Liar Liar (1997)

Mitchell Ryan: Mr. Allan

Photos 

Quotes 

• [about Mr. Allen] 

  Miranda : Well, what do you think of him?

  Fletcher Reede : He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking.

  [a moment passes and Mr. Allen starts laughing. The other board members follow his lead and start laughing also] 

  Mr. Allen : That's the funniest damn thing I've ever heard. You're a real card, Reede. I love a good roast! Do Simmons!

  Fletcher Reede : Simmons is old! He should've been out of the game years ago but he can't stay home because he hates his wife! You've met her at the Christmas parties. She's the one that gets plastered and calls him a retard! And you, Tom, you're the biggest brown-nose I've ever seen! You've got your head so far up Mr. Allen's ass, I can't tell where you end and he begins!

  Mr. Allen : [roaring with laughter]  Priceless!

  [Fletcher continues with every member] 

  Fletcher Reede : You have bad breath caused by gingivitis. You couldn't get a porn star off. Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway. I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it alive. Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate!

  [to Miranda] 

  Fletcher Reede : SLUT!

  Mr. Allen : I like your style, Reede! That's just what this stuffy company needs - a little irreverence!

  Fletcher Reede : Good! I'll see you later, dick-head!

  Mr. Allen : [Adressing one of his board members]  Keep your eye on that boy, dick-head!

• Mr. Allen : [Fletcher is shaken by the court ruling and seeing Samantha Cole pull her children away from their father, and Mr. Allen congratulating him on his performance doesn't help]  I love children! They give you so much leverage in a case like this. You did an incredible job, partner.

  [Mr. Allen holds out his hand and Fletcher reluctantly shakes it. Mr. Allen misinterprets Fletcher's speechlessness for pleasant surprise and chuckles at Miranda] 

  Mr. Allen : Look at him. He's stunned; he can't believe it!

  [Appalled at both himself and Mr. Allen, Fletcher breaks off the handshake and looks at his bosses in disgust] 

  Fletcher Reede : Your Honor, may I please approach the bench?

  Judge Marshall Stevens : We're adjourned, Mr. Reede.

  Fletcher Reede : Your Honor, I think we've made a big mistake.

  Judge Marshall Stevens : Mr. Reede, I am tired and very cranky.

  Fletcher Reede : I know, but this is just... WRONG, isn't it? I manipulated the system! Just because you bought it doesn't mean I'm right. It's a technicality!

  Judge Marshall Stevens : Young man, having my judgement mocked in my own court is NOT something I'm prepared to tolerate!

  Fletcher Reede : Well, maybe you can tell that to the kids when they're adopted by the Manson family!

  Judge Marshall Stevens : [angered]  One more word outta you, Mr. Reede, and I'll hold you in contempt!

  Fletcher Reede : I HOLD MYSELF IN CONTEMPT! Why should YOU be any different?

  Judge Marshall Stevens : Bailiff, take him away!

  Fletcher Reede : [points to Mr. Cole]  This man is a good father!

  [glares at Miranda and Mr. Allen] 

  Fletcher Reede : And children are not leverage!

  [as the bailiff manhandles him out of court] 

  Fletcher Reede : Oh, no, don't do this! l have a date to play ball with my son! I can't be late! It's my last chance! I'm Jose Canseco! I'm Jose Canseco!