- Boofy Ponsonby: [Ushering at the wedding] Bride or bridegroom?
- Magistrate: What's that?
- Janet's Brother Denys: [Also ushering at wedding] Bride or bridegroom?
- Magistrate: Well, what about them?
- Boofy Ponsonby: No, no--whose friend are you?
- Magistrate: I'm nobody's friend. I'm Sir Robert McFarland.
- Boofy Ponsonby: [to Denys] Sir Robert McFarland, and nobody's friend.
- Janet's Mother: [Adjusting her hat in the mirror] Why is it that when I pay 12 and 11 for a hat, it's a success and I wear it for years; and I pay three guineas I can never wear it at all?
- Aunt Mary: Expensive hats look all right in the shop and all wrong when you get them home. I think they must fake the millers.
- Janet's Brother Denys: Here's another monstros... I mean present.
- Janet's Mother: A centerpiece. Lovely. Who sent it?
- Janet's Brother Denys: [Reading the card] "With love to dear, dear Janet, and may she have blessed happiness. From Auntie Polly and Uncle George." I wonder who gave it to them.
- The Arm of the Law: I now charge you with obstruction, driving without a license, driving in a manner dangerous to the public, being in possession of a car not your own property without the owner's permission, defacing a public sign--to wit, a noticeboard inscribed with the words "Thank you", and attempting to obstruct a police officer in the execution of his duties by offering him a sum of money--to wit, a half a crown.
- Flower Lisle: I must be alone some part of the day. My mind gets so muddled if I'm never alone.
- Janet's Father: I'm sure it does.
- The Arm of the Law: If you're referring to the magistrates, the bench convenes at ten o'clock, and I shall now add the charge of using obscene language.
- Dallas Chaytor: [Grabbing the bobby's arm] Now, look here.
- The Arm of the Law: And furthermore, assaulting and battering a police officer in the execution of his duty.
- Marcia's Husband: [Entering a bedroom window] Mrs. Jardow, I do so apologize. I thought Marcia was sleeping in the guest room.
- Aunt Mary: Well, you couldn't have chosen a more civilized way of announcing yourself?
- Aunt Mary: Now, listen to me. Every day, twice a day, for the rest of your life, you've got to tell here these two things. A - that you love her. And, B - that she's beautiful. Run along and begin now. Don't let her talk until you've been making love to her for at least half an hour. Get her alone somewhere.
- Aunt Mary: Now, young man, listen to me. I know more about the workings of a female mind than you will ever know.
- Janet Royd: Daddy, you're wonderful.
- Janet's Father: Nonsense.
- [He kisses her forehead]
- Janet's Father: I'm a businessman.
- The Arm of the Law: [Questioning Dallas after his road accident, with Janet as passenger] I suppose this is your car?
- Dallas Chaytor: Well, as a matter of fact, kind of funny you should ask that, because uh, well, it isn't. Well, not exactly.
- The Arm of the Law: I take it you have the owner's permission?
- Dallas Chaytor: Well, yes, in a manner of speaking, but, uh, I didn't exactly ask him. But I know he wouldn't mind, I mean, I wouldn't if it was my car and he had been me. Which, of course, I admit he isn't, but still uh, you know what I mean?
- The Arm of the Law: [as he continues writing what Dallas says in his notebook] ... if you know what I mean.
- Janet Royd: I didn't know I was marrying a giggly, smugly-faced bore.
- Dallas Chaytor: And I didn't know I was marrying a silly little-minded school girl.
- Vicar: Now, children, pay attention.
- Flower Lisle: Do you mind if I hang my own pictures on the wall? I'm never happy without my pictures.
- Janet's Mother: No, if you can manage with the nails that are there.
- Flower Lisle: Oh, that's perfectly all right. I brought some special little wall pins. They leave no marks.
- Flower Lisle: Oh, by the way. I think you ought to know, I am not John's fiancé yet. I shall decide definitely after this weekend.
- Janet's Brother John: Flower!
- Janet's Sister Marcia: Well, Jim, I'm going to have a baby.
- Marcia's Husband: Marcia, my darling.
- [Hugging and kissing]
- Marcia's Husband: Darling! I say! I mean, I should never have known. Oh, darling, dearest. I say! By jove!
- Janet's Sister Marcia: No, no, no. Don't say, by jove. The rest of it was lovely.
- Flower Lisle: Oh, that's perfectly all right. It's the mental attitude that counts. I should be comfortable in a pig sty.
- Janet's Mother: Oh, heh, heh, then you should be quite all right in Marcia's room.
- Boofy Ponsonby: [One of two ushers for the wedding] I wonder where they keep the plates.
- Janet's Brother Denys: We're ushers, old boy. We don't need a plate.
- Boofy Ponsonby: Oh, I don't know - we might make a little.
- Janet's Mother: But I don't want to gain a daughter.
- Janet's Father: No?
- Janet's Mother: No Two's quite enough.
- Aunt Mary: Come on and apologize.
- Marcia's Husband: But, I don't know what to apologize for.
- Aunt Mary: Well, don't apologize for anything in particular, just apologize.
- Flower Lisle: You're very beautiful.
- Dallas Chaytor: Who, me?
- Flower Lisle: Of course, you're a mess of complexes.
- Dallas Chaytor: Oh, am I?
- Flower Lisle: I could help you, you know.
- Dallas Chaytor: That's awfully nice of you, but, uh...
- Flower Lisle: You must tell me one of your dreams.
- Dallas Chaytor: You... uh, some other time, I think.
- Flower Lisle: No, now.
- Railway Porter: Been working me off me feet, you have - you and your young woman.
- Dallas Chaytor: Oh, have we?
- Railway Porter: Aye, indeed you have. Parcels, parcel, parc... nothing but parcels. Why can't two young folks get themselves wed without all this darn fiddle-faddle?
- Janet's Mother: This is my husband, John's father, of course.
- Flower Lisle: Why of course?
- Janet's Father: Why, indeed. But I am, supposedly.
- Vicar: Repeat after me - I, Dallas...
- Dallas Chaytor: I, Dallas...
- Vicar: Take thee, Janet Erlingtrude...
- Dallas Chaytor: Take thee, Janet, um...
- Vicar: To my wedded wife...
- Dallas Chaytor: Is your second name Erlingtrude?
- Janet Royd: Yes - any objection?
- Dallas Chaytor: [Chuckling] Erlingtrude!
- Aunt Mary: You know, if you go on behaving like the correct English gentleman, there'll be no wedding. Abduct her!
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