- Rita Littlewood: Did you ever run away from home?
- Norris Cole: No, I most certainly did not!
- Rita Littlewood: That must have been a great disappointment to your mother!
- [talking about café owner Roy Cropper and his transsexual wife Hayley]
- Blanche Hunt: He's a looney and she's a man.
- [on hearing that Peter and Leanne want their own bar]
- Blanche Hunt: An alcoholic and an arsonist open a bar? Sounds like the start of a joke.
- [talking about Liz McDonald]
- Blanche Hunt: Skirt no bigger than a belt, too much eyeliner, and roots as dark as her soul.
- [talking about café owner Roy Cropper whom she thinks is a bit simple]
- Blanche Hunt: He looks like he should be crayoning summat.
- Peter Barlow: I was drinking to forget.
- Shelley Unwin: Forget what?
- Peter Barlow: I don't know, I've forgotten.
- Mina Parekh: That's very clever to have a little sewing kit in your bag.
- Maya Sharma: Yes, well, you never know when you might want to stitch someone up.
- [at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting]
- Blanche Hunt: I've never heard such self-indulgent whinging in all my life. Is there some correlation between how boring you are and how much you drink?
- [talking about Eileen's father, Colin Grimshaw]
- Blanche Hunt: I'd cut off his whatnots wi' a pair of garden shears, me. The rustier the better.
- Blanche Hunt: [to Ken Barlow] You're going to have to learn to take pleasure in the misfortunes of others, Ken, or you're going to have a very miserable old age.
- Kenneth Barlow: [whole family minus Tracy sees Roy creeping downstairs after Tracy drugged and slept with him] Tea Roy?
- Rita Littlewood: [about Norris's secret book] The hero of his novel has got himself caught up in a menage-a-trois!
- Emily Nugent: Oh, really!
- Rita Littlewood: Emily, you do know what a menage-a-trois is?
- Emily Nugent: I most certainly do!
- Rita Littlewood: Oh. Well, the two women involved in this...
- Emily Nugent: Love triangle?
- Rita Littlewood: Yes. Are a mild-mannered church-goer called Emilia...
- Emily Nugent: [subtly shocked] Oh.
- Rita Littlewood: ...and a racy, Titian temptress called Reeba.
- Emily Nugent: [suspicious] Oh.
- Rita Littlewood: [reading from the novel] "Norris jumped out of the moped as Emilia and Reeba alighted the side-car... "
- Emily Nugent: That's a big side-car!
- Rita Littlewood: "... and hand in hand, the three of them ran barefoot through Chester Zoo. Atop the souvenir kiosk, Reeba belts out a quick rendition of "Paper Moon", whilst Emilia chose this moment - for some solemn prayer."
- Emily Nugent: It's not really a page-turner, is it?
- Rita Littlewood: You wait till you hear what happens in the meercat enclosure!
- Emily Nugent: I like meercats... I've a tea towel with some on - Norris knows that!
- [Blanche, their landlady, is kicking Frankie and Danny out of their house, without notice]
- Frankie Baldwin: You can't do that. It's illegal!
- Blanche Hunt: Then sue me!
- [Blanche slams her front door shut and Frankie looks through the letterbox]
- Frankie Baldwin: You cannot not kick us out of our house, you looney!
- Danny Baldwin: Get up, Frankie. She won't hear you - she's as deaf as a post!
- Blanche Hunt: I heard that!
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