- Cheech (singing): Mexican Americans / love education / so they go to night school / and take Spanish / and get a B.
- Cheech: Shit, man, I'm gonna be late for work again. That's the fifth time this week, and it's only Tuesday, man.
- Cheech: [seeing a jar with a yellowish fluid inside] Hey, it's about time man. Hey, what do you got man? Give me some.
- Chong: What?
- Cheech: Give me a drink, man. C'mon man, give me a drink!
- Chong: [Points to jar] Of this?
- Cheech: Yeah!
- Chong: Go ahead man, help yourself!
- Cheech: Wait a minute
- [Sniffs the Jar]
- Cheech: Hey man, that's pee!
- Chong: No kidding.
- Cheech: What are you doing with pee?
- Chong: It's for my probation officer.
- Cheech: Why, does he drink pee?
- Chong: No man, last week I was supposed to bring some in, you know? and I forgot the wash the jar out first. so they see all that mayonnaise floating around in there, and they think I'm on some kind of weird drug again!
- Cheech: [laughing] Alright!
- Chong: And I'm really going to fuck with his mind this time.
- Cheech: Why, what'd you do?
- Chong: I had my sister pee in it.
- Cheech: Yeah?
- Chong: Yeah, and she's pregnant man!
- Guard at the Studio Entrance.: [to Cheech] Hey, Fella, you need a pass.
- Cheech: [Cheech is covered in ashes after the car explosion] Oh, uh... I'm with the Towering Inferno, man.
- Guard at the Studio Entrance.: [to Cheech after leaving in a van] Hey, Fella, your pass?
- Cheech: Pass, oh thanks a lot man.
- [after shifting gasoline that has spilt on their clothes, Chong tries to light a joint]
- Chong: You got a light, man?
- Chong: Huh, oh yeah, here
- [hands him a lighter]
- Chong: Hey I don't think you better light it in here, man.
- Chong: Why?
- Cheech: Ah, these gas fumes, man.
- Chong: Oh man.
- [flicks the lighter]
- Cheech: I don't know.
- [the inside of the car explodes]
- Desk Clerk: [on phone with police] Look, this is the real thing this time! There are two crazies running around tearing the place up! I already told you our location! ERRRGH! Well, what are they doing, walking over here? Look, I think they're Iranians!... okay, thanks very much.
- Cheech: Hey, that's a pretty nice car, man. Better get it back to the circus before they find out it's gone.
- Cheech: Want me to teach you some Spanish, man?
- Chong: Okay.
- Cheech: When you see a friend, you say, hey, how's it going, pendejo?
- Chong: Hey, how's it going, pendecko?
- Cheech: ...yeah, that's close enough.
- Chong: What does that mean, man?
- Cheech: Oh, it means my really good friend.
- Chong: How's it going, pend... Pen... how was that, again?
- Cheech: Pendejo.
- Chong: Pendecko.
- Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza: Cheech! Hey, you old pile of horse shit! How are you? God damn, you got ugly! How ya doing, man?
- Chong: Good, man.
- Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza: I haven't seen you in ten years, man!
- Chong: I'm not Cheech, man.
- Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza: What?
- Chong: I'm Cheech's friend Chong.
- Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza: Oh, hey, Ching! Good to meet you!
- Cheech: [waiting on date to arrive] Man, hurry up, bitch. I got lots of shit to do. Shit. If that bitch doesn't hurry up and get here, I'll have to wait some more.
- Pee-wee Herman: Hey, you guys look a little familiar to me!
- Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza: Hey, you smell kinda familiar.
- Pee-wee Herman: Ha, ha, ha. I'm the comedian. I'll tell the jokes, if you don't mind! If you think it's so easy, why don't you come up here and do it?
- Gloria's Mom: Yeah, go up there and tell a joke!
- Pee-wee Herman: That's right! You come up here and do it!
- Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza: Okay!
- Chong: Yeah, man!
- Pee-wee Herman: Fuck this. I'm going somewhere else. Hey, hey, here!
- [gives Red the finger and storms off]
- Cheech: [32:13] I hope Donna comes pretty soon. And I hope she hasn't eaten yet because I got something for her: tubesteak smothered in underwear.
- Cheech: I'm gonna be late for work again! That's the fifth time this week and it's only Tuesday, man!
- Chong: Why don't you quit that lame job, man?
- Cheech: Hey man, I wish I could, man. 'Cept if I quit, that whole place would fall apart without me. I'm needed there, man. Responsibility is a heavy responsibility, man. Hey I got it! Why don't you get a job, man?
- [Chong gives him a look]
- Cheech: Hey, I'm serious, man! I've had a job for over six weeks now, man!
- Chong: Hey listen, man, I already got a job.
- Cheech: Yeah, what's your job, man? Rollin' dope?
- Chong: Yeah. At least it's steady work, man.
- Cheech: Yeah, it's something you're good at, man. Hey, I'm serious, you're supposed to be selling that dope, not smoking it, man! We haven't even paid for it yet.
- Chong: I'm selling it.
- Cheech: [sarcastically] Yeah, you're selling it, man.
- Chong: Hey man, I sold two lids last night. How's that, man?
- Cheech: Oh yeah? All right, Holmes! Who'd you sell them to?
- Chong: Me.
- Cheech: Oh man, shit man! We're gonna starve to death, man!
- Chong: No, not with me. I'm a good customer!
- Cheech: Oh, man. God dog!
- Chong: Hey, no, I did, man. I got a thing. You know what I'm going to do?
- Cheech: What?
- Chong: I figure it this way: dope's gonna be legal in a few years, okay?
- Cheech: Yeah.
- Chong: Then...
- [awkward pause]
- Chong: like, then I'll be... y'know, it'll be a legitimate job. And all these other dudes who aren't ready for it, they won't know how to do it. Then, like, I'll have a job, man. I'll have a job.
- Cheech: Yeah, yeah. That's good thinking, man. Shit. If you had another brain, it'd die of loneliness, man.
- Cheech: Donna's coming over, man.
- Chong: Who?
- Cheech: Donna! Donna! Get outta here, man!
- Chong: Who?
- Cheech: Donna! You know, from the welfare office, man? With the cha-cha-bingos, man?
- Chong: Well, so what?
- Cheech: Well she's coming over, so I gotta clean up this place. So can you leave?
- Chong: I got nowhere to go!
- Cheech: Well, go see a movie or something, man! There's not a biker movie or Gidget's Gaga Gets Gooey or something that's not playing down at the drive-in or something?
- Mr. Neatnik: I won't stand still for this any longer! I'm not getting any help from the police! I'm not getting any help from our government! I'm just going to call the Board of Health! And they'll just exterminate you and that cockroach you live with! You're dirty and filthy and diseased! We need Dr. Schweitzer and Dr. Salk to come into this neighborhood and Give it one big shot of penicillin! Yes! You animal!
- Cheech: What's green and red and goes 100 miles per hour.
- Gloria's Mom: I don't know.
- Cheech: A frog in a blender.
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Top Gap
By what name was Cheech and Chong's Next Movie (1980) officially released in India in English?
Answer