User reviews

Being a devoted and unconditional Linda Blair fanboy puts you through watching a whole lot of crazy and abominably awful stuff. I learned that via guilty pleasures like "Night Force", "Witchcraft", "Fatal Bond", and now I can add "Night Patrol" to the list as well. How, in Pazuzu's name, did you end up here Linda?

As far as slapstick/24 jokes-per-minute parodies go, there's a mighty good reason why "Night Patrol" isn't appearing in the same lists as films like "Airplane!", "The Naked Gun", "Top Secret", or "Hot Shots!". It simply is not as funny as those. That is not an issue, and you honestly can't expect from director Jackie Kong to be as skilled and gifted as the ZAZ-trio. "Night Patrol" can best be considered as a naughtier, schlockier, and politically incorrect R-rated version of "Police Academy". The script makes fun of every minority group, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or physical disability imaginable, and even traumatizing events like rape are shamelessly mocked.

The biggest risk with these rapid-fire comedies is that many jokes become misfires. "Night Patrol" scores quite bad in this department. For every ingenious and genuinely funny moment, there are approximately 10-12 downright embarrassing jokes. And yet, even the painfully unfunny gags (including every scene with Andrew Dice Clay) didn't bother me much, because this is basically nothing more than harmless and infantile comedy you cannot get offended by. The only thing I regret is that I didn't watch "Night Patrol" when I was 11 years old, as it features everything I wanted to see back then (like boobs, toilet humor, ...)

night patrol is one of the most funniest movies i have ever seen,but the first time i saw it i didn't really like it much. then later on i can't tell you how much i love this movie. almost every scene is tasteless, and i love that. this movie is also a spoof of police movies. it's funnier than police academy. every scene in this movie is wild or tasteless or both, but mostly tasteless.i give it ***1/2 out of ****

If this isn't the worst American film of the 1980s, it might be the worst American film of the century. It is incredibly juvenile, vulgar, crude, and totally unfunny. Every aspect of the film is terrible, from the "acting" to the photography. I know that Pat Paulson was embarrassed by the film, once telling a television interviewer "It wasn't my fault." It was apparently Jackie Chan's fault. In any case, this dud deserves a permanent spot on the Golden Turkey list.

Night Patrol is one sleazy movie. From the opening frames, the attention grabbing sexual and toilet humor are relentless. Though kind of redundant, this film does actually produce some good laughs. This movie is like a very raunchy Airplane. And like those films, they hit you with so many jokes that you can't help but laugh at more than a few of them.

The story deals with a mild-mannered policeman who moonlights as a comedian who wears a bag over his head while telling jokes. This guy is played by someone named Murray Langston who may or may not have been a successful comic at this time. All I got from his routine is that he seems to be reading his jokes straight out of those Truly Tasteless Jokes books that were all the rage in the early 1980s. I recognized a lot of humor from this movie as also being found in those books. Pat Paulsen, also a comic, played his partner on the force. And the guy is physically a dead ringer for former Buffalo Bills coach Marv Levy. Dwarf Billy Barty, Linda Blair(?), and Andrew Dice Clay have smaller parts. The film also wishes to be some type of mystery, as someone pretending to be this "Unknown Comic" is robbing every sleazy bar in L.A.. Is the unknown comic also the robber, or are they planning some big unmasking scene for the film's conclusion that is supposed to be surprising? If you did not guess the second option, then.... I guess it doesn't matter anyway.

Night Patrol would probably best be viewed drunk and with a bunch of rowdy friends. You will probably laugh at it more than you'll plan to, but it is far from classic. There are some very hot women in it, and some good nudity, too. Remember those days when movies had notable nude scenes? This film may jog your memory. And a pretty funny cameo from Pat Morita as a "rape victim" is also found here. 5 of 10 stars.

The Hound.

"Night Patrol" is a stupid and vulgar comedy that made me laugh a couple of times, but I'm not sure why. "Night Patrol" contains some of the most disgusting jokes that I've ever seen. These jokes aren't funny; they're just tasteless. Plus, this movie is a perfect example of just how sloppy filmmaking can get. Jackie Kong, the director of "Night Patrol" has no talent whatsoever. Just think of what Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker ("Airplane!" and "The Naked Gun") or the Farrelly Brothers ("There's Something About Mary" and "Dumb and Dumber") could have done with this material. Stick with "Police Academy", which "Night Patrol" pretty much rips off.

*1/2 (out of four)

Oh my (put your own deity here), was this a bad movie.

Bad in every sense of the word. So bad that even hell dis-owned it. So bad that it makes the spoof movies of the ZAZ (Zucker, Abrahams, Zucker) team variety look like "Battleship Potemkin" or "Gone With the Wind".

There is so much wrong with the movie that a list of what's right with it isn't only shorter - it doesn't exist!

This one's basically a parody of movies like "Police Academy". Did you read what I just read - a PARODY OF A COMEDY!

The cast isn't even good in this one. Though to be sure, this is the only (hopefully) time you'll ever see the Dice-Man share screen time with Pat Paulsen.

The script is full of jokes that they'd find distasteful in the junior high locker room. And it was co-written by Langston - at one time known as "The Unknown Comic". Now I know why he wore the bag: embarrassment.

There is not one honest-to-goodness laugh to be had in this disaster area of a film. None at all. It's like searching the Gobi Desert for a drinking fountain. Trust me, you'll find more laughs in your old home movies.

No stars. "Night Patrol" is the absolute lowest point in color motion picture history. If you know of worse than this, keep it to yourself - I'm emotionally scarred enough already.

Two cops are driving down the street and one of them says to the other, "Look, there's a full moon out tonight." Cut to an apartment window a couple of stories up with someone sticking their ass out of it.

The owner of a recently robbed lesbian bar complains to the police that after robbing them, the suspect asked them if their favorite TV show was... "The Dyke van Dick Show".

That's the kind of movie this is. There are some (I'm really stressing "some") funny jokes and a post "Exorcist" Linda Blair to check out but I can't recommend this one to anyone other than those that thought Police Academy was high brow humor.

RATING: *1/2 out of *****.

This is a schlock masterpiece, and a truly funny film. It is stupid, tasteless, and perverted, and funny as hell. I like this BETTER than Police Acadamy and many of those 80's cop films like that. Sure, it is raunchy and dumb but it is all in good fun. This also has one of the greatest restaurant jokes I have ever seen...the refill gag. If you don't know what I am talking about see this film. A scene that is also hilarious is a scene when random people on the street suddenly break out and sing. Also, the unknown comic is a real laugh...his jokes are not funny, which is why it makes it so funny! Make any sense? The movie is basically about another unknown comic who is ruining the unknown comic's reputation for an unknown reason! And the worst cops ever are sent to bring justice to this Unknown Comic. These cops make Police Academy look good! See this film if you are a fan of schlock, if not, stayyy awayyy...

"Night Patrol" is awful. I'm talking mind-numbingly atrocious. If you are about 12 years old and are highly entertained by farting then you'll love this film. Otherwise, there is nothing redeeming in it whatsoever. Linda Blair? Awful. Pat Morita? Awful. Andrew Dice Clay? Awful. Please, do the world a favor and don't waste a moment of your valuable human life on this horrible film.

"Ridiculous" is a word I use very often. It can mean very good or very bad. In Night Patrol's case, it means both. Night Patrol is RIDICULOUS!! If you are wondering exactly how ridiculous it is, just look at the cast listing- Pat Morita as the rape victim(!) If you are a fan of trashy,low-budget, absolute dreck, this film is a must-see! 10stars/10stars!!

Interesting facts about Night Patrol:

1. Murray Langston's Unknown Comic act IS A REAL ACT in Las Vegas!!

2. On the Linda Blair episode of E!'s True Hollywood Stories, the narrator says, "...And then, in 1984, Linda Blair hit her career all-time-low." They show a scene from Night Patrol!!

3. Sydney Lassick- Cheswick from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, makes a cameo appearance as a peeping Tom!

4. Bill Kirchenbauer- Coach from Just the Ten of Us, makes a cameo appearance as the "fed up Japanese guy."

5. Pat Paulsen (Kent Lane) ran for President of the U.S.!!

Make no mistake, Night Patrol is a mix of juvenile stupidity and toilet humor.

Maybe that's why I liked it so much.

Comedy of this nature doesn't ask much of your brain. Your age and/or sense of humor fills in the blanks. Even years down the road some pretty funny segments stand up. On a shoestring budget and featuring the likes of The Unknown Comic from the 80's (who? Yeah exactly), Pat Paulsen, Linda Blair and a few other familiar faces.

The whole thing isn't trying to be anything it's not. Sure you could say it was riding the coat tails of the 80's Police Academy screwball cop genre, but it does it way cruder and funnier than anything Guttenberg and Co. Ever did. Night Patrol has it's own camp style.

I was pretty young when I first seen this (no surprise there). Now much older it still ranks as one of my favorite comedies. Sure some of it is dated. Some of the material didn't hold up well. There's also some gags I'm sure you couldn't get away with today, but some things are classic shtick. Bodily function jokes, boobs, a The Good, The Bad and The Ugly parody, more boobs, etc. I'm not going to attempt to sell this movie to you. If you like it - you already know why. The humor is raw, crude and lastly funny.

I went to see this movie on the night it was released in LA. While watching it, my friend and I repeated over and over, "It can't get worse." It did! In a theater of over 500 people who started watching, only 5 masochists were there at the end (including my friend and I.) This is a movie of poorly produced puns with one decent joke, which got a laugh more of pain then anything else. I have to assume that anyone who gave this movie a grade higher then a 2 never saw it.

Night Patrol (1984)

** (out of 4)

If you thought POLICE ACADEMY was immature then you haven't seen nothing until you watch this clone. The actual story here is pretty light as a dimwitted police officer (Murray Langston) has to work the night patrol while at the same time playing The Unknown Comic and trying to get his act off the ground. That's pretty much the only story here as we're basically just given raunchy and politically incorrect scenes that are sometimes funny but more times than not just downright stupid. I say downright stupid and that's not necessarily a bad thing because it really does seem like the writers of this thing just sat around trying to think of the worst jokes they could tell and put them in the movie. So many of these jokes are just so bad and so lame yet you still laugh simply because of how bad they are. Why is public hair curly? Wait until you hear the punchline. The entire film has humor that you're only going to find in an 80's movie and this includes a lot of jokes towards gay people and there's even a rape victim sequence, which is just downright weird to say the least and especially once you see who the actual victim is. So, is NIGHT PATROL any good? I really wouldn't call it good but I think it's campy enough to where you should be able to enjoy it. Langston is decent in the lead role and we've got Linda Blair in support as well as Pat Paulsen and Billy Barty. Fans of 80's humor will certainly want to watch this at least once but you've low-level of humor will determine how much you actually enjoy it.

Wretched excuse for a comedy, featuring a nonstop barrage of flatulence gags, gay and lesbian jokes, groan-worthy one-liners and amateurish slapstick. Klutzy Los Angeles patrolman is hot on the case of a masked-by-a-bag criminal, a stand-up comedian whose M.O. is to work the room and then rob it. "Police Academy" wannabe isn't badly-made, and Murray Langston and Linda Blair have nice chemistry, but the toilet humor isn't all that funny because the comic timing is perpetually off. Gives the impression of a group of friends making a movie for their own amusement. The outtakes at the end provide the film with its only bright moments. NO STARS from ****

I recently watched Night Patrol (1984) on Tubi. The storyline follows Melvin, a cop who gets demoted to the night shift. He's also an aspiring comedian, struggling to balance both career paths and seeking advice on what he should do.

Directed by Jackie Kong (Blood Diner), the film stars Linda Blair (The Exorcist), Jack Riley (Spaceballs), Billy Barty (Willow), Pat Morita (The Karate Kid), and Sydney Lassick (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest).

This is one of those movies that has more misses than hits but is still fun to watch. It has a classic 80s vibe and some entertaining cameos. Pat Morita is always enjoyable. The film starts with an awkward arrest scene, but the comedian scenes are hilarious. The bag-head standup and the "marry an ugly woman" jokes were particularly funny. It also features classic 80s nudity, acting, and comedic content.

In conclusion, Night Patrol is a below-average addition to the comedy genre with a fun 80s vibe. I would score this a 4/10 and recommend skipping it.

This is one of those gross-out comedies from the 80's and it's really funny, trust me kiddies. It's what I call "stupid funny" like teen comedies such as Screwballs, Police Academy, The Last American Virgin and other 80's teen-comedies. All you gotta do is get together with some friends who have an appetite for slapstick comedy and laugh at the simplest things and you'll be all set for a "stupid" good time.

If you were around during the early 1980's, you'll probably remember this film. Well, if you didn't go to see it then, why not give it a go now?! It'll take you back for a nostalgic trip to a somewhat simpler time in the world, before the dark times...before the 90's. I'm a bit disappointed to find there were no quotes from the film however. Oh well. My advice to you is buy this film, don't rent it!

I could NOT stop laughing.

Does that mean I have a juvenile sense of humor? I'll try to feel as bad about that as I can.

Great casting. Murray Langston runs off with this one in both roles. And I agree with Michael (Psychotronic Magazine) Weldon. Pat Paulsen can make me laugh with a facial expression.

Billy Barty's gassy chief was a trip too. And Linda Blair was great looking in her semi-serious role.

The best scene was the two gay cops getting their assignment. "Yes, I'm 1 are you 1 too?" "If you're 1 then you must be 4." "I'm 4 whatever he's 4." It was great seeing a pre 'Diceman' Andrew Dice Clay playing basically himself too.

A laugh riot.

I'm not quite sure what the people who rate this as a total turkey were expecting, Schindler's List perhaps? C'mon folks, this is a COMEDY, and, as such, not to be taken so seriously. This movie came out around the same time as the first "Police Academy" movie and is a sort of a lower budget alternative that doesn't take itself too seriously. The humor is completely across the board from no holds barred raunchiness to some of the silly sight gags and campy deadpan humor that would later appear in the "Naked Gun" movies. I'm convinced the primary reason for all the venomous reviews is the politically correct crowd. Let's face it, Andrew Dice Clay (billed here as Andy Clay), who was the devil incarnate in the minds of the PC crowd back in his early 90's comic heyday, makes his film debut in a bit part in this movie. Add to that a healthy dose of humor involving gays (officers 4 and 1), lesbians (meat market saloon), dwarfs (flatulent police chief Billy Barty), blacks (Leroy A Go Go), The French, Prostitutes, etc. and you've got a movie that'll give any PC individual a conniption. The unknown comic's blue humor also features prominently in the film. Linda Blair is cute in her silly role, and the Pat Morita cameo is a hoot as well. Bottom Line; This movie is farcical, dirty, campy, raunchy, goofy, sleazy, or just simply put, FUNNY. If you are rating this poorly, you obviously don't get it. If you are the ultra sensitive type, you have no business watching this movie and/or posting a rating on it.

This was a funny movie without a great deal of subtext. In our world anything which makes us laugh for a moment is a welcome relief.It is certainly not a literature in cinematic form. Neither is it the junk we are subjected to in this day and age. The movie speaks of a time when bangle bracelets and big hair bands ruled the day, and movies like this are not any more crude than the junk which is located on many channels without any warning whatsoever. I laughed at this movie for at least three hours. My husband and I seldom agree on movies but for some reason we can watch and re-watch this movie for hours. It may not be family entertainment, yet it is entertainment none the less.

I don't think anything herein gives away aspects of plot or surprises at all. The greatest police-unknown-comic-bag-man-thunder-peal-comedy-movie comedy you will find anywhere . . . that little fella of a police inspector who farts all the time makes me crack up every time i see this movie . . . and the dude: pat Paulson, God bless him! funneeee: marry an ugly girl, he says. Murray Langston asks: why, suppose she leaves you too. Pat Paulson replies: yeah well "who cares" (edited). something else funny . . . let's see: there's the cock fighting scene . . . with the NUNS!!!!!! bad taste, but funny. And of course there's Edith Hutton and . . . ANDREW DICE CLAY . . .see Night Patrol if you're feeling: blue, green, yellow, purple no matter how you're feeling . . . night patrol is a guaranteed fave!!!! I had Linda Blair inscribe my Exorcist hard-cover first edition w/ NIGHT PATROL . . . i think she loves night patrol, too sentimentally. Night Patrol is SO GOOD!