- Rachel: Haven't you ever been in love?
- Satan: I am darkness made visible. I am the Prince of Princes. I once basked in the light of God's love.
- Rachel: Then you must know how we feel.
- Satan: I know how *everyone* feels... and it is not love. It is fear... and vanity.
- Rachel Clark: Are you always open this late?
- Sam: Don't sleep much at my age. Biological fact. Back when I had all the things in the world to do, I had to waste my time sleeping. Now I got the hours, but not much to fill 'em.
- Beer Pitchman: When I come home from a long day in Hell, there's nothing I'd rather reach for than a fire-brewed bottle of Styx Beer. Made from the filthiest waters from our own River Styx. Styx Beer is a third more toxic than any other regular beer. The worst beer - the filthiest beer - the deadliest beer. It's Styx Beer!
- [Making out in a car]
- Rachel: Charlie... Charlie, not in a Ford Pinto.
- Charlie: Just close your eyes and picture a Porsche.
- Beezle: People live, people die...they come down here. I have infinite levels of Hell. What you've seen is nothing, a mere kindergarten. It's so easy for me now. People have lost their willpower, their hope. They think the world is going to come to an end. Wishful thinking. The world will last a long long long long time.
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