The Return of Count Yorga

As far as I can tell, Count Yorga was created to cash in on the then-popular monster frenzy created by DARK SHADOWS. In fact, the actor who plays Count Yorga must think he's in an episode of DARK SHADOWS, delivering his lines with pompous seriousness("I have the power to destroy you (dramatic pause)or let you go," he tells a petrified Mariette Hartley)There isn't much of a plot here: Count Yorga terrorized the faculty and students of a school for hearing impaired children, including teacher Hartley, whom Count Yorga has a yen for. Plots holes are covered by lots of early seventies-era quick cuts and camera angles, which serve more to make the narrative flow unintelligible. As bad as that is, the real horror is seeing Yorga's coterie of female vampires, as low-rent a bunch as you'll come across(which is saying something, since AIP, ultimate purveyors of the quickie horror film, put this out). With their dime store lingerie, plastic Halloween vampire fangs, and hideously teased hair, you fully believe the victims they chase aren't have as much concerned with becoming unwilling members of the undead as they are being seen in the company of these fashion disasters. Flicks like this make me mourn the demise of Mystery Science Theater 3000. So many bad movies like this left to diss, so little time . . .