- Headquarters: Turn back! You are being pursued by a multitude of unfriendly Martians who all got A's in arithmetic!
- Ralph Phillips: [Ralph Phillips opens a hut where Africans were in progress of boiling his parents, alive] Boiling parents? I warned you Dackory's.
- Ralph's Father: Doctor Living Son, I presume.
- [spoof of Henry Stanley's historic quote "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" after locating David Livingstone, in Africa, on Friday, October 27th, 1871]
- Ralph Phillips: Ambush me, will you?
- [combat of gunfire and spears thrown]
- Ralph Phillips: I hated to have to have to kill them all... but they had to be taught a lesson.
- Ralph Phillips: My insurance will cover the cost of the broken window, Mother, take whatever's left and buy yourself a catcher's mitt...
- Unseen Voice: [Ralph imagining he's in a jail cell; whispering] They're coming to get you, Phillips. They're coming to get you.
- [Ralph crushes out a cigarette he was smoking, gets up and walks unafraid toward the door]
- Jail Officer: [as he opens the door] You're gonna have to pay for this, Ralph Phillips!
- Ralph's Father: [Fade back to his father standing at the door of Ralph's bedroom] Yeah, I'm sorry, son, but we're just gonna have to pay for that window out of our allowance.
- Ralph Phillips: Father, you are too young to play in Africa. Go to your room.
- Ralph's Father: Other fathers get to play in Africa. I never get to do anything.
- Ralph Phillips: [after hog-tying and capturing the Martians in their ships] Comm Ralph to General Staff, Comm Ralph to General Staff: Routine report - Martians captured, world safe. Over.
- Martians: [holding a sign] It's Ralph Phillips and his secret weapon!
- Headquarters: Calling Group Commodore Phillips, calling Group Commodore Phillips: Listen here! Turn back! You are being pursued by a multitude of unfriendly Martians who all got A in Arithmetic! And besides too, your... your super-tomic filament is coming loose!
- Ralph Phillips: Comm Ralph to HQ, Comm Ralph to HQ: Now hear this: I've just got to engage these fierceable creatures in mortal combat because what will happen to the Earth if I don't? Over.
- Headquarters: [after Ralph was attacked by the Martians and his plane starts to fall forward in a spin towards the mountains] HQ to Comm Ralph: Are you alright? Come in, Comm Ralph. HQ calling. HQ calling.
- Ralph Phillips: [recovers from the near fall; bandaged, but is still able to fight with patriotic pride] Comm Ralph to HQ: bandits at high noon. Going into attack, over.
- Ralph's Father: There's something I have to tell you, Alice.
- Ralph's Mother: You...... you mean?
- Ralph's Father: Yes. This may be it. I hated to tell you, knowing how you worry.
- [Ralph "Livingson" busts through the gates and the natives were stunned and surprised]
- Ralph's Mother: Saved!
- Ralph's Father: It's our boy, the famous explorer!
- Ralph Phillips: I warned you, Daiquiris, that if I ever caught you boiling parents again, I...
- [Ralph draws sidearms]
- [the battle with Ralph and the Cannibal Tribesmen ensue offscreen]
- Ralph Phillips: Oh, ho! Try to ambush me, will ya? Take that!
- [Ralph fires his guns]
- Ralph Phillips: And that! And maybe that!
- Cannibal Tribesman: [in agony] Eeg! Argh!
- [Tribesman throws one last spear at Ralph]
- Ralph Phillips: [Ralph fires one more shot]
- Ralph Phillips: [wounded and bandaged] I hated to have to kill them all, but they had to be taught a lesson.
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