FAQ

You say things aren't going well You're halfway to hell, You've lost everything that counts. Gone is your spouse...and maybe the house... All you haven't lost are pounds. The kids are bawling, creditors calling, When did life become this curse? The car won't run, your days seem done, Could things ever get worse?

Chorus: But then there's Oprah, Phil and Sally and Jerry Springer too A little dose of a Talk Show Host You won't seem quite as blue. 'Cause if that's the world, or part of it, Where Madam's are sometimes Sir's You'll quit complaining things could be worse Those calamities could be yours.

I...mean...that... Stuff on there will raise your hair, you'll do a double take. Like a pretty John with high heels on out looking for a date, Or that big bald headed woman... With a tattoo on her face, Who swears she was abducted by a man from outer space

Now I know your lover left you, With who you thought was your best friend And the dog you taught to fetch a ball Just bit you in your rear end. But remember that guy on Springer Who cried and fought and swore That last week he talked to Elvis at A Memphis Walmart store.

Well, the dog bite, it'll heal. And the hurt'n, it's just a cut. And the lover who left you Well, it's best that he did, He'll probably wind up on his butt. So give thanks for life Even when it's not the best, You see, there's always worse... You could be a Talk Show Guest!