Striptease (1996)

Burt Reynolds: Congressman David Dilbeck

Photos 

Quotes 

• Congressman David Dilbeck : [practicing in front of a mirror]  Hello, Erin. My name is Congressman Dilbeck. You are... you're a beauty.

  [Erin enters the salon behind him; Dilbeck turns and stares] 

  Erin Grant : Good evening. I'm Erin Grant.

  [Dilbeck nods dumbly] 

  Erin Grant : [little laugh]  And you must be...

  Congressman David Dilbeck : [stuttering]  Con... Comback Dilbeck. Uh, uh, Con-Congressman, uh, Dildo.

  [laughs nervously] 

  Congressman David Dilbeck : I am... Congressman David Dilbeck. And welcome, welcome.

• Congressman David Dilbeck : You don't know how much I love you. I even sent my man Erb to collect your lint!

  Erin Grant : My *lint*?

  Congressman David Dilbeck : Fresh, hot lint!

  Erin Grant : And what did you do with that fresh, hot lint?

  Congressman David Dilbeck : Well, I'm afraid I made love to it.

• Congressman David Dilbeck : My brain has just turned to shit...

  Chris Rojo : Well hey, that's why you're in Congress!

• Congressman David Dilbeck : I'm about to mount this here filly!

  [Erin pulls out a gun] 

  Congressman David Dilbeck : Maybe not.

• Erin Grant : If I come back tomorrow, can we talk more about my case?

  Congressman David Dilbeck : We can talk about anything you want, long as you're naked.

• Congressman David Dilbeck : See, I just love naked women. It's a character flaw.

• Darrell Grant : Hey, are you that guy from Price is Right?

  Congressman David Dilbeck : No! I'm Congressman David Dilbeck!

  Darrell Grant : Congressman? No shit! Well, I steal wheelchairs, so we got a lot in common.

• Malcolm Moldowsky : This is a major disaster! Major! Unbelievable! Without doubt, the most ludicrous piece of human behavior...

  Congressman David Dilbeck : It's never gonna happen again, Malcolm. I've got it under control. See, I just love naked women. It's a character flaw. And God's testing me now...

  Malcolm Moldowsky : Oh, will you shut up, you idiot!

  Congressman David Dilbeck : You can't talk to me like that. I'm a United States Congressman!

  Malcolm Moldowsky : I can't? When you go psycho in a girlie bar six weeks before the election, what should I call you? Winston Freaking Churchill? It was all I could do to keep Willie Rojo from coming in here and strangling you with his bare, freaking hands!

• Congressman David Dilbeck : Everybody has a bad night, especially if they're under the pressure, like we are, under the public eye of...! Who recognized me?

  Malcolm Moldowsky : His name is Jerry Killian. And he's waiting outside.

  Congressman David Dilbeck : Now?

  Malcolm Moldowsky : Now! We gotta move on this thing before we get eaten alive!

  Congressman David Dilbeck : Move on what? I mean, if this is a shakedown, just get Willie to pay him like he always does. Why drag me into it...?

  Malcolm Moldowsky : Because... it's not about money.

  Congressman David Dilbeck : It's not?

  Malcolm Moldowsky : No. He wants you to persuade Judge Fingerhut to reverse a child custody case, of some stripper.

  Congressman David Dilbeck : Who he's sleeping with? You know, this is disgraceful! This is disgraceful, to have a man, like me, who has to deal with...!

  Malcolm Moldowsky : He's not sleeping with her.

  Congressman David Dilbeck : [stops, uncomprehending]  Well, then why... why does her care?

  Malcolm Moldowsky : Because he's nuts! That's why he's dangerous! I mean, if he was sleeping with her, then I could deal with him, man-to-man, but this is... this is fruitcake love here.

• Congressman David Dilbeck : That doesn't look like a regular visitation, does it Erb?

• Erb Crandal : David...

  [sees Dilbeck's attire] 

  Erb Crandal : Oh, my God! Tell me I'm dreaming. No, no, I cannot believe this! No, no, no, Davey, *no*!

  Congressman David Dilbeck : Is this lint fresh?

  Erb Crandal : Hot out of the Maytag.

  Congressman David Dilbeck : Oh!

  [inhales deeply] 

  Congressman David Dilbeck : You just can't imagine! This is the very essence of that glorious creature!

• Erb Crandal : Why are you all shiny?

  Congressman David Dilbeck : It's Vaseline.

  Erb Crandal : Oh... oh! It's... great, it's Vaseline!

  Congressman David Dilbeck : You've never covered yourself with Vaseline?

  Erb Crandal : No, no, not unless I have third degree burns, no.

  Congressman David Dilbeck : You don't know what you're missing. I've got it all over. It's down in my boots. I can feel it squishing between my toes...

  Erb Crandal : All right. The Young Christians are waiting, so...

  Congressman David Dilbeck : When will I see her?

  Erb Crandal : It's in the works.

  Congressman David Dilbeck : When?

  Erb Crandal : [finally fed up]  It's in the works! Clean yourself up! I did not go into politics to pimp for a twisted old fuck like you! I've had it, Davey. I quit.

  Congressman David Dilbeck : You are such a child.

• Congressman David Dilbeck : [while Erin is stripteasing for him on his private boat and making conversation]  I can't do that!