- Milos Hrma: I'm Milos Hrma. I slit my wrists because they said I suffer from premature ejaculation. Actually I wilted like a lily, but I really am a man.
- [first lines]
- Milos Hrma: My name is Milos Hrma. People used to laugh at me, since Hrma means 'mound of Venus.' Still our family was famous. My great-grandfather Lukás was a drummer boy in 1848 and fought in the battle on Charles Bridge in Prague. The students threw cobblestones at the soldiers and broke great-grandpa's leg, so he got a pension out of it. One gulden per day. From then on all he did was buying a bottle of rum and a pouch of tobacco every day.
- Milos Hrma: Great grandfather Lukas instead of staying home he went to see the workers and made fun of hard working men, so every year grandpa Lukas would get beat somewhere. And in 1930 great grandfather boasted in front of stone cutters whose quarry had just been closed and they beat him so badly he died.
- Milos Hrma: I completed my training to be a railroad dispatcher and everyone in town knows my only goal is to keep the family tradition and do nothing except stand around on the platform with a signal disc while they spend their whole lives working themselves to the bone.
- rada Zednícek: The situation of our armies, fighting for the welfare of all the nations of Europe, whether they like it or not, is most favorable.
- [pointing on a map]
- rada Zednícek: Here we've been forced to pull back somewhat, but here our armies have made a tactical retreat from the Baltics. Here we have a marvelous tactical withdrawal from the Dnieper to the Danube. Here a tactical retreat from the Americans into Belgium. And here a masterful tactical maneuver in Italy.
- výpravcí Hubicka: But why?
- rada Zednícek: Good question. Why? Because we're luring our enemies into a trap. Don't you see? Pay close attention. Here we land at the enemy's rear. Here we take the Russians in the Caucasus from Turkey and in Petrograd from Sweden. Here we circumvent the enemy, landing in Sicily, and here at the Americans' rear in France. Then we have them trapped and close in from both sides.
- výpravcí Hubicka: Why?
- rada Zednícek: So that we can all live happily.
- Milos Hrma: Dr. Brabec said I should find an older woman to train me. I thought you might know someone.
- Max: I'm sorry, Milos. You're on your own.
- Milos Hrma: What about your wife?
- Max: Now hold on there. My wife is mine!
- Milos Hrma: No, I just thought maybe she could give me some advice.
- Zdenicka Svatá: We were on night shift together and I was reading. There were no trains and we were bored. So Mr. Hubicka said, "Let's play a game. Everything I name flies, you flap your arms like wings. And if you're wrong, you take something off. A crow flies, a child flies, time flies, trains fly, a soldier flies, seconds fly, death flies, everything flies..."
- rada Zednícek: The noblest blood in Europe is going to the front to fight for peace on your behalf. Putting their lives - and blood - on the line. And how do you show your thanks to the Reich? One puts stamps all over the telegraphist's behind, and the other one slits his wrists over some girl.
- Hrabenka: Morals in our district are declining. The church in Kostelní Lhota has to be reconsecrated. Fornication behind the altarpiece.
- Milos Hrma: My father retired at age 48 as a locomotive engineer. The populace is mad with envy, since he's still healthy and can live off his pension for the next 20 or 30 years without doing a thing.
- výpravcí Hubicka: What a woman! Look at those legs. More like a dream than a woman. If she leaned over me, my whole world would go black.
- rada Zednícek: If anyone at the station neglects their duties they will be sentenced to ten years. In aggravated circumstances, life, or even death. That's all there is to it. A few Czech chauvinists think they can turn back the tide of history, but the Führer means everyone well, including the Czechs, and believes in a Providence that will not forsake us.
- výpravcí Hubicka: I dreamed I was a hand truck and the Countess took hold of my handles and wheeled me into the store room.
- Max: The curse of an erotic century! Armageddon! Pornographers should be put in the dock! Down with monstrous fantasies of today's youth!
- fotograf Noneman, Másin strýc: Move the leg a bit. That's fine. Straighten the back. Yes, that's it. Watch it. That tail is fragile. Let's have a nice smile now, yes? Smile and chest out.
- Milos Hrma: Now I know why your Mom didn't want you to work with your Uncle.
- Mása: He's a lech; but, he's all right.
- Max: A butcher decides to smuggle an udder out of the slaughterhouse, so he puts it in his pants to get it past the guard at the gate.
- Hubicka's Cousin: In his pants? You're killing me.
- Max: In his pants. In his pants. So he takes the tram and the lady sitting next to him looks at him and says: "Sir, there's something sticking out of your pants." So the man takes a knife, cuts off the udder, and says: "That's all right, I've got three more."
- Hubicka's Cousin: [laughs] And the lady?
- Max: She fainted.
- výpravcí Hubicka: These days we tell it a little bit different. Everything's fine: the butcher sneaks the udder out, gets on the tram and takes a seat, and the lady says, "Sir, you've got something sticking out..."
- Hubicka's Cousin: And the butcher takes a knife...
- výpravcí Hubicka: And lops it off.
- Hubicka's Cousin: The lady goes pale.
- výpravcí Hubicka: This time not the lady, but the butcher, who screams, "Jesus Christ, that was the real one."
- Zdenina matka: Look at this, Your Honor. Look how my girl came home from work.
- [lifts Zdenina's dress]
- Zdenina matka: She's the telegraph operator at that same station where Milos Hrma slit his wrists. And this is how she comes home: rear end covered in rubber stamps. Look at that. Nice, huh?
- [the Judge inspects]
- Milos Hrma: So, you see, Doctor, I'm not a real man and I don't want to be. Everything in life is so hard for me and for everyone else it's like child's play. Basically, when it came down to it, I wilted like a lily.
- Dr. Brabec: You're healthy as an ox. Maybe too healthy. When a young man's too healthy he can suffer from premature ejaculation. I had it too. It's just nerves. You're overly sensitive. These are natural, normal things. You need to be matter-of-fact about it.
- Dr. Brabec: Don't think about it too much. Try to think of something else. Like football. Think about football. And find an older, experienced woman who can teach you the right technique when it comes to love.
- Zdenina matka: Good morning, Inspector. Look how my girl came home from work last night. Show him your behind.
- [lifts up Zdenina's dress, displaying ink stamps on her thighs and behind]
- Zdenina matka: I want to file a complaint. Look at this. Hubicka did that to her, on duty. Just look. Can you believe it? Stupid girl, I ought to smack you one for letting him do this to you. I want to file a complaint. I won't stand for it. Look!
- rada Zednícek: Teens barely out of the Hitler Youth are fighting for a new Europe - a better future. And what is your family doing for Europe? Your father lies around on the sofa when he could be serving the Reich. Your grandfather tried to hypnotize the tanks sent to liberate Prague. Germany's youth bleeds on the battlefield while Milos Hrma bleeds into a bordello bathtub. But I'll straighten you out. Do you realize I can have you charged with self-mutilation with intent to avoid service in defense of the Reich?
- strojvudce Kníze: Last night some partisans blew up a closely watched train. Right into the gully, along with the bridge. The main track's blocked now, so all the trains to the front have to pass through here.
- Zdenicka Svatá: I kept losing. First my shoes, then my stockings, then my blouse, my slip, and finally my panties.
- Victoria Freie: Turn out the light. Would you, please? So you've never had a girl before? Really, never?
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content
