept?

  Commander Tucker : T'Pol tattling on me?

  Dr. Phlox : She's worried about you.

  Commander Tucker : I appreciate that, but I'm holding this ship together with spit and bailing wire.

  Dr. Phlox : Six hours.

  Commander Tucker : Two.

  Dr. Phlox : Four.

  Commander Tucker : Done. And remind me never to buy a car from you.

• Commander Tucker : Grandma taught me never to judge a species by their eating habits.

• Commander Tucker : Malcolm's got this rule; you have to be taller than a gun to use it.

• [Tucker informs the Vulcans that Captain Archer and T'Pol have been kidnapped] 

  Vulcan Captain : How do you know this?

  Commander Tucker : I don't know, maybe it was the ransom demand we just received.

• Commander Tucker : [to T'Pol as Sim]  The thing is this is not just some highschool crush, that was two days ago. You're all I think about and what drives me crazy is I don't know if these are my feelings or his.

• [they are on an alien vessel which is blowing up all around them] 

  Commander Tucker : You did all this with just a phase pistol?

  Lt. Reed : You're good at building things, I'm good at blowing them up.

• [Malcolm has just awoken from a fantasy about T'Pol] 

  Lt. Reed : What's that?

  Commander Tucker : I got the receiver working but the transmitter's a lost cause. Who's Stinky?

  Lt. Reed : I beg your pardon?

  Commander Tucker : You were talking in your sleep. Kept calling for some guy named Stinky.

• Commander Tucker : I don't want to be responsible for giving the crew... the runs.

• Kaitaama : Is your entire species so ill mannered?

  Commander Tucker : Nope. Just me.

• [while in the escape pod, Trip tastes the food Kaitaama discovered in a storage locker] 

  Kaitaama : Is it edible?

  Commander Tucker : Depends how hungry you are.

• Commander Tucker : [in the Mirror Universe]  I've absorbed enough delta rays to guarantee my grandchildren glow-in-the-dark.

• Dr. Phlox : That's it, time's up!

  Commander Tucker : It sure is.

• [a Vulcan captain abruptly cuts off transmission] 

  Commander Tucker : I'm getting real sick of being cut off.

• Commander Tucker : It'll be nice to have a first contact where no-one's thinking about charging weapons.

• [Subcommander T'Pol is leaving the Enterprise] 

  Commander Tucker : You're gonna miss her, aren't you?

  Captain Archer : When they first assigned her, I felt like strangling Soval.

  Commander Tucker : She does kinda grow on you.

• [Archer is obsessed with writing a preface for the biography of his father, and recites the first page to Cmr. Tucker] 

  Captain Archer : What do you think?

  Commander Tucker : Sounds good.

  Captain Archer : Let me read you the rest.

  Commander Tucker : I really need to get to work on this.

  Captain Archer : It's just a few more pages!

  Commander Tucker : How many more?

  Captain Archer : Nineteen.

  Commander Tucker : *Nineteen*? Are you writing the preface or the book?

  Captain Archer : [agitated]  I've got a lot to say!

  Commander Tucker : No kidding!

  Captain Archer : [agitated]  What's that supposed to mean?

  Commander Tucker : If I may, sir... it's a little long-winded.

  Captain Archer : [highly insulted]  You're lucky you're a decent engineer, because you obviously don't know anything about writing!

  Commander Tucker : [agitated]  I'm not the only one!

• [Archer, Tucker and Reed are highly agitated from a nearby radiation source] 

  Commander Tucker : [showing Archer his schematics for the new Captain's chair]  You might want to see this, sir! Interactive status displays, secondary helm control. It's even got inertial micro-dampers. The ship could be shakin' apart and you'd hardly feel a thing!

  Lt. Reed : [frustrated]  You ignored a Tactical Alert for this?

  Commander Tucker : [ignores Reed]  I want to run some colours by you for the head rest.

  Lt. Reed : This is all a big joke to you!

  Commander Tucker : [to Reed]  Give it a rest!

  Lt. Reed : This isn't a bloody pleasure cruise! Without proper discipline on this ship, this mission is doomed!

  Commander Tucker : [highly annoyed]  Why don't you play soldier somewhere else?

  Lt. Reed : [with suppressed anger]  If this were a military situation, you'd be taken out and shot!

  [Tucker and Reed start fighting] 

  Captain Archer : Hey!

  [he breaks them apart, then slams Tucker against the wall.] 

  Captain Archer : I don't care what colour the headrest is, or whether it can serve me ice-tea! I just want to sit when I'm on duty!

  [releases Tucker, then slams Reed against the wall.] 

  Captain Archer : And if I hear that alarm one more time, I may have *you* taken out and shot!

  [releases Reed, then turns to T'Pol.] 

  Captain Archer : Unless there's a *real* emergency, like a reactor breach, I don't want to be disturbed!

• Captain Archer : Remember that proto-star we ran across last week?

  Commander Tucker : Yeah.

  Captain Archer : I'm not seeing it here.

  [indicating a Vulcan star chart] 

  Commander Tucker : Are you saying those Vulcan star charts aren't all that accurate? Well, if that's true, good luck getting them to admit it.

• [Archer wants to visit the Vulcan monastery at P'Jem] 

  Captain Archer : How d'you think they'd feel about a visit?

  Subcommander T'Pol : P'Jem is a place of quiet contemplation, captain. I'm not certain we'd be welcome.

  Commander Tucker : It's because Vulcans think we smell bad, isn't it?

• Commander Tucker : [to a Vulcan]  For people without emotion, you sure have a flair for the dramatic.

• Commander Tucker : It can laugh all it wants, the galaxy's not getting any of our bourbon.

• [to an alien computer] 

  Commander Tucker : On my world we have a saying "the customer's always right." Maybe you should make that part of your programming.