- [Shipwreck and Snake Eyes are sneaking around a Cobra base]
- Shipwreck: Let's reconnoiter, Snake Eyes, and try not to attract attention. Sure. Who'd notice a wet sailor with a parrot and a silent, masked man with a timber wolf? I think we're in major trouble!
- Cobra Commander: As of now, your little project is deader than disco! Hmmm... Deader than disco... I like that... I would have made a great stand-up comedian.
- [Lady Jaye has beaten Gung Ho at a contest where the loser has to make dinner]
- Stalker: What did you do that for, Lady Jaye? He'll make us eat that homemade Cajun gumbo of his!
- Recondo: Yeah! Last time we used it to fuel the Skystrikers!
- Gung Ho: Gumbo builds muscles! Right, Doc?
- Doc: Well, it's certainly given you a cast-iron stomach!
- Tomax: No! Please don't.
- [Flint heaves Tomax over his head and starts spinning him in the air. Tomax starts spinning on the ground and screaming]
- Xamot: Stop!
- Lady Jaye: What's going on? I didn't even touch him.
- Flint: They must be telepathic. Whenever one of them feels something the other one feels it.
- Serpentor: Know that I am the one you seek! I am the one born to rule, destined to conquer! Let those who fear me follow me. Let those who oppose me die! For I am Serpentor, and this I command!
- Destro: Using the full power of the laser core on Washington could leave us vulnerable to counter-attack!
- Zartan: Nonsense! There is no possible way for G.I. Joe to resist the Weather Dominator!
- Destro: I will not have my opinions questioned by a penny-ante quick-change artist!
- Cobra Commander: What would you have me do with Washington, Destro? Pepper it with spitballs?
- Zartan: The crucial, final fragment of the Weather Dominator, the laser core itself, is now entirely in my possession: a prize which I offer to the highest bidder. G.I. Joe? Cobra? The world belongs to one of you. The one with the greatest bank account!
- Cobra Commander: What are you doing? Advance! Adva...
- [grenade explodes]
- Cobra Commander: Cobra retreat. *Retreat*!
- Zartan: [returning with the explosive gas] Why isn't Cobra Commander here to witness my triumph?
- Baroness: He's being interviewed for TV!
- Cobra Commander: [talking to Hector Ramirez] Then after leading a mutiny at my military academy ...
- [Ramirez is falling asleep]
- Cover Girl: [helping Shipwreck in a bar-room brawl] Figures, Shipwreck! You would be in the sleaziest hole in Hollywood!
- Shipwreck: Aw, shut up and fight!
- Destro: The ion attractor generates forces strong enough to pull down the Aurora Borealis, the ions melt the ice, eventually raising the water level eighty feet around the world. Every coastal city will be flooded! And then with the world in chaos, Cobra strikes!
- Lady Jaye: Brilliant, Destro! I bet you'd take first prize at the science fair!
- Destro: Beware, Lady Jaye! With so sharp a tongue you could cut your own throat!
- Announcer: GI Joe is the codename for America's highly trained special mission force. Its purpose: to defend human freedom against COBRA. A ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world.
- Gung Ho: [jumping on Cobra Commander] Give me!
- Cobra Commander: Get off me, you moron!
- Gung Ho: Give me the disk!
- Lady Jaye: [as she looks at the guys sheepishly out the lady's change room door] Could someone please pass me my pants? I'm a little too big for my britches.
- Shipwreck: I always said you couldn't tell your face from a hole in the ground!
- Cobra Commander: I will not allow such impertinence! Especially from an
- [shouts]
- Cobra Commander: enlisted man!
- Quick Kick: [using clippers to free Lady Jaye from mechanical tenticles; singing] I'm the Barber of Seville!
- Low-Light: You gotta be tougher than that! I'm no wimp any more! I'm a G.I. Joe, and nothing stops a G.I. Joe! Nothing!
- Cover Girl: Sorry, guys! We've got to borrow your Flight Pods and a Rattler to look for our pals.
- Shipwreck: Tell all the starlets I'll be back to sign autographs!
- Cover Girl: Shipwreck!
- Shipwreck: Ah, you're no fun any more!
- Wet Suit: [Leatherneck is doing badly at the shooting range] Next time we're in combat, Leatherneck, remind me to get right in front of you. That'll be the safest place!
- [Talking about Sgt. Slaughter]
- Cobra Commander: That man has the constitutionality of a vending machine.
- Shipwreck: Do you expect me to talk, Cobra?
- Cobra Commander: No. We expect you to fry!
- Shipwreck: I was afraid you'd say that!
- Cobra Commander: I shall be waiting to reward your genius, or to have you beheaded for terminal stupidity! I have spoken.
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