- Nora Batty: [angily] What are *you* doing, peering round corners?
- Compo: Sssssh. Not so loud. There's a man assaulting a woman.
- Nora Batty: [terrified] Where? Do something about it!
- Compo: I can't.
- Nora Batty: Why ever not?
- Compo: [cheekily] He's not started yet!
- [Compo tries to grope Nora]
- [Compo has just died]
- Truly: Are we going to see him?
- Norman Clegg: I can see him, fooling about, hands in his pockets, dragging his wellies.
- Truly: Are we going to see him before they close the lid.
- Norman Clegg: Oh, I'm not so sure about that.
- Truly: You'll be sorry. Besides, how often do you get to see something for nothing these days?
- [at Compo's funeral, as "The Last Post" plays in the background, Clegg releases a pigeon called Gladys, with a harmonica strapped to its wings, in memory of Compo]
- Norman Clegg: Mind how you go, Gladys. Best of luck from all us pigeons.
- [the boys are climbing a hill that provides a spectacular view of the surrounding countryside]
- Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: Every time I come up here, the spirit soars! You can't help thinking what a wonderful place it would be to set up a machine gun! Give me a small squad of hand-picked men and I could defend this place indefinitely!
- Norman Clegg: How long have you been a nature lover, Foggy?
- Norman Clegg: Life's easier when the light of passion goes out.
- Compo: When did yours go out?
- Norman Clegg: Oh, I must have been all of twenty-three.
- Nora Batty: Nora, tell me. What does tha see?
- [Compo parades in front of Nora]
- Nora Batty: I see you've got another hole in them trousers.
- Compo: [plaintively] I've neglected her.
- Norman Clegg: Sounds reasonable to me. If *I* had Nora Batty, *I'd* neglect her too.
- [Foggy is trying to get Howard in shape by leaping small walls]
- Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: It's people like you who make this country so rich in idiots.
- [Compo has just hugged Nora Batty]
- Compo: Doesn't tha feel anything?
- Nora Batty: [puzzled] Like what?
- Compo: Attraction. Physical attraction.
- [Nora Batty gives Compo a clip round the ear]
- Compo: [indignantly] What was that for?
- Nora Batty: That's before you start.
- Compo: Eh, you're a bit touchy this morning.
- [talking about Howard]
- Pearl: He's in search of the silent bicycle. It's when they're quiet you know they're up to something.
- Compo: Why d'you think it is they won't let me go?
- Truly: You've *been* shot at. Now it's somebody else's turn.
- Compo: It's because they're ashamed of me. Because I'm scruffy.
- Norman Clegg: I wouldn't say "scruffy". Would you say "scruffy"?
- Truly: Yes, I'd say "scruffy".
- Compo: Norm, does tha think me magnetism could be slipping?
- Norman Clegg: Don't ask me. I was a total failure at romance.
- Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: But you were married.
- Norman Clegg: That's what did it!
- Compo: It's just an ordinary dart.
- Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: It's not an ordinary dart. It's very far from being an ordinary dart. I've prepared it with something to make the creature sleep. Don't worry - I've seen the natives do this in the jungle.
- Norman Clegg: Yeah, but they've got poisons growing in the jungle. What have you got?
- Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: The trained soldier learns to make do with whatever's available. You have to use whatever comes to hand.
- Compo: All right. What is it tha soaks the darts in that's gonna put it to sleep.
- Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: Well, if you must know, it's Horlicks.