- Charlie Brown: It's stupid to just sit here and admire that little red haired girl from a distance. It's stupid not to get up and go over and talk to her.
- [stands up]
- Charlie Brown: It's really stupid! It's just plain stupid; so why I don't I go over and talk to her?
- [sits down]
- Charlie Brown: Because I'm stupid.
- Charlie Brown: There's nothing like unrequited love to take all the flavor out of a peanut butter sandwich.
- [unable to face the Little Red-Haired Girl, Charlie Brown covers his face up in his lunch bag, and rushes for the entry line when the bell rings. Blinded, he bumps into Lucy]
- Lucy van Pelt: Good grief, Charlie Brown! You're ridiculous!
- Charlie Brown: I can't help it, Lucy! I just can't face the Little Red-Haired Girl... Pretty faces make me nervous.
- Lucy van Pelt: How come *my* face doesn't make you nervous?
- [as Charlie Brown walks off, with Lucy following him]
- Lucy van Pelt: I've noticed you can talk to *me*! *I* have a pretty face! So how come you can talk to me? Wasn't I the Christmas Queen? You haven't answered!
- [Schroeder takes out a bust of Beethoven and puts it on his toy piano]
- Lucy van Pelt: You and your stupid old Beethoven! By golly, I'll show you!
- [Lucy smashes the bust of Beethoven over the piano, destroying them both]
- Lucy van Pelt: There! What do you think of that?
- [Schroeder just walks up to a door, opens it revealing a bunch of toy pianos piled on top of each other and takes one out. He walks up to another door, opens it revealing shelves of Beethoven busts and takes one out, puts them down and resumes practicing]
- Lucy van Pelt: I'll probably never get married.
- [Charlie Brown walks in on Sally practicing her graduation processional in a cap and gown while Pomp and Circumstance plays on a record player]
- Charlie Brown: What's going on here? You look like you're graduating or something!
- Sally Brown: [stops marching and stops the record player] I *am* graduating. I'm practicing for our graduation exercises from kindergarten to the first grade. In fact, I have been selected class valedictorian. Maybe you could help me with my speech.
- [Charlie Brown looks at her rather annoyed]
- Sally Brown: Do you think I should talk upon the role our generation'll play in world affairs?
- [Charlie Brown starts walking away]
- Sally Brown: Or maybe I could discuss... the failure of the present generation to carry out its responsibility!
- [cut to Charlie Brown outside the house exasperated]
- Charlie Brown: Kindergarten. Cap and gown. Graduation. I can't stand it!
- Lucy van Pelt: [to Charlie Brown] Hello, stupid!
- Violet: Yeah, hello, stupid! Boy, were you dumb in school today!
- Lucy van Pelt: You've been dumb before! But today, you were *really* dumb!
- Violet: The teacher asked him why they have so much rain in Oregon.
- Lucy van Pelt: And he said, "Because they have a lot of clouds!"
- [both laugh]
- Charlie Brown: [at Lucy's psychiatric booth] I have a serious problem. There's this little red-haired girl in my class, you see, and...
- Lucy van Pelt: Ha! I know your kind, Charlie Brown! It's men like you that make the world a rough place to live for beautiful girls like me. You men are all alike! You talk a lot of romantic nonsense, but do you ever discuss marriage? No! You're all alike! My Aunt Marian was right! Never discuss marriage with a musician!
- Charlie Brown: Good grief.
- [leaves]
- Lucy van Pelt: You scoundrels are all alike!
- Charlie Brown: Aren't you afraid of what the kids in school might say about that blanket?
- Linus Van Pelt: Do you have a nickel?
- [Charlie Brown takes out a nickel]
- Linus Van Pelt: Flip it into the air.
- [Charlie Brown does so and Linus whips the nickel with his blanket]
- Linus Van Pelt: They don't say very much.
- Charlie Brown: [thinking] Look at that little red-haired girl over there. Ooh, I'd give anything if I could talk with her. Tomorrow's the last day of school! If I don't talk to her today or tomorrow, I'll have to wait clear to next fall! I know what I'll do! I'll write her a note! "Dear Little Red-Haired Girl, How I've longed to meet you..."
- [teacher talks]
- Charlie Brown: [out loud] Yes, ma'am?
- [teacher talks]
- Charlie Brown: My report? Oh, yes, ma'am. I have my report. It's about the mountains and jungles of Africa.
- [Charlie Brown gets out of his desk, but drops his papers causing some giggling among his classmates. He walks to the front of the class with his papers, but drops them, prompting more giggling. As he gets organized, he clears his throat and reads]
- Charlie Brown: "Dear Little Red-Haired Girl, How I've longed to meet you..." AAUGH!
- [the class breaks out in raucous laughter as Charlie Brown saunters back to his desk humiliated]
- Linus Van Pelt: Boy, Charlie Brown, you really made a fool of yourself.
- Charlie Brown: [sarcastically] A comforting word from a friend!
- Linus Van Pelt: Now what?
- Charlie Brown: That little red-haired girl's desk is right by the pencil sharpener. I'll go up there and sharpen my pencil. And while I'm sharpening my pencil, I'll say, "It's a nice day, Little Red-Haired Girl." I'll impress her with my friendliness.
- [Charlie Brown walks over]
- Charlie Brown: [to Lucy] Pencil needs sharpening.
- [to Violet]
- Charlie Brown: Pencil needs sharpening.
- [Charlie Brown goes over to the pencil sharpener and sharpens his pencil down to the tip. Then he walks back to his desk in embarrassment]
- Linus Van Pelt: What happened? What did she say? What did you say? What did she say when you said what you said?
- Charlie Brown: I couldn't say anything.
- [puts his head on the desk]
- Linus Van Pelt: Not only that. You've sharpened your ballpoint pen.
- Charlie Brown: Boy, what a day. This has been the worst day of my life. On a day like this, a person really needs his faithful dog to come running out to greet him.
- [Charlie Brown walks over to Snoopy lying atop his doghouse. Snoopy simply yawns and changes positions]
- Charlie Brown: Linus, why don't you help me? Why don't you slyly try to start a conversation with that little red-haired girl? Without her knowing what you're up to, find out if she's ever noticed me or what she thinks of me. But remember, be sly. Be real sly.
- [Linus walks over, and then comes back]
- Linus Van Pelt: I did it, Charlie Brown. I went up to her and I told her all about how you're madly in love with her, and...
- Charlie Brown: AAUGH!
- Patricia 'Peppermint Patty' Reichardt: [to Charlie Brown, about Snoopy] I still say that shortstop you have is the funniest-looking kid I've ever seen.
- Lucy van Pelt: I'm glad to see you practicing so hard. It's a sign that you really think about the future. What if you and I got married someday, Schroeder, and you became a famous concert pianist. And what if we traveled all over the world while you performed with great orchestras in foreign lands. And what if right at the height of your career, you broke both your arms while skiing and could never play the piano again. And I had to go to work in a laundry to support both of us. Wouldn't that be romantic?
- [Schroeder walks away from his toy piano]
- Lucy van Pelt: Musicians play a lot of love songs, but they really aren't very romantic.
- Lucy van Pelt, Violet: [singing, teasing Charlie Brown] Poor little Charlie Brown, nyah, nyah, nyah! No one could love that frown, nyah, nyah, nyah! Who would love you? No one, that's who! Your face is too darn round, nyah, nyah, nyah! Your face is too darn round!
- Charlie Brown: [picking the petals of a daisy] She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. She...
- Linus Van Pelt: It is difficult for me to believe that a flower has a gift of prophecy.
- [outside the principal's office]
- Charlie Brown: [thinking, quoting the Bible] "Plead my cause, O Lord, with them that strive with me: fight against them that fight against me. Deliver me from the hand of them that persecute me."
- [out loud]
- Charlie Brown: My stomach hurts.
- Charlie Brown: I've made up my mind. Today, I'm going to introduce myself to that Little Red-Haired Girl. I'm going to stand up and I'm going to walk right over to her and I'm going to introduce myself!
- [stands up]
- Charlie Brown: I'm standing up! Now I'm going to walk over there!
- [stands still]
- Charlie Brown: I'm standing up... I'm...
- [sits back down]
- Charlie Brown: I'm sitting down.
- [teacher talks]
- Charlie Brown: Tardy? Uh, well, yes, ma'am.
- [teacher talks]
- Charlie Brown: Do I have an excuse? Well, it all started yesterday, ma'am. It's really a very long story.
- [teacher talks]
- Charlie Brown: Yes, ma'am. I know you're asking why I was late. Well, I was late...
- [yells]
- Charlie Brown: BECAUSE I MISSED THAT STUPID BUS! *THAT'S* WHY!
- [thinks]
- Charlie Brown: Oh, good grief! Now I've done it!
- [the principal talks]
- Charlie Brown: Yes, sir? What am I doing at the window? Well, nothing really. I was told by my teacher to come to your office. You have a nice office. How are you and the PTA getting along?
- [smiles nervously]
- [teacher talks]
- Charlie Brown: Yes, ma'am. Me?
- [teacher talks]
- Charlie Brown: Yes, I have my arithmetic homework done. I have problem seven.
- [whispering to Linus]
- Charlie Brown: This will really impress the Little Red-Haired Girl. Watch me whip through this problem.
- [Charlie Brown walks up to the blackboard and writes a very overcomplicated math formula, the teacher talks]
- Charlie Brown: Yes, ma'am? What am I doing? I don't have the slightest idea.
- [the class once again breaks out into laughter as Charlie Brown once again walks back to his desk in humiliation]
- Charlie Brown: What a day.
- Charlie Brown: [running after the bus after he wakes up at the bus stop] Hey! You there! Bus! Stop! Hey, bus! Stop, bus!