Blame It on Rio (1984)

Michael Caine: Matthew Hollis

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Quotes 

• Matthew Hollis : Jennifer, about last night...

  Jennifer Lyons : Kiss me first.

  Matthew Hollis : Kiss you? I ought to spank you!

  Jennifer Lyons : Oh, please, and bite me too.

• Matthew : One time a company I worked for transferred me to an island in the Pacific. Fantastic place. I invited my girl to visit me. I sent her a postcard everyday with a single word on each card. I wrote "Found a virgin paradise. It's yours. Matthew." Narturally, they were delivered in the wrong order. The message she got was "Found a virgin. It's paradise. Yours, Matthew." I never heard from her again.

• Matthew Hollis : Last night never happened.

  Jennifer Lyons : I know. I was there when it didn't.

• Matthew Hollis : [knocks on door]  Nicci?

  Nicole Hollis : Go away. This is a recording.

• Eduardo Marques : Hello. Hello.

  Victor Lyons : Hi!

  Eduardo Marques : [his English is not so good.]  How nice. You are buying groceries together. You are, how you say, the Queer Couple?

  Matthew Hollis : [referring to the name of the TV series]  The Odd Couple. Odd.

• Jennifer Lyons : Come on, the beat's wonderful.

  Matthew Hollis : No, it's just that I can't do any kind of dancing where you have to use your body.

• Jennifer Lyons : [about Bernardo]  He's nineteen, is that what you had in mind?

  Matthew Hollis : Nineteen is perfect. I've been nineteen a couple of times myself.

• Matthew Hollis : Wake up Jennifer. You fell asleep. You've been dreaming. You had a very bad dream.

  Jennifer Lyons : That we were making love?

  Matthew Hollis : Probably. Yes! Probably. That was it.

  Jennifer Lyons : How would you know?

  Matthew Hollis : I must have had the same dream, too.

  Jennifer Lyons : Don't feel guilty.

  Matthew Hollis : I don't know what to feel.

  Jennifer Lyons : I'm ready for another dream if you are.

• Victor Lyons : Ah-ha. You got milk all over your whiskers, pussycat. Who was the lucky girl? Where'd you meet her?

  Matthew Hollis : I didn't meet anybody.

  Victor Lyons : Okay, okay, we'll talk at breakfast. I want to know all the details about it. We can start at the bottom if you like.

• Matthew Hollis : It was the night of the wedding.

  Victor Lyons : Romance was in the air.

  Matthew Hollis : Birds. Music. Dancing. Drums. Everything was.

  Victor Lyons : Blame it on Rio, eh?

• Victor Lyons : They smiled. Maybe we should talk to them.

  Matthew Hollis : We can't. They're practically naked.

  Victor Lyons : Try to picture them with clothes on.

• Matthew Hollis : [Jennifer had given him a small Tiki love-god idol on a necklace.]  It was just what I needed: a one-inch god with a two-inch penis.

• Matthew : Sleeping with someone else's wife doesn't count, is that it?

  Victor : At least your wife isn't anybody's daughter.

• Jennifer Lyons : You should wear your hair like this.

  Matthew Hollis : What time is it?

  Jennifer Lyons : About one. I like it like this. Makes you look older.

  Matthew Hollis : [looks at his watch]  It's almost three.

  Jennifer Lyons : Pretend it's one...

• Matthew Hollis : Do you miss me at all?

  Karen Hollis : At all? Yes dear, I miss you at all.

• Jennifer Lyons : Make love to me.

  Matthew Hollis : I'm twenty years older than you.

  Jennifer Lyons : Twenty-eight.

  Matthew Hollis : Twenty-five.

  [Jennifer takes out her retainer. Mathew and Jennifer kiss] 

• Jennifer Lyons : Poor Daddy!

  Matthew Hollis : Oh, yours or Nicole's?

  Jennifer Lyons : Mine.

  Matthew Hollis : Oh, that poor daddy. You can't swing a dead cat around here without hitting a poor daddy.

• Nicole Hollis : She's in love, you know?

  Matthew Hollis : She thinks so.

  Nicole Hollis : If you think so, you are.

• Matthew Hollis : It was, quite simply, the worst night of my life, my embarrassment compounded by the fact that Victor had now slept with two out of the three members of my family.

• Jennifer Lyons : Will you forget me?

  Matthew Hollis : The minute I die.

• Matthew : [about their daughters]  They'll be all right. They're good girls.

  Victor : Yeah. Let's go find some bad ones.

• Matthew Hollis : Maybe we ought to talk about boys.

  Nicole Hollis : Boys?

  Matthew Hollis : Ground rules.

  Jennifer Lyons : That's if we get any boys on the ground.

• Matthew Hollis : I was wrong. You're never too old to be crazy.

• Karen Hollis : Haven't you said that there were times you'd rather be without me?

  Matthew Hollis : Ah, that's only when I'm with you. Most of the time, we're too together. Sometimes, we're so us, I forget what its like just to be me! But, when we're apart, I miss you terribly.

• Matthew Hollis : It's too cold!

  Jennifer Lyons : No it's not. It's not too cold and you're not too old.

• Matthew Hollis : I didn't come to Rio to cheat.

  Victor Lyons : Don't ever use that word. Is tasting life, creating a little magic, is that cheating?

• Matthew Hollis : This is crazy.

  Jennifer Lyons : Crazy wonderful! Crazy's the best!

  Matthew Hollis : I'm too old for crazy. Can't we settle for silly?

• Matthew Hollis : I was just remembering the first time I kissed you. It was at your Christening. Your mother was powdering your bottom - and I said I wanted to be the first man to kiss it. And I leaned over and I did.

  Jennifer Lyons : How dare you drive a tiny baby *wild* with desire.

• Matthew Hollis : It doesn't matter now. But, when you're my age, do you know what I'll be?

  Jennifer Lyons : Dead, I suppose.

  Matthew Hollis : Dead and a half.

• Matthew Hollis : You're not going to leave Jennifer alone here, are you?

  Victor Lyons : Why? You coming with me?

  Matthew Hollis : No. No.

  Victor Lyons : Well, then, you'll babysit. If she misbehaves, I want you to put her over your knee, okay?

• Victor Lyons : What do you want?

  Matthew Hollis : There's no other bed. Bastard.

  Victor Lyons : Prick!

  Matthew Hollis : And to think I said I love you.

  Victor Lyons : To who?

  Matthew Hollis : To you!

• Nicole Hollis : I'm no longer a carnivore. I don't eat anything that's ever had parents.

  Matthew Hollis : We have artichokes, they're orphans.

• Matthew : You only live once, but it does help if you get to be young twice.

• Jennifer Lyons : Are we almost there?

  Matthew Hollis : I don't know. Soon, I think.

  Victor Lyons : You rented a house, you don't know where it is?

  Matthew Hollis : It's soon.

  Victor Lyons : Soon is all you know?

  Matthew Hollis : That's better than later.

• Matthew Hollis : I've always had a problem handling nudity. I like, mind you; but, it is troubling. Anybodies. Even my own. Sometimes, when I'm getting undressed, I almost wish I could leave the room. You know what I mean?

• Victor : [Matthew is about to leave]  You can't.

  Matthew : No, I'll, I'll be back but I have to go first.

• Victor : "Poor bastard", huh? If I ever get my hands on him, I'll beat him to death, that'll unconfuse him.

  Matthew : A beating is not the way, my friend.

  Eduardo Marques : He's right, you know?

  Matthew : Personally, I prefer torture.

• Matthew Hollis : Sao Paolo is where all the work gets down. Where all the fun gets done, is in Rio - which is were my wife Karen and I decided to spend our last vacation. Somehow, I'd never made it there. By all accounts, the most exciting, the most sensuous city in the world. I didn't know if this was actually true; but, after 20 years of marriage, any fantasy helps.

• [first lines] 

  Matthew Hollis : What happened, happened. You just never know.

• Matthew Hollis : Who knows? Maybe the divorce will save the marriage.

• Matthew Hollis : Vacations are full of surprises, to say nothing of virgins.

• Jennifer Lyons : You know what love really is? Its like you swallowed a great big secret. A warm, wonderful secret - that nobody else knows about.

  Matthew Hollis : And that's how it should be.

  Jennifer Lyons : Other times, though, it's more like a song. A song you want to sing at the top of your voice! For everyone to hear!

  Matthew Hollis : A - no. No-no. It's more like a secret. Believe me, its much better as a secret, than a song.

• Matthew Hollis : You have to go.

  Jennifer Lyons : Let me stay. We don't have to make love again. I promise not to get you excited. I'll just bite your neck a little.

  Matthew Hollis : Jennifer.

  Jennifer Lyons : Meanie!

• Matthew Hollis : I'm too old for this. Hiding in front seats like a teenager. Next thing you know my skin will be breaking out.

• Matthew Hollis : Watch it! Those are my balls!

  Victor Lyons : Are you kidding? I couldn't find them with a magnifying glass!

• Matthew Hollis : I just want you to know that I'm not somebody who hangs around schoolyards in a raincoat!

• Victor : I don't know how you can look me in the face.

  Matthew : Which one, Victor? Which face did you have in mind?

• Matthew : Not hitting me feels worse than if you did.

• Matthew : I hope I'm as smart as you are when I get to be your age.

• Jennifer Lyons : That's not your lifeline, that's your heartline.

  Matthew Hollis : Teeny little thing, isn't it?