Priscilla Presley: Jane Spencer
Photos
Quotes
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Lt. Frank Drebin : Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane Spencer : He's Caucasian.
Ed Hocken : Caucasian?
Jane Spencer : Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Awfully big moustache.
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[Drebin is suspicious about Dr. Meinheimer]
Lt. Frank Drebin : Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer : Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Meinheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the President?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Why, that's brilliant. That's a lot better than what I came up with.
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[at a bar]
Jane Spencer : Sam, would you play our song, just one more time?
Sam : Of course... DING DONG! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch!
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Dr. Meinheimer : You're thinking about him again, aren't you? What was his name? Frank?
Jane Spencer : Yes.
Dr. Meinheimer : You just can't forget him, can you?
Jane Spencer : Who?
Dr. Meinheimer : Frank!
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Lt. Frank Drebin : [Waiter at Blue Note hands him a drink] I've got one already.
Waiter : It's from the lady.
[Frank looks up. Jane waves at him from across the room]
Ed Hocken : [Frank looks reluctant] Go to her, Frank. Go onnn. I'll see you in the morning.
Lt. Frank Drebin : [Sitting down again after making his way across the room] This is not easy for me to say. I'm lonely, I'm lost, I just want someone to hold, to love.
Jane Spencer : [Interrupting him from a nearby table] Frank... over here.
[Frank looks up and discovers that the table occupied by a man. The man looks at him tersely]
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Jane Spencer : I feel like such a fool. I should have never doubted you.
Lt. Frank Drebin : There, there. You had no way of knowing the man you were dating was a vicious, murdering sociopath.
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Jane Spencer : [after an attempt on her life] Who would want to kill you, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Before tonight? Only the cable company.
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Jane Spencer : Look, Frank, I-I... I know this is awkward, but you're not still obsessed with our relationship, are you?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Obsessed? Who's obsessed? Just because you backed out of the wedding two years ago? I've forgotten all about it. It's ancient history, like the Democratic Party.
Ed Hocken : Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin : He was in tears in church. Crying like a baby.
Ed Hocken : Uh, Frank, get a hold of yourself.
Lt. Frank Drebin : I had to return 13 Cuisinarts.
Ed Hocken : That's enough, Frank, really.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Kept the salad shooter, though.
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Jane Spencer : Oh, Frank, we were no good together. All you ever lived for was your police work.
Lt. Frank Drebin : And you were always busy trying to save the end zone layer.
Jane Spencer : Ozone layer. Frank, you never tried to understand.
Lt. Frank Drebin : How can you say that? I sank every penny I had into buying that 1,000 acres of Brazilian rainforest. Then I had it slashed and burned so we could build our dream house.
Jane Spencer : Frank! How could you be so insensitive?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Insensitive? You think it's easy displacing an entire tribe? You try it sometime.
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Lt. Frank Drebin : You can't let old hurts die, can you? You walk out of my life, no explanation.
Jane Spencer : Didn't you get the letters I sent you?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Every one of them. Didn't open them. Tore them up. Threw them in the fire.
Jane Spencer : Then you didn't get the check for 75,000 that your uncle left you in his will?
Lt. Frank Drebin : [awkwardly changing the subject] Why are you here?
Jane Spencer : I remembered something about the crime. As I was looking out the window, I saw a red van parked across the street.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Red van. Well, thank you. That'll be very helpful. So, you said your piece. You can go now, right?
Jane Spencer : That's not my only reason for being here. Frank, I want us to be friends.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Sure, friends. Bet if I dusted you for prints right now, there'd be your lover boy Quentin Hapsburg's.
Jane Spencer : Oh, you...!
Lt. Frank Drebin : [catching her hand as she moves to slap him] Well, I see a certain kitten still knows how to scratch.
[he catches her other hand, too; a third hand inexplicable pops up from nowhere and slaps him]
Jane Spencer : [he lets her go] I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.
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[Frank meets Jane after a long time]
Lt. Frank Drebin : How are the children?
Jane Spencer : We didn't have any children.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Yes, of course.
Jane Spencer : How was your prostate operation?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Oh, good. Fine. Never been better.
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Ed Hocken : Now, Jane, about this man you saw last night... anything can help.
Jane Spencer : Yes, I-I gave the sketch artist a description.
Lt. Frank Drebin : [seeing the artist drew Jane instead] Uh... Ed? That'll be all, McTigue.
[showing the sketch to Ed]
Lt. Frank Drebin : Why don't we get that other artist, you know, the one who never dates? Lives with those two guys?
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Jane Spencer : Frank, what are you doing here?
Lt. Frank Drebin : I enjoy a good party.
Jane Spencer : Why are you really here, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin : I can sum that up in three words: Quentin Hapsburg. I never liked him from the moment I laid eyes on him. The man is as dirty as a coalminer's underwear in January.
Jane Spencer : Oh, Frank, what's gotten into you? He's a kind, gentle, concerned man who cares about people and is not as suspicious as some people I know.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Oh, yeah? Why don't you ask him what his connection is with the red van you saw the night of the explosion?
Jane Spencer : I don't know what you're talking about.
Lt. Frank Drebin : Well, why don't you ask him if he's pals with a two-bit goon named Hector Savage?
Jane Spencer : Frank, stop it! You're just jealous because another man can give me the understanding that you never could.
Lt. Frank Drebin : I just hope your pal Quentin is watching right now, 'cause I know he'll be jealous.
[shaking her in a humorously-exaggerated violent manner]
Lt. Frank Drebin : And a jealous man always makes the wrong moves. I'm counting on that.
[spinning her, he accidentally tears the skirt of her dress off]
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Jane Spencer : [tugging Frank's arm] Is there no end to your jealousy?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Jane, you're hurting me.
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Jane Spencer : Frank, this is Quentin Hapsburg of Hexagon Oil Company.
Quentin Hapsburg : Pleased to meet you, Mr.?
Lt. Frank Drebin : Drebin. Frank Drebin. I believe I've used some of your rest rooms.
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Lt. Frank Drebin : Does he have any identifying marks? A scar, a mole, a tattoo, webbed toes, a third nostril?
Jane Spencer : Well, he has a birthmark in the shape of Whistler's Mother on his right buttock.
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[Lt. Frank Drebin and Jane Spencer are standing next to a nuclear bomb which is about to explode]
Jane Spencer : Frank, if you're going to be blown to bits, I want to be here with you.
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Lt. Frank Drebin : They'll probably torture him, then kill him.
Jane Spencer : [crying] It's all my fault.
Lt. Frank Drebin : They'll probably start by tearing out his toe nails, then move on to nose hairs.
Jane Spencer : Oh, no!
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Jane Spencer : [singing in the shower] Mmm-mmm, Of the way we were, Mem'ries, Light the corners of my mind, Misty water-colored memories Of the way we were...