Gerry Bamman: Uncle Frank
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Quotes
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[Kevin walks in on Frank singing in the shower and Frank sees him]
Uncle Frank McCallister : Get outta here, you nosey little pervert, or I'm gonna slap you silly!
[Kevin runs away and Frank continues singing]
Uncle Frank McCallister : Ohhh, you're cooookin', Frankie!
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Buzz McCallister : Okay, everybody, calm down! Calm down! Hey, hey! All right, now, if Kevin hadn't have screwed up in the first place again... Then we wouldn't be in this most perfect and huge hotel room with a truck load of all this free stuff. So I think it only fair that Kevin get to open up the first present. And then I'll go, and the rest of you, and so on.
[Tosses a package to Kevin]
Buzz McCallister : Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Kevin McCallister : Thanks, Buzz.
Peter McCallister : [the entire family applauds] Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Uncle Frank McCallister : Okaaay, Kevin! All right, Merry Christmas!
Buzz McCallister : Okay, enough of this gooey sh... Show of emotion. All right, everyone, let's dig in!
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Buzz McCallister : [after making a formal non-pology to the family; whispers to Kevin] Beat that, you little trout sniffer.
Kevin McCallister : [gets up] I'm not sorry. I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me and since he gets away with everything, I let him have it. And since you're all so STUPID to believe his lies, I don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not! Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate, anyway?
[turns to leave]
Kate McCallister : Kevin!
Peter McCallister : Kevin, you walk out of here, you sleep on the third floor.
Fuller McCallister : [gleefully] Yeah, with me.
Kevin McCallister : So what else is new?
Uncle Frank McCallister : You better not wreck my trip, you little sour puss, your dad's paying good money for it.
Kevin McCallister : Oh, wouldn't wanna spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate!
[Exits]
Buzz McCallister : What a troubled young man.
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[Frank snatches a can of Coke out of his son Fuller's hand]
Uncle Frank McCallister : Hey, hey, easy on the fluids pal. The rubber sheets are packed.
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Uncle Frank McCallister : [noticing Kevin is recording him singing in the shower] Get outta here you nosy little pervert, or I'm gonna slap you silly!
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Uncle Frank McCallister : [as the others look at their motel in disgust] Didn't look this bad on our honeymoon.
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Buzz McCallister : [looking at the Christmas tree] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
[turns around to face the family]
Buzz McCallister : I'd like to apologize to my family for whatever displeasure I may have caused you...
Kevin McCallister : What?
Buzz McCallister : My prank was immature and ill-timed.
Uncle Frank McCallister : Immature or not, it was pretty gol-darn hilarious.
[laughs while everyone else glares]
Buzz McCallister : I'd also like to apologize to my brother. Kevin, I'm sorry.
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Uncle Frank McCallister : I know I shouldn't complain about a free trip, but geez, you guys give the worst gol-darn wake up calls!
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Buzz McCallister : [to himself] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
[Turns to face his family]
Buzz McCallister : I'd like to apologize to my family for any inconvenience I may have caused you.
Kevin McCallister : [to himself, in disbelief] What?
Buzz McCallister : My prank was immature and ill-timed.
Uncle Frank McCallister : [laughing] Immature, but it was still pretty Goddarn hilarious.
[Continues laughing]
Buzz McCallister : I'd also like to apologize to my brother: Kevin, I'm sorry.
Kate McCallister : Oh, Buzz, that was very nice.
[the family claps]
Kate McCallister : Kevin, do you have something to say?
Kevin McCallister : [Looking around at his family, staring at him with judging expressions]
Buzz McCallister : [Softly to Kevin] Beat that, you little trout sniffer.
Kevin McCallister : I'm not sorry. I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me. And since he gets away with everything, I'll let him have it. And since you're all so stupid to believe his lies, I don't care if you're idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not. Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?
[Starts to walk away, angry]
Kate McCallister : Kevin!
Peter McCallister : Kevin, you walk outta here and you'll sleep on the 3rd floor.
Fuller McCallister : [In a bratty manner] Yeah, with me.
[Takes a sip from his Coke can]
Kevin McCallister : [Sarcastically] So, what else is new?
Uncle Frank McCallister : You better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss. Your Dad's paying good money for it.
Kevin McCallister : Oh, wouldn't want to spoil you're fun, Mr. Cheapskate.
[Leaves the room, leaving the family in shock]
Buzz McCallister : [In a kiss-up tone] What a troubled young man.