- [Telling The Boy the story of "The Continuing Saga of Sod's Law - You Just Can't Win", an idealised but thinly-disguised version of his own life with his wife, "The Princess", who has now left him for a new lover, the owner of the Rover 2000S]
- The Boy: The Princess? Was she there?
- Hiller: Yeah.
- The Boy: The Princess who smoked French cigarettes and was beautiful when she wasn't looking.
- Hiller: We only had one rule. We didn't let anyone in who had a Rover 2000S. 2000 Smegma.
- The Boy: Why?
- Hiller: [bitterly] Because people with Rover 2000 Smegmas live in four-bedroom fake Georgian houses. They marry St Bernard dogs called Darling. And they have nasty little kids in green jumpsuits who come in through the window on a wire and say "Gosh!" and all that sort of thing.
- The Boy: But someone like that, we'd never have let them in. The Princess wouldn't have liked them at all.
- Hiller: No she wouldn't.
- [the bank robbers keep deliberately triggering the alarm. Each time, the security guards come out to investigate. By the fourth time, they are very pissed-off]
- Young Security Guard: I think they've got this alarm set up all wrong - it only warns you if the place is empty!
- Security Sergeant: [on radio] Control? Mobile Alpha Charlie. It's official - it's a fuck-up.
- [the security sergeant is giving instructions to the young security guard who is watching a bank of CCTV monitors]
- Security Sergeant: That's down in the vaults that leads to the strongroom. Your job is to sit here and watch.
- Young Security Guard: There's nothing to watch.
- Security Sergeant: That's exactly how it should be. So if you see anything out of the ordinary, like people moving about, you come and tell me. All right?
- Young Security Guard: All right, Sarge.
- Security Sergeant: [sarcastically] You should pay particular attention to anyone wearing little black masks over their eyes and with sacks marked "Swag"!
- [the Wheelman is driving the getaway car after the robbery and hears on the police radio that the police are getting very close]
- The Wheelman: I used to live round here. Hold tight.
- [he swerves onto a farm track, through some greenhouses and heads towards a fence]
- Guv'nor: [shouts] That's a bloody fence! Christ! Where are we going? You stupid... Where are we going now?
- The Wheelman: [calmly] We can cut through round here, back onto the estate.
- Donkey: [shouts] There's no road. Where is it? There's no road!
- [the Wheelman sees two garages with a narrow gap between them]
- The Wheelman: Shit! These weren't here last year.
- Donkey: [ironically] No? Well they're here now!
- Guv'nor: [shouts] Where are you going, Richie?
- The Wheelman: Trying to get us out of here.
- Guv'nor: [shouts] It won't work!
- [the Wheelman tries to get through the gap, but the car jams, so he reverses and tries again, repeatedly]
- The Peterman: Can we get out!
- The Wheelman: That's what I'm trying to do.
- The Peterman: No, get out and walk.
- Donkey: [explains, as if to an idiot] Look, you don't understand the basic laws of physics. The hole is too small.
- [after many attempts, the Wheelman manages to get the car through the gap]
- Guv'nor: Have you *any* idea where you're going?
- [after narrowly escaping being crushed by an oncoming coach as they overtake a lorry, they arrive at some waste ground]
- The Wheelman: [apologetically] Sorry about the last bit, Guv. Bit untoward.
- Guv'nor: Don't worry, Richie. Anyone else would still be modifying greenhouses. Be lucky, son.
- [the Wheelman walks away and the rest of the gang get into a van]
- Guv'nor: Come on! Let's get this bloody show on the road!
- The Peterman: What about the driver?
- Guv'nor: He's parking the Jag.
- [shot of the Wheelman in a JCB, pushing the car down a bank into a lake to hide it]
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