KIDS Incorporated is what would have happened had the 90210 gang been a kids band in the 80's.
The KIDS were actually a neverending Menudo-style lineup of tweenie-boppers, who performed as the house-band at a Peach Pit style malt-shop/hangout for rugrats. They sashayed across stage in their large, over-sized, neon colored blouses and tight black leggings. They rocked out on their guitars and keyboards, with enough dramatic energy to suggest that they thought the instruments *really* were plugged in, and they *really* were playing them. The KIDS covered our not-so-favorite hits from Casey's Top 40, and we tuned in every week to see which songs they were going to put to a slow torturous death.
KIDS gave us Marta Marerro, before she washed the 20 lbs. of 'L.A. Looks' out of her hair and became pop-goth princess Martika. I prefer the old Martika, in all her satin jacket, giant brooch-wearing, neon leg-warmer glory. She was sassy and saucey and we worshipped her and her Crayola make-up, and we kept hoping her pirouettes would go awry and she'd fly off stage.
And you had to love "The Kid" (no, he was not played by Prince). "The Kid" marched around with attitude and threw shade and impersonated Diana Ross. Luvvem! There was also this dude named Riley, who made way-awesome yogurt-frappe' and seemingly loved steroids. I think he owned or managed the club or something. He helped the KIDS through life-altering crises like:
*Which song should the band do tonite-- "We Got The Beat", "Rhythm Of The Night" or "Gloria?"
*Stacey is like, sooooo tired of being a back-up singer. If she doesn't get to sing lead, like, NOW...she is going to barf out her retainer and go solo!
*Ohmahgawd...there's a leprechaun next to the gelatto machine and he's all like, "Where's me lucky pot-o-gold?" (I loved that episode...the leprechaun was "Isaac", the evil dwarf guy from "Children Of The Corn"!!!)
Damn I miss this show. We hated the KIDS and we loved them too. We sang along with them and then secretly wished the roof would collapse on top of them. The Saturday morning TV universe is a stark, empty void without KIDS intoxicated.
