Death of a Ninja

Wicked mystic Kashin (Mikio Narita) prophesises that the evil Lord Danjo will become ruler if he marries beautiful Lady Ukyo (stunning Noriko Watanabe); with the help of five powerful wizards, Danjo cooks up a love potion that will guarantee his future as Shogun, but makes an enemy of noble ninja Jotaro (Hiroyuki Sanada) in the process.

My copy of The Ninja Wars came as part of a cheap four film Sonny Chiba box set, but Japanese action legend Chiba barely shows his face in this one; not to worry, mind, because the film is still a great way to pass the time, just so long as a sane narrative isn't your primary concern (and I'm guessing it's not, seeing as the film has the word 'ninja' in the title).

The typically bonkers plot throws everything at the audience from supernatural head swapping to an acid-barfing devil wizard to a love potion made from the tears of a virgin; there's also a fair bit of outrageous gore and female nudity (even chubby chasers are catered for), all of which makes the film good for a laugh. However, The Ninja Wars distinguishes itself from many similarly crazy ninja efforts by also being a beautifully crafted piece of cinema.

Director Kôsei Saitôhe doesn't let the fact that his film is madder than a box of frogs prevent him from going all out with the visuals, every frame a work of art: the camera placement, set design, lighting and cinematography are stunning to behold from start to finish, a sword fight that takes place in and around a burning temple being the aesthetic highlight. Even the visual effects are superb.

Towards the end of the film, the plot gradually falls apart, with too much confusion regarding people's identities (a problem that often arises from head swapping), plus a truly deranged finale that supposedly sees love conquering all—by having the two protagonists roast to a crisp on a sacrificial cross while they passionately embrace (I don't know about you, but barbecued lovers isn't my idea of a happy outcome). Muddled ending aside, though, this is pretty damn good.