Hollow Gate

I know it's a long shot but in case you're desperately looking for the most retarded movie ever made…. this is it! Hollow Gate represents EVERYTHING that went wrong with the horror business during the 80's. There's not even a slight attempt to bring depth, character drawing or tension and the whole film is just a series of ineptness. Hollow Gate tells the heart-breaking plot of a young boy whose daddy wasn't capable of loving. Awwww… During a stupid Halloween party, daddy humiliates little Mark Walters and 10 years later he goes berserk on Halloween's eve. Dressed in ridiculous (not necessarily Halloween-related) costumes, he slaughters some of the most stupid teenagers you've ever seen while the local cops are outside his fence, chatting about how deranged he is. Words fail to describe how awful this movie is. I hope everyone involved in this production is still too embarrassed to leave his/her house. Rating 10 out of 10 for being so painfully hilarious. Rating 0 out of 10 for wasting yet another hour and a half of my (not-so) precious life.

Alright, fine. "Incredible" is a bit of a stretch. Terrible, on the other hand, pretty much tells the entire story, here. In its defense, I have most certainly seen worse. Not a helluva lot worse, mind you, and not too terribly often. Although, Hollow Gate is really, very quite terrible, I didn't find it to be unwatchable, and it an't event that boring. And, at times, this movie even makes a little sense... A little.

Alright, fine. So, this completely random obscurity makes no sense whatsoever. But sometimes that's the appeal. Although, if this one made any less sense, I don't think I could stand it. So, we begin at a Halloween party where an apple-bobbing contest is being held. Mark sucks at it, and his drunk step-dad is about to let him know exactly how much pride he takes in this activity. Berating the poor little fellow, and basically trying to drown him. Fast forward ten Halloweens later, and a traumatized Mark is now working at a gas-station, and a couple pull up, and make it their business to berate this ticking time-bomb just enough to get themselves blown up. I guess Mark got away with it, because now the timeline in set two more Halloweens later, and a chick whom Mark has taken a shining to makes it clear exactly how disgusting she finds him. Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what happens to her. Time for Mark to go away for a while. I guess he eventually gets out, because now, on God knows how many more Halloweens later, the actual story begins. So, now this guy is looking to slaughter a bunch of irritating teenagers, for pretty much no reason. I guess he's gone off the deep end to the point that he no longer needs a reason. Kinda like Michael Myers... uhm, without the mask. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I forget to mention that this was shot on video? Yeah, I know. I was shocked too. Hollow Gate isn't so much like other s.o.v's from the same era, such as Cannibal Campout, or Blood Lake. This one reminds me more of something like Troll 2. If you haven't seen that one, see it, now. Nevermind this one, just see Troll 2. As for Hollow Gate, if you have a thing for the most obscure of 80's s.o.v. schlock, and have an unlimited amount of patience for ineptness, as well as many, many other flaws, then you just might not hate this movie. Actually, come to think of it, I love obscure Horror, and I have plenty of patience for ineptness, yet I still kinda hate Hollow Gate. 4/10

I for one thing am glad to not found this movie anywhere else besides Video Update. This 'is' in my opinion the worst movie ever made. The plot is about a young boy almost getting drowned one night by his drunken father, almost is the key-word. And that is about the only time we ever heared about his father doing anything else. Alright, I know people who grew up having beatings every night of their youth lives, and became something other than a homicidal maniac.

Out of 10- 0!

I find myself writing this review a day after viewing, not because it inspired me so much I couldn't wait, but because if I leave it much longer the film is pretty much guaranteed to vacate my memory. A quivering slab of SOV junk that neither glistens with home movie crapulence nor captures any genuine freakishness or gruesome laughs, Hollow Gate is pretty far from memorable, though it does at least carve out a more or less bearable path for its 87 minutes or so. We have the sad tale of Mark Nelson here, humiliated by his boozy step dad and thusly bound for insanity and subsequent murder, it's a message film clothed in the inimitable rags of 80's video technology. Child mockery makes for ticking time bombs, unwatched cars may be set to explode, unwatched pills may remain untaken, even with assurances that they have been. Be nice, be attentive, writer/director Ray Di Zazzo seems to say. Or maybe not, but you can never tell. Anyhoo, this is worse than average for a late 80's slasher, witless padding by idiot cops bulks out a pretty thin set up, there are only 4 kids about for the offing in the bulk of the film and the blood and gore is very thin on the ground. At least Addison Randall conjures up some enthusiastic unhingement to make up for being utterly unscary, while the two ladies in peril of the film are easy enough on the eye. Randall seemed to pop up in a fair few straight to video roles, though of the aforementioned womenfolk the most interesting sounding later film role is Katrina Alexy being "Head in a Bowl" in the likely never seen by anybody short film Oatmeal. Achievement! Best (or worst, depending on how you look at these things) for acting in this one is Richard Dry, who perhaps anticipating never appearing in anything else builds up a head of steam before really blowing loose the last stages of the film. His madly profane panic and acclamations of love to his girlfriend carry a remarkable energy, almost as if his very life depended on it, and its an almost awesome thing to behold. There isn't much reason to watch this one altogether, I wouldn't recommend it. Inane killer, daft costumes (though his soldier scene is pretty funny) little violence, this is something of a failure, of interest only to the real geeks out there. Dig in if you feel you must and you might not get burned too bad, but there are still tons of worthwhile obscure slashers out there that you likely haven't seen, so try them instead.

Hollow Gate is the cinematic equivalent of a supermarket meal deal: not terrible, vaguely satisfying, but you'll forget about it by dessert. The story, while sturdy enough to prop up its 90-minute runtime, feels like it's been scrawled on the back of a cocktail napkin. It's a shame because, with a bit more seasoning, this could've been a genuinely tense psychological thriller. Instead, it plays out like Psycho performed by a community theatre group auditioning for Scooby-Doo.

The direction, to its credit, keeps things ticking along nicely. There's a faint heartbeat of tension, but any attempts at atmosphere fizzle out like a faulty smoke machine at a haunted house. And then there's the killer-less Hannibal Lecter, more panto villain. His over-the-top performance is less chilling and more like he's auditioning for a guest spot on The Muppet Show.

That said, it's not all bad. The film is mildly entertaining and doesn't overstay its welcome, making it the perfect choice for a lazy evening when your brain's in power-saving mode. But if you're looking for genuine dread or thrills, you'll find Hollow Gate more hollow than haunting.