Happy Gilmore (1996)

Dennis Dugan: Doug Thompson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Shooter McGavin : It's great, the other day one of his fans mooned me. He had Happy written on his ass. HA on the one cheek, and sure enough PPY on the other.

  Doug Thompson : Yeah, people are sure coming around.

  Shooter McGavin : Yeah, everyone's coming around. Well I'm NOT DOUG! This man is destroying golf. I saw two big fat naked bikers, in the woods off seventeen having sex. How am I supposed to chip with that going on? You've got to kick him off the tour.

  Doug Thompson : He's not breaking any rules, and until he does...

  Shooter McGavin : But he's a disgrace to the game!

  Doug Thompson : You may be right. But, our ratings are up and we're attracting new, youthful sponsors. Sorry Shooter, there's nothing I can do.

• [Happy walks into Doug Thompson's office] 

  Doug Thompson : There you are.

  Shooter McGavin : Hey! Happy Gilmore, come on down!

  Doug Thompson : Thank you, Shooter. Sit down, Mr. Gilmore. So you had a fight with a game show host on national TV. I don't consider that entertainment. This is not hockey, Mr. Gilmore, no matter how much you want it to be.

  Happy Gilmore : Look, I know that and I'm sorry, all right? But it wasn't my fault. There was some guy out there giving me crap, and it took every ounce of my energy not to hit him.

  Shooter McGavin : So you decided to headbud Bob Barker? Uh, who won that fight, anyway?

  Doug Thompson : That's enough, Shooter. Now, the board has taken the following actions: You'll be fined 25,000 dollars and suspended for one month.

  Shooter McGavin , Happy Gilmore : Suspended?

  Happy Gilmore : I gotta play!

  Shooter McGavin : Doug, kick him off the Tour!

  Doug Thompson : Well, the board thinks that might be a little extreme, considering that our ratings today were... the highest that we've ever had.

  Happy Gilmore : Doug, look, my grandmother's house got repossessed. If I can't make some prize money in the next tournament, they could sell it to somebody else.

  Doug Thompson : Well, whoop-dee-doo. Get out.

  [Happy leaves; Virginia follows; Shooter smirks in triumph]