Danny Kaye: Ernest Klenk
Quotes
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Ernest Klenk : What are you doing here? Don't you know it's bad luck for the grime to see the brood? Uh, the bride to see the groom?
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Ernest Klenk : You mean I'm going to be fired, sir?
Mr. Martindale : Your lightning insights never cease to astound me.
Ernest Klenk : Thank you, sir.
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Ernest Klenk : You mean I don't qualify?
Foots Pulardos : Klenk, do I look like the kinda guy that denies a guy to work ona counta infirma?
[sic]
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George : Uh, what kinda 'sperience you got?
Ernest Klenk : [In a tough, dumb guy voice] Uh, 'sperience? Well, uh, I, I had, uh, two years with the muscle institute in, uh, Newuk, New Joisey.
George : Oh, I knew you had a little class when you came in here.
Ernest Klenk : Yeah, then I had, uh, 'bout nine months with the, uh, Torso acstitute
[sic]
Ernest Klenk : in Fire Island. We were doin', uh, you know, all them, uh, uh, all that work there there.
[sic]
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George : Shoe size?
Ernest Klenk : 10 and 11.
George : Make up your mind, which is it?
Ernest Klenk : 10 and 11.
George , Ernest Klenk : [Writing it down on the employment form] 10 and... 10, and... 11?
Ernest Klenk : Well, yeah, you see, one... one foot is a little bit longer than the other.
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Ernest Klenk : Bea?
Bea Frampton : Mm-hm.
Ernest Klenk : Let me ask you something. Uh, what would you do, if, by mistake, I mean, you inadvertently OKed a card for somebody whose name was on that board?
Bea Frampton : I'd shoot myself.
Ernest Klenk : Oh. Well, suppose you were a coward?
Bea Frampton : I'd destroy the evidence and then I'd shoot myself.
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Mr. Martindale : Uh, Klenk, it is my understanding that there exists in Los Angeles a semi-religious cult which considers dogs, cheetahs, and parakeets to be the beloved of the gods. Uh, are you by any chance a dues-paying member of this cult?
Ernest Klenk : Oh, no, sir. Oh, no, no, no.
Mr. Martindale : I, I just thought I'd ask... since you have seen fit to OK a Diners' Club card for a German Shepherd.
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Beatnik : [Answering the door to the Greenwich Village party going on in the apartment below Ernie's] Were you invited?
Ernest Klenk : Did you find a redhead in your dumb waiter tonight?
Beatnik : You were invited. Come on in.
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Ernest Klenk , Foots Pulardos : But I'll have to pay for everything.
Foots Pulardos : Never count costs. That's the secret of a long life.