If you rented this movie thinking there would be some reference to Ice T's metal experimentation Body Count, then you're an idiot. Actually you're cool for liking the group, but you're still an idiot for renting this. I saw it on cable and for some reason sat through the whole thing.
Alyssa Milano plays the girlfriend to a rich kid, whom she accompanies to his rich a-hole parents' mansion out in the boondocks. Quickly we learn that her boyfriend is free from all the influences he grew up with. We know this because she keeps nagging him to go back to being a teacher. She keeps doing this because well, he makes cute artsy references to things that famous writers like Shaw said. See, all people that carry around cool quotes in their noggins to impress girls with are all smart and should definitely be guiding our youth today. Cuz its so much more damn fulfilling than making money and stuff.
Anyway, we don't get to know the family for very long, cause Tommy "Tiny" Lister and Ice T and their token white boy break in and blow everyone away. Its too bad too, the chief from the show "Chips" was playing the Dad or the Uncle and was drinking scotch and getting hammered. I figured since he'd been working at McD's the past 20 years he would be glad to just be in a movie, even this one. But noooo, he's just in there for Ice T to bust a cap in his highway patrollin' ass.
It seems T and his cross-eyed buddy Tiny are interested in the lame collection of art in the boyfriend's house. That's right, not only is T a cold blooded killa, he also appreciates good art! We also know he's more intellectual than your average killa because he wears glasses.
So Alyssa and her horny-ass boyfriend, (they have sex twice but you don't see jack because Alyssa was beyond that sorta crazy stuff at that point - besides who cares, the hottest place to see her nude is in Bikini magazine before she got her implants, and she still kinda looked like the 16 yr. old Sam from Who's the Boss?) they decide to play John McClane and sneak and hide around the house avoiding Mr. Original Gangsta and Mr. Glazed Eyed Fatty. Alyssa even hides in the AC shaft, I kept expecting her to go "Now I know what a TV dinner feels like!"
Eventually we find out a family member is involved in the whole scheme, and then there is an even lamer twist at the end that I don't want to give away. Mostly because then imdb might not post this, not because its thrilling or anything. If there is anything positive about this flick, I would say the film quality is good, it doesn't have that grainy look of cheap movies. But I guess all they really needed to do was rent that one big house since the whole movie takes place there. And of course Ms. Milano is a damn fine pleasure to watch. Those have to be the sexiest lips I've seen. And we do get to watch her wriggle into that AC shaft - from behind. At least the director had some sense. And of course, Ice T is always fun to watch as long as he's just playing himself, not a stupid art thief. Oh wait never mind.
