- [Together in bed, Beverly seducing Howard]
- Howard T. Duck: [flustered] I've got a headache...
- Beverly: And I've got the aspirin!
- Howard T. Duck: Be gentle.
- Howard T. Duck: I've given up trying to assimilate. I've got to get back to my own kind!
- [notices Beverly's behind as he watches her crawl across the top of her bed in her underwear]
- Howard T. Duck: Althoooooough... I HAVE developed a greater appreciation for the female version of the human anatomy... ARROOOOO!
- Beverly: Howard, you really are the worst!
- Howard T. Duck: He-he!
- Beverly: Come on, let's watch David Letterman. Come on!
- [Pats the bed]
- Howard T. Duck: Okie-dookie.
- Beverly: I was worried about you. I missed you.
- Howard T. Duck: Well, sex appeal. Some guys got it - and some guys don't.
- [Howard has escaped]
- Lieutenant Welker: How the hell am I gonna explain a manhunt for a duck?
- Officer Hanson: It's a duck hunt.
- Lieutenant Welker: Ah, yes, please don't, don't, don't start, please, please...
- Howard T. Duck: We've got a saying on my planet. If God intended us to fly, he wouldn't have taken away our wings.
- Beverly: I don't know where you are now, but I hope you're happier there. This world didn't treat you very good, but you saved it, didn't you?
- Dr. Jenning: It feels like something inside me, gnawing at my guts... what's wrong with me?
- Beverly: Well... what did you have for lunch?
- Howard T. Duck: Bev, I am not a real sentimental guy.
- Beverly: No. I bet you were born from a very hard-boiled egg, Duckie.
- State Trooper: I wanna see your license, "Jack"!
- Dr. Jenning: [as the Dark Overlord] I have no license. I am *not* Jack.
- [electrocutes state trooper]
- [Howard and Phil have landed in a pond]
- Howard T. Duck: Philsy, help! Philsy, help me!
- Phil Blumburtt: Never heard of a duck that couldn't swim.
- Howard T. Duck: Shut up and save me!
- Beverly: You got some place to go?
- Howard T. Duck: Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in 'Cleve-Land'.
- Dr. Jenning: In the lab that night, we saw a single feather fall. We weren't aware that the rest of you, Howard, had landed in that alley just two miles away. Any questions?
- Howard T. Duck: Yeah. Where are my pants?
- [Jenning has almost crashed into a diner]
- Howard T. Duck: You think that's funny, Jenning?
- Dr. Jenning: I'm not Jenning anymore! The transformation is complete. I am now... someone else.
- Howard T. Duck: Try telling that to your insurance company.
- Beverly: I'm sorry I'm so nervous. It's just that I've never been around a... Um, I mean, I've never even had any pets or anything, you know. They seem like such a hassle - you know, feeding 'em, cleaning up their little poo-poos, and...
- Howard T. Duck: I'll try to be careful.
- Phil Blumburtt: Howard, in prehistoric times you flew. Fly, Howard! Find your instincts, trust your birdness, FLY!
- [Howard is being strip-searched]
- Howard T. Duck: On my planet, we never say die, we say... NOT MY SHORTS! You perverts!
- Howard T. Duck: No duck is an island. And if fate sent me here to save Earth, then Howard the Duck is ready to fight!
- [Phil Blumburtt hangs into the sea from the bottom of a flying machine as Howard's driving]
- Howard T. Duck: This is no time for watersports!
- Howard T. Duck: What is this place?
- Beverly: Uh... Cleveland?
- Howard T. Duck: Cleve-Land? U-huh. That's a perfect weird name for this planet.
- Lieutenant Welker: [to Howard] You are gonna go play sitting duck in a jail cell.
- Officer Hanson: Lieutenant - what's the charge, sir?
- Lieutenant Welker: Illegal alien!
- Dr. Jenning: [at the diner, as the Dark Overlord] I have disguised my true form, which would be considered... hideous and revolting, here.
- Beverly: Lucky for the people eating.
- [the diner has turned into turmoil]
- Dr. Jenning: [as the Dark Overlord] An evil unlike any you can imagine is about to engulf the Earth.
- Waitress: Oh, no, no, we got fights in here all the time.
- Hostess: I'm sorry, we don't allow pets on the premises.
- Howard T. Duck: Hey! Have a heart! Seeing-eye duck.
- Howard T. Duck: [to Bev] Of all the alleys in the world I could have fallen into that night, why did it have to be yours?
- [Howard, Beverly and Dr. Jenning (aka The Dark Overlord) enter the diner]
- Hostess: [to waiter] This is why I hate the night shift.
- Phil Blumburtt: [working on the ultralight] Did you find the toolbox?
- Howard T. Duck: Yeah, I know why you want a toolbox - you got a screw loose.
- Beverly: Excuse me, are you in charge here?
- Lieutenant Welker: Yeah, why?
- Beverly: Well, I want to know why they're harassing Howard.
- Lieutenant Welker: Who's Howard?
- Beverly: He had nothing to do with it. Howard, Howard is just an innocent, um...
- Lieutenant Welker: "Thing"?
- Beverly: No. Duck.
- Lieutenant Welker: Just an innocent duck?
- [Beverly nods]
- Lieutenant Welker: [to Officer Hanson] No wonder why I'm asking for early retirement.
- Dr. Jenning: I told you, bird-brain, I am not Jenning anymore! I am now one of the Dark Overlords of the Universe.
- Beverly: Hmm, Dark Overlord of the Universe?
- Howard T. Duck: That must be quite a responsibility.
- Dr. Jenning: The world is in great danger.
- Howard T. Duck: Yeah, it certainly is when *you're* out on the highway.
- Dr. Jenning: You are about to make history a second time, my little friend.
- Howard T. Duck: Thanks. But once was plenty.
- Dr. Jenning: It was just a routine procedure, meant to measure the density of the gases that surround Alpha Centauri. However, partway through the experiment, there was a deviation, and, uh... we lost control of the laser spectroscope.
- Howard T. Duck: What do you mean, "lost control"?
- Dr. Jenning: Some unknown force was redirecting the laser beam from its original target, so that it hit your planet instead.
- Howard T. Duck: Hit my planet? How about 'hit my living room'? Talk about an invasion of privacy!
- Wendy: [Message left on answering machine] Hi. It's Wendy. I had this really intense dream last night, Howie. I was running my fingers through your feathers and all of the sudden, oh, well, you better come over tonight and I'll show you what really happened next. Ciao for now, Howie.
- Beverly: I just can't seem to find the right man.
- Howard T. Duck: Maybe it's not a man you should be looking for.
- Beverly: Ah, you think I might find happiness in the animal kingdom, Duckie?
- Howard T. Duck: Like they say, Doll, love's strange. We could always give it a try.
- Beverly: Okay, let's go for it Mr. Macho.
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